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I found J.J. in the kitchen making coffee. He must’ve read my tired mind.
“That smells wonderful.” I leaned against the kitchen island, closing my eyes as the aroma filled my lungs.
“Want a cup?” he asked.
“A vat would be more like it.”
We sat down at the dining table and didn’t speak for a long time. Just rested back in our chairs, sipping our coffee. I placed my mug down and gave him a slow smile of satisfaction. He returned it.
“I didn’t think you had it in you,” I said. J.J. had lost his tie and suit jacket today, along with whatever was lodged where the sun didn’t shine.
“Fixing up the nursery sure beat going into work today.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s you falling head over loafers for a baby and being an all-around great guy.”
“Yeah, I’m kind of smitten, but let’s keep that our little secret.”
“You were like a billionaire grandparent, wanting to buy everything in sight.”
“I still wish we’d bought those unicorn booties.”
“I had to say no to something.”
J.J.’s phone rang, and he excused himself from the table.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Shaw,” J.J. said as he stepped outside on the terrace and shut the door behind him.
I rinsed out our coffee cups and gathered what little stuff I had in Lucas’s bedroom. I needed more clothes…or a washing machine. I stood debating my options. My clean clothes had run out, so I had to do something. And with Esmé asleep, I had at least an hour to walk to my apartment and pack more for the week.
After ending the call, J.J. came back inside the apartment.
“That was Lucas. He has to stop by his attorney’s office, then will be on his way back here. He wants your phone number, by the way.”
I rattled off my cell number for J.J. to text Lucas, then scoured the apartment to make sure all the packaging materials were picked up. I wanted it to look perfect when Lucas walked in the door.
“I need to ask a favor.” I smiled and batted my lashes at J.J. He shook his head and twirled his finger in a spit it out already manner. “Can you stay with the baby for an hour, tops? My apartment is close by, and I only packed for two days.”
“In other words, you’re abandoning me with a three-month-old.”
“Come on, she loves you. There’s a pre-made bottle in the refrigerator if you need it, but I think she’ll be okay. I can’t say that about her diaper, though.” J.J. cringed at the thought. I didn’t know what it was about guys and changing babies. They acted like they might catch the black death. “Man up. I’m sure yours were worse.”
“Maggie, I’ve never changed a diaper!” J.J. called out as I opened the front door. His voice was higher than usual, near panic setting in.
“You have my number, and there’s always YouTube.” I escaped out the door and into the hallway before he answered. I felt bad leaving him, but I couldn’t wear dirty clothes.
When I stepped into my apartment, it felt like I’d been gone for weeks. Clothes were still strewn across my room, shoes lying around haphazardly, but something was different, out of place in the mess.
But it wasn’t the apartment causing the foreign feeling; it was me. Standing outside Herb’s penthouse door and meeting him again with his blue eyes wide in disbelief at seeing me…it had changed something in me.
I had no idea where I stood with him either, but I knew what I wanted. I craved him and being in the very air he breathed, no matter which version. I couldn’t go back to being pre-Herb Maggie.
The thought of not being a part of his life caused an ache deep inside me, making it hard to breathe. I pressed a hand over my heart, trying to rub away the pain. I’d miss that grumpy, hot as hell sex god if I faded out of his life and he found Esmé a proper nanny, one society would accept. I was the perfect cliché. Someone should call Lifetime. My life had become a made-for-TV movie.
A young nanny who wanted to sleep with the child’s father, but more than that, wanted to comfort him. I longed to wrap my arms around him and feel his muscles flex under my fingertips. Rest my cheek against his strong chest and listen to his heartbeat, hoping someday he’d open it up to me.
He tried to hide the passionate man he was, but I saw flashes of desire in his eyes. Dark with needs I wanted to meet, if only he’d let me.
The only hope I had was finding a way to reach behind the wall and touch the real Lucas, make him feel something. And not just for me, but for himself.
And then there was Esmé, with her chubby little cheeks and innocent blue eyes. It was love at first sight. Even the stuffed shirt J.J. was wrapped around her little finger. It was impossible not to fall under her spell. She captured my heart with her sweet giggles and smiles, soaking up every ounce of love I gave her.
