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“I kind of thought you had a thing for her,” she admitted.
I furrowed my brow. “Who? Ham’s woman? No. Well, kind of, I guess. I mean, I like Blondie. But not...not like that.”
“You like her as a brother,” she surmised.
Every muscle in my body tightened at that word. I’d already been a brother. That had ended badly. I didn’t want to be a brother to any other poor, unsuspecting, innocent girl again.
“You know, it’s okay if you have brotherly feelings for her,” Caroline murmured, stroking her fingers up into my hair. “It’s not going to take anything away from what you felt for the first Zoey. I have three brothers, and loving one doesn’t keep me from loving the other two just as much.”
I groaned. “Jesus, you didn’t lie to my parents at all, did you? I really am seeing a counselor. I just didn’t realize you were the psychiatrist.”
She murmured out a quiet laugh. “And if you’re an extra good boy for the rest of our hour session, Dr. Caroline might even be willing to give you a thorough physical once this is over.”
“Mmm.” I kissed her ear and slid my fingers from her waist to the inside of her thigh. “Can we skip straight to that part?”
Grasping my wrist, she moved my hand up to a more respectable place on her knee. “Not until your hour’s up, Mr. Tenning.”
I bit her earlobe lightly. “Fun hater.”
She grinned and twisted to look up at me. But her expression just as quickly fell somber. “Why’d you say it was your fault she died?”
With a groan, I closed my eyes. “Because it was.”
She frowned in confusion. “So...you shot her? Stabbed her? Suffocated her with a pillow?” After a thoughtful pause, she nodded approvingly. “I’ve actually considered pillow suffocation for Brandt. Numerous times.”
I couldn’t help it, I smiled. But then the memories flooded right back up and swallowed me. “I let her drive,” I finally admitted, “when I knew she was upset.”
Caroline was quiet for a moment before she asked simply, “And why did you do that?”
A sigh eased from my lungs. I glanced back up at the stars and pulled the warm woman in my arms tighter against me, realizing what an honor it was to get to hold her like this. In a second, she could be stolen away from me, too...just like that.
Tucking my face into her hair and appreciating what I had right now, I said, “Because she was upset. She loved driving, so I thought letting her take the wheel would make her feel better.”
“And did it...before the accident part, I mean?”
I shrugged. “Well, yeah. I guess. She was smiling and lecturing me when...” I broke off, remembering the headlights of the other car as they’d blared in my face right before it ran a red light and T-boned us. A shudder wracked me. Memories swirled of Zoey screaming my name, the fear in her voice as she begged for help, the utter helplessness I’d felt; it all haunted me.
“Why was she upset?” Caroline asked.
I shook my head and snorted. “Some stupid-ass guy. Thought she liked him, but then she went to a sleepover with her friends and found out one of her buddies was also hooking up with him. When she called me, crying, asking me to pick her up, I’d just—”
Fuck, I couldn’t tell Caroline about that. But she nudged me in the ribs with her pointer finger. “You’d just what?”
I glanced at her warily. “I guess I already told you about my first time, didn’t I?”
“You mean the stupid girl who laughed at your beautiful penis?”
Appreciating the way she described my birthmark, I grinned. “Yeah. Her. Well, I was driving home from that when Zoey’s distress call came in.”
“Wait.” Caroline held up a hand and twisted to look directly into my eyes. “So the same traumatic night you lost your virginity and were ridiculed by that idiot, twat girl was also the night your sister—”
Setting my hand over her mouth to keep her from saying what I couldn’t handle hearing, I nodded. “Yeah.”
Her eyes flared. “Wow. No wonder why you’ve had such an issue with your penis. It’s tied to your sister.”
I couldn’t help it, I snorted out a laugh. “Fuck, you have no idea how wrong that sounded when you said it that way.”
“What?” she asked before she must’ve mentally repeated what she’d just said. Then she snickered and bumped herself back against me. “Whatever. You know what I meant.”
