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I guess that explains the crash.
That was an expensive window because it goes all the way from the floor to the vaulted ceiling. Oh well, I’m rich. I may not have my woman, or Adam, or my baby, but I have money. And whiskey….
I drop my hand down so that my fingers touch the wood floor. I reach around the edge of the bed and find the bottle I was looking for. I bring it up and grin because the amber liquid is sloshing against the glass. This will help me forget.
Please, God. Let me forget.
I manage to open the bottle and take a drink. Hopefully, I’ll be unconscious soon.
Maybe then it won’t hurt so much.
Her face filled with hurt is haunting me and I can’t get it out of my head. The last thing I ever wanted was to cause Meadow more pain. I was a fool to think that I could have her—could fix all the mistakes I’ve made that hurt her. The only thing I’ve done is hurt her more.
I’ve also given myself a taste of a life I’ve always wanted and can never have. Given myself a glimpse of the family that I could have had and gave away.
I’ve lost everything….
Chapter 43
Ida Sue
“I didn’t mean to bother you, Meddie. I’m just worried. It’s been a week now and other than a message he left on the machine telling us he needed to be alone for a while, we haven’t heard from him.”
“I’m sure he’s fine, Ida Sue. Blue always is.”
I frown because her voice is quiet, dull, and more than a little monotone. It’s lifeless. That’s not who Meadow is. Whatever happened between them had to have been bad. I swear, if my boy screwed up again, I’m going to strangle him. Besides, from listening to Meadow there’s not much hope of them working it out this time. I’ve never heard her like this before.
“You’re probably right. I’ll let you get back to work.”
“Okay,” she says, still sounding dejected.
“I love—”
Meadow hangs up before I get the words out. If I wasn’t worried before, I definitely am now. I click off the cordless phone and turn to look at my man who is sitting at the kitchen table watching me.
“I don’t like that look, Lovey.”
“Blue screwed the pooch this time, Jan. I swear, I knew it’d be hard to get his head out of his ass, but this is ridiculous.”
“What are you doing now?” Jansen asks when I turn the house phone back on and dial Blue’s cell.
“Trying to get ahold of the idiot again,” I mutter as the phone just rings and rings. I hang up disgusted.
“Call his twin. When Blue gets like this and he doesn’t talk to me, it’s Black he goes to.”
“Okay,” I answer, but before I can bring myself to dial, I look at Jansen, allowing how I’m really feeling leak through this stiff-upper-lip persona that I always adopt when I’m dealing with my kids. Jansen really is the only person I let my guard down with. He knows the real me. The kids do—to an extent. Still, I hide things from them. Hell, most of the time I just do shit to make them lose their minds. I want their memories of their momma to be happy and make them laugh. For that reason, I don’t let them see how much I worry over them. They’d just growl at me.
“I’m really worried, Jan. Blue is the quiet one in the family, sure. Still, he always comes to you to talk crap over if he’s upset. If it’s not you, it’s me. He relies on us more than any of our kids. For him to be radio silent…”
Jan’s face tightens. He grips his coffee mug a little too tightly. My cowboy is mostly the quiet type. I work hard to bring him out of himself—mostly because I love it when he’s worked up and how he works his frustrations out on me. If I wasn’t so worried about my boy, I’d go for that now.
“Call Black, Lovey. If he hasn’t heard from Blue, I’ll find him and iron him out. I promise, sweetheart.”
“Have I ever told you that I don’t know how I would have survived without you, Jan?”
“Not nearly often enough,” he says, giving me a small smile. “For the record, Lovey, I doubt I’d still be breathing air without you. I love you, woman.”
“I know. You show me every day.”
“Same, Lovey. Same. I told you on our wedding day—you’re never getting away from me. I meant it. Now, call about our boy.”
I grin. God, if I had to go through all the hell and the bad times again just to find Jansen I would in a freaking minute. I know how lucky I am.
I dial Black’s cell and he picks up on the second ring. “Hey, Mom.” I frown because he’s whispering.
