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“Don’t try to pin this on me,” I clenched my teeth, knowing he was right. “This is all on you because you are on some power trip. If anything happens to my men, this is all on you!” I slammed the door on the way out.
“Blake?” Will asked in confusion as he exited his office. “What’s wrong?”
“You know very well what’s wrong,” I bit out. “I’m getting benched because I’m not ready to pour my heart out to some douchebag I just met.”
I stormed past him.
“Blake,” he called. “It’s not like that and you-”
I pretended not to hear him as I left the room.
I dropped my bag off at the room and put on a black tank top, black shorts, and tennis shoes. I needed to get rid of some of this anger or I was going to bring this whole place down. I angrily snatched my hair back into a ponytail and left my room with a slam of the door.
I knew training room B was empty at this time of day, which was perfect since they had the indoor track in it. I passed a few people on the way there, but I averted my gaze from them. I didn’t want to talk to anyone and was thankful when I finally reached the training room. I climbed the steps to the track and did a quick warm-up of jump and jacks before I stretched.
I put in my wireless headphones and put on my running playlist. When I finally took off for my run, Believer by Imagine Dragons filled my ears. I set off at a punishing speed. After five minutes of running, I still hadn’t expelled any of my anger. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this angry.
I knew most of my anger was really directed at myself. I was selfish. I was hurting my men, my team by not sharing my feelings. I knew the game. I could play it. I played it before. Maybe I could talk to Dr. Wong and tell him the least important of my demons. Let him believe he was conquering them with me.
I really wanted to go back up there and compel him. Tell him I was all better. Let him sign off on my paperwork, and I would deal with the shadows later on. I couldn’t do it, and he knew it. Yeah, integrity. What good was integrity to my family and friends if I was benched during a mission?
I didn’t live a life in complete denial. I knew my experience with Bradford had pushed me off the ledge. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of things led to that point, but he had been the tipping point. Because of him, I couldn’t sleep without a nightlight. Because of him, darkness flipped a switch within me, and I was powerless to stop the panic from taking over.
I knew I was a liability. I knew I was useless if my fears were ever turned on me. I really didn’t want my men or team to suffer if I lost complete control.
I looked up and saw Lincoln leaning on one of the posts with his arms crossed over this chest, and his ankles crossed over each other.
I slowed down, pulling one of my earbuds out.
“What demons are chasing you?” he asked dryly.
“No demons,” I replied in a clipped tone.
I didn’t feel like talking to Lincoln. I had to admit the trips with my brother had helped me trust him a little more, but not enough to pour out my feelings to him.
I was irritated when I realized he fell into step with me. He was dressed in his black cargo pants, black t-shirt, and black combat boots and he didn’t even seem to care about his discomfort.
“Why aren’t you at lunch?” he asked.
“Why aren’t you?” I shot back.
“The guys asked me to find you,” Lincoln answered.
I snorted a mirthless laugh. “Well, you found me. Now leave.”
“Nah, I’m good,” he shrugged nonchalantly as I picked up my pace.
I knew it was useless. I was fast, but his legs were long, and I recognized that he was a runner. As I sped up, so did he.
“What has pissed you off?” he finally asked in an amused tone.
“None of your damn business,” I bit out before I abruptly stopped.
I needed to hit something, and I needed to beat it now. I nearly ran down the steps. At the bottom of the steps, I took a long drink off water out of the water fountain before I walked over to the speed bags. I went over to the equipment table and wrapped my hands.
I didn’t fail to notice that he was steps behind me and imitated my movements.
“You barely ate when we got back last night, and you didn’t eat this morning. You really should eat if you’re going keep up this pace. You’re already tiny, and you can’t afford to lose any more weight,” Lincoln said sardonically.
