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It took me a moment to understand what she was talking about until she motioned to her silky hair that was perfectly brushed.
“Oh,” I stumbled out. “No, that’s okay. No problem.”
I jammed my hands awkwardly into my pockets as I stood there like a dumbass and watched her struggle out of her chair and back onto the bed. My pulse accelerated as she lifted the blankets and crawled under. Then she scooted in enough to make room for me.
When I didn’t move, she finally looked up. “What’s wrong?”
Shit. I hurried forward, quickly saying, “Nothing.”
She sent me an odd look, but then shrugged and lay down with her back toward me. I fumbled as I toed off my shoes. Then I gritted my teeth and silently commanded myself to calm the fuck down. I’d slept next to her tons of times. This would be no different.
Except it felt so completely different.
I held my breath as I joined her on the mattress. She let out a content sigh and I closed my eyes because the sound sent a strange tremor through me. As soon as I rolled onto my side and faced her, the familiar scent of her hair filled my nostrils. I breathed in deeply, loving the scent. Scooting forward, I buried my nose into the silky soft tresses, letting them caress my cheeks.
She had the most beautiful, dark hair. Since she’d moved in with her brother, Reese had taken up the job of styling it and fixing it a lot, so it always looked cute, but I had to admit, I liked it best grown out a little like it was now and floating down around her shoulders.
Her breathing deepened and her shaking calmed, telling me she’d fallen asleep. I wrapped an arm around her waist, pillowed my head into her hair and just...let it all go, glad I’d stayed after all. I loved sleeping with her. It was the most peaceful, stress-relieving time of my day. And I really needed to relieve a little stress right now.
Despite how tense and uncomfortable I’d been moments ago, I was totally relaxed now.
I passed out within seconds with a smile on my face while petting my cheek against strands of her hair.
When I woke up some time later, I don’t think I’d been dreaming because I couldn’t remember any dream. But I was throbbing hard and I knew exactly why. Sarah’s ass was pressed snug against my lap and my hand had somehow found its way under her shirt where I was cupping a naked breast.
Before I was fully awake enough to realize what was going on, my thumb slid over a hardened nipple, which shot a pulse of painful need through my dick and had me moaning and pressing myself ha
rder against her ass.
In the next instant, I woke completely, yelping, “Holy shit,” as I yanked my hand off her breast and jerked my hips backward.
Sarah didn’t even stir. She’d always been a heavy sleeper, but for the longest moment, I was sure she had to be faking it to avoid the awkwardness of this moment, because goddamn, I was wide fucking awake. I mean, I’d just had my hand on her... And my dick had been... Jesus.
I was going to best friend hell for sure.
But Sarah’s body remained still; she was clearly out cold. Thank God.
Sitting up, I wiped my hand over my face. Fear killed my erection as I blew out a shaky breath. I couldn’t believe I’d touched her so inappropriately. Sarah was everything pure and sweet and good. Sex was dirty. Dirty and Sarah should never even be breathed in the same sentence.
So why had I been so tempted to get dirty with her a few seconds ago? Before I’d realized what I’d been doing, my natural instinct had been to tighten my hand around her breast, roll my thumb over her nipple again and press my mouth to the back of her neck for a taste while I humped her ass. And that was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Hell, even watching her now as the moonlight spilled into the room and bathed the back of her bare shoulder with a warm glow, I wanted to reach for her, touch her, kiss that smooth beautiful flesh. And shit, I guess my boner hadn’t completely died because it suddenly sprang back to life.
Cursing myself, I scurried off the bed and shook my limbs, hoping to shake away this disturbing sensation. Visions of my mom kneeling in front of me and taking me into her hand as she poised her lips over the head of my cock sent a sick chill to my stomach. A tremor of dread and revulsion moved through me as I yanked on my shoes, then fumbled to open the window latch and crawl outside.
The temperature had dropped, but I relished the cold. I wished it could freeze all the bad from me so I could never ever get aroused by Sarah again.
The next morning, I was still disturbed by what I’d nearly done to her and had ached to do to her. I managed to avoid her before the first bell rang. We didn’t have first hour together, but we did share a study hall second hour. I made sure to slip in late so all the seats around her would be full. I found a spot all the way across the room and in the back to sit.
She, of course, didn’t even notice. I don’t know how she did it, but when the girl studied, she put all her attention into her work. And as she stared down at one of her textbooks, reading, I couldn’t take my eyes off the pen she was chewing on, or more specifically off her lips where they were wrapped around the barrel.
Why I had never realized she had the most amazing lips until that moment, I’ll never know. Her cerebral palsy sometimes made them purse in the most adorable ways. But I could suddenly picture them wrapped around my cock as I pushed deep and slow into her mouth.
Seconds after that mental picture had my jeans growing uncomfortably tight, the vision of Daisy doing that to me surfaced. Bile rose in my throat and my erection shriveled. I turned my attention from Sarah, feeling filthy. I couldn’t believe I wanted to do such base, disgusting things to my favorite person on the planet. I was no better than my monster of a mother.
For the rest of the day, I avoided Sarah. I had to. I couldn’t look her in the eye without the guilt slaying me. If she knew what I’d been thinking she’d be disgusted.
I had to get these stupid hormones under control. To do that, I tried avoiding her.
