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“Blake Thomas,” Dr. Wong stated as opened his door into his office. “Please, take a seat.”
His office was located with all the other essential offices here.
“Okay,” I said as I took a seat.
I was immediately on the defensive as I sat down. It reminded me of every other therapist office I had been in. The room looked stuffy and overbearing. Complete with all his diplomas proudly displayed on the wall.
He pulled a file out in front of him, and I had to refrain from sighing as he pulled out a legal pad as well. I knew the record was mine, and I was sure it was extensive. The legal pad was out to write notes on me, where all his judgemental words and observations would go down in writing. Just another paper to add to my file.
“You don’t like me,” he said abruptly. “Even though we’ve never met.”
He leaned forward and linked his hands before placing them on the desk in front of him. I was struck again by how young he looked. He couldn’t be more than twenty-five. I also noticed he was slightly attractive.
My eyes narrowed at him. I knew he was gifted. Every day I was learning about new gifts or variations of the same gift. He apparently was attuned to people in general. Particularly if he chose this line of work. “You’re an empath,” I countered back.
“Guilty,” he admitted as he smiled and leaned back in his chair. “But so are you, among your other talents. I have to admit I’m fascinated by you, by your abilities. However, I never use my gift when I’m working. Not unless I’m asked to do so.”
Somehow, I had a feeling he was speaking the truth.
“Thank you,” I stated concisely as I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back in my own chair. “And you’re right, I don’t know you, so I can’t really form an opinion about you, right? So can we quickly get this over with so I can get back to class? I have a big paper due, along with a birthday party to plan, and I’m leaving for the weekend, so…” I urged him.
“If it’s not me, the person, you don’t like then it must be my profession, so something about my profession has left a bad taste in your mouth,” he stated matter of factly.
I sighed and took a sip of my coffee. “How does this have anything to do with my ‘mental health’?” I asked, making air quotes. “Look, Doc. I’m mentally capable of doing my job, so can you sign me off so I can go on my way?”
“What happened the other day in the training simulation?” Dr. Wong asked as he leaned over to open the folder in front of him.
I shrugged as I looked away. Anyone with his training would have seen the classic signs of trauma.
“A blip. Does that handy-dandy folder tell you about the many missions I’ve been on that I didn’t have a momentary lapse of…judgement?” I asked defensively.
“It does. You’ve accomplished a lot in your life already, but I’m really not that interested in what’s in your folder,” he explained. “I want you to tell me what’s not in this folder, after all, whatever’s written in black and white really doesn’t always define us as a person.”
“Is that why your diplomas are all over your wall, Doc?” I asked him. “All that black and white scattered on the wall. And-” I cocked my head to the side. “From the looks of it, you’ve accomplished a lot in your life, too. Congrats.” I crossed my legs, braced my elbow on my knee, and put my chin in my hands. I knew I was antagonizing him.
I really didn’t like being backed into a corner. I lashed out, and I didn’t care who was in the path of my rage. I hated being forced to talk about myself or my past. Particularly to strangers. I didn’t know Dr. Wong from Adam, but because of this new initiative they wanted us to be evaluated.
He surveyed me for a few moments. “I don’t know who or what turned you against my profession but I can take a guess. You were institutionalized at the age of ten. They misdiagnosed you, and they didn’t believe you, but can you blame them? They didn’t and don’t understand our world
“I’m not here to force you to talk, Blake, but I don’t feel comfortable clearing you for active status. It appeared that your connections were able to talk you out of it this time but what about the next time? Your momentary…lapse might affect your whole team next time. From what I know about you, you are a very selfless person. I know that you would carry the guilt with you forever if something were to happen to your connections or any person on your team if you were to have an anxiety attack and become a liability.”
I barely contained my growl. “You know I can make you clear me,” I seethed. “It’s not fair to bench me because I don’t want to talk about my feelings. I’m needed out there. I’m needed in there. You just told me that my file doesn’t matter, yet you just used something that was in my file against me.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to use it against you. I was merely stating facts. I know you can use your gifts against me, Blake.” Dr. Wong gave me a soft smile. “But you won’t do that because you have integrity. You want to place the blame on me, but if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know you need to talk about it before it catches up to you, or worse, to the people that love you.”
“So what?” I asked with barely concealed irritation. “What do I have to do for you to clear me? Do I talk to you and you give me a big smiley face on my evaluation?”
“If you talk to me then I can determine if you need to continue to come to see me, then I’ll clear you,” Dr. Wong replied. “As long as I know you’re working on youself, I can clear you sooner than later.”
I stood up. “You’re kidding me right?” I clenched my fist. “Even if I start talking now, there’s no guarantee that I can even go on the next mission when it comes up! This is ridiculous. You do realize we are at war with Horatio, and you’re going to need me when he finally does come or when we launch our own attack.”
“We do need you, Blake, but we need a healthy you. If you continue to stuff down all of your feelings or ignore them, eventually it will catch up to you.” Dr. Wong seemed unfazed by my outburst.
“Well, Doc, you can give me a frowny face on my pape
r. I don’t know you, and I’m not ready to hold hands and sing Kumbaya yet. Bench me,” I stormed towards the door.
“Blake,” he called to my retreating back. “Do realize you’re not only hurting yourself by doing this? It’s going to hurt your team. Mainly your connections. Are you ready to watch them go out into the field without you? And you know as much as I do, that together, you’re stronger. If they are cleared, they will retain their active status, and we will use them for our mission.”
