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“And curious.”
“Okay, fine. I was. I knew I wanted to experiment, and we both know you weren’t into that. I needed to see what it was that called to me, before I settled down. I couldn’t exactly tell you, Doe.”
“You could have. You just knew that if you told me you were dumping me to sleep with others—”
“I didn’t sleep with her! I didn’t touch anyone. You were the woman I always wanted. Despite everything, you were the woman in my heart. I was just there because Diana liked to be watched. Kevin wanted someone he could trust. It was a way for me to find out about this part of me I kept hidden. I thought I could do it without betraying you.”
“You betrayed me the minute you let me go without telling me the truth. You made your choice about letting me go when you just volunteered to help Kevin,” I counter, not letting him try to pretty it up. I’m done being his scapegoat.
“We were apart before that, Doe. I didn’t do anything until then,”
“Yeah, two weeks. Two weeks where I cried my eyes out and you were volunteering for threesomes,” I snap.
“I never touched her.”
“I know, but the thing is… you might as well have. The pain would have been the same.”
“Would it make a difference if I told you I didn’t like it? That I was uncomfortable?”
“Not now. Maybe not then,” I answer honestly. “It doesn’t matter now regardless. I just don’t understand why I was public enemy number one, when I moved back, Blue. Why did you treat me like the bad guy? I mean, high school had been years ago.”
“Because I begged you to stay. Before you went through with the wedding, I begged you to stay with me. It hurt and even though I messed everything up, I needed you to pick me, Doe.”
“There was more than me involved by then, Blue. Besides, I didn’t trust you anymore.”
“Don’t you think I know that, Doe? Even if I had no idea that you knew what I had been doing, I knew it was too late, damn it. You moving on and leaving Mason nearly killed me. I had no one to blame but myself. Every time I saw you with Clark, it was just a reminder of what an idiot I had been. I ached—ached—because I still wanted you. Hell, Doe, I’ve always wanted you.”
“And after there was no Clark? Was there a reason I got nothing but your anger then?”
“I hated myself, but every time I saw you, all the anger I bottled up inside seemed to bubble out in all the wrong ways, Doe. I know it’s not fair and I know I’ve been an asshole, but that’s the God’s honest truth.”
“I think I want to go home now,” I whisper. “I’m suddenly really tired.”
“Doe—”
“I just need some space. I know I should let go of the past. Still, I have things I need to work through. I just don’t think I’m ready for a relationship right now.”
Chapter 42
Blue
Three Days Later
* * *
“Doe, pick up, please, baby. Just talk to me. We can work through this. I just—” The beeping sound of her voicemail cuts me off. “Fuck!” I growl, throwing my phone across the room. I hear something hit the floor and shatter, but I’ve already tumbled back on the sofa. It doesn’t matter what broke. Nothing matters if I can’t get Meadow back.
And I might as well admit it. I can’t get her back if she won’t even pick up the damn phone. Three fucking days of silence. Well, three and a half. She didn’t say one more word as I drove her home from the orchard. I offered to come in. She said nothing. She got out and slammed the door. She didn’t bother looking back as she went inside either.
All these years, I thought I had been so smart. I didn’t realize Diana would spread our personal business all over the fucking place. Hell, Kevin had been so worried about privacy it’s the last thing I expected. I should have known she would try her poison on Meadow. I suspected it when Meadow brought her name up before, but stupid son-of-a-bitch that I am, I didn’t realize how bad it was. I foolishly thought I could get Meadow back and keep the past buried.
I lift the bottle in my hand, bringing it to my mouth for another drink. I tip my head back and wait for it to run a burning fire down my throat.
Nothing happens.
“Bastard,” I mutter, throwing the bottle up into the air. I close my eyes because the world swims around me. All at once, I feel this heavy weight slam into my right eye and the top ridge of my nose. “Fuck!” I hiss as I bring my hand up to my face, grabbing the empty bottle. I wrap my fingers around it and hurl it across the room. I hear more crashing—which I mostly ignore. I do feel some cold air hitting me, though. I force myself to turn and see what’s causing the breeze. The room seems to be moving. There’s a bright light hitting me. I squint to see the window is broken, allowing the summer wind and sun to him me full on.
