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“You okay, son?”
“Yeah, Addie’s sleeping. She had a rough night last night. This baby seems to be using her ribs as a trampoline. She finally had to take a warm shower to calm her down.”
“She’s going to be a pistol if she’s already giving you two fits.”
“We may have to rethink her name and name her Ida Sue Lucas, Jr.”
“Smartass.”
“That’s what Addie tells me. What’s up, Mom?” he asks and he’s talking louder now. He must have moved away from the sleeping Addie.
“I know it’s your day off and all. I hate to bother you, but have you heard from Blue?”
“Blue? Not in a few days, but that’s not uncommon. Why? Is something wrong?”
“Shit,” I mutter, looking at Jansen and shaking my head no. “I’m not sure. He left us a message a few days ago saying he needed some time alone.”
“That’s never a good thing when it comes to Blue.”
“Yeah, I know. I think things with Meddie fell through. She sounded brokenhearted on the phone and hung up quickly. I’m afraid whatever happened completely ended things between them. I’m left trying to find him to I can see if he’s okay. You know how deep he goes into his own head.”
“Yeah. Let me know if you can’t find him and I’ll start looking after Addie wakes up. I don’t want to leave her alone in case she needs me. This pregnancy really hasn’t been easy. Thinking this one will be the last.”
“If Addie will let you get away with that. I’ll call you later and let you know. Jan and I will go out and look for him.”
“Okay, Mom. Love you guys.”
“Love you, too.”
Once we hang up, I do my best to push away the panic I’m feeling. I turn to look at my cowboy feeling lost.
“I’ll drive out to his place and look it over and the fields. If I had to venture a guess he’s there just hiding out,” Jansen says.
“Give me few minutes to run a brush through my hair and take my medicine. Then, I’ll be ready,” I respond.
“You stay here, Lovey. If I can get Blue to talk, I’ll have more luck alone.”
“Sorry, cowboy. I want to go. I’m worried about him,” I argue. I barely get the words out before Jansen is shaking his head no.
“This is my job, woman.”
“How do you figure that?” I huff, getting annoyed. Did I mention my cowboy is stubborn as a mule?
“Lovey, you gave me this crazy family. I’ve done my best to make sure they all know they can depend on me. I’ve stepped up and did everything I could for each of them.”
“I know that, Jan. You’ve gone above and beyond. You have to know that there’s not a one of us that doesn’t look at you and see the backbone of our family. You’re their father in every way that matters. We all love you and our grand-babies believe the sun rises and sets in you—and I know it does.”
Jansen stands up, clears his throat, and walks to me. He slides his hands on each side of my neck. He kisses me gently. Because I know him so well, I can see the tears shining in his eyes. My silent cowboy is so much like Blue. They both feel things deeply. It’s so hard for them to show emotion.
“You and our kids are everything to me, Lovey. Every-fucking-thing. I was just wandering from place to place before you. I felt dead inside. You changed everything with just one smile. Of course, you did make me work for it.”
“Jan—”
He winks before he finishes. “You gave me your heart and trusted me with your kids. Now, it’s my time to be there for Blue because he is my son. Out of all of our children, I understand him the most. He’s a lot like me,” he says, mirroring my earlier thoughts somewhat.
There are emotions shining in Jansen’s eyes that I can’t quite name. I can tell that this is very important for him to deal with this on his own. So, I drop it and nod my acceptance. I place a kiss on his lips—short and sweet.
“Okay, Jan. Okay.”
Surprise lights up his features. “You’re really going to make it this easy for me, Lovey? No arguments?”
“None. I trust you and if anyone can fix this mess, it’s you. So, go get it done.”
“I love you, Ida Sue.”
“I love you.”
He gives me another kiss. This one much better than the small peck, then he tips his hat, and heads out. I sit down on the chair he just left, letting its warmth comfort me.
“Lord, please let my cowboy save the day one more time,” I murmur under my breath. He truly is the best decision I ever made in my life. There are times I wonder if I should stop trying to keep him on his toes quite so much, but I dismiss the thought almost as quick as I think of it. Jansen relishes a challenge. I’m going to keep his life filled with what he likes to call piss and vinegar.
