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Seething, I ground my teeth as we pulled to the curb in front of her place. Killing the engine, I sat there, without moving, without speaking, yet not ready to finish this until I knew she was okay. No matter how much she’d hurt me, I didn’t want her going away tonight feeling bad. The whole purpose of this outing had been to boost her confidence, not dent it up some more.
“A simple no would’ve sufficed,” she said in a low voice. “You didn’t have to make me feel so shitty for asking a single question.”
Damn it. I knew I’d hurt her. “I didn’t mean to make you feel—”
“Well, you did! You made me feel as if I don’t even have a right to experience a little physical pleasure.”
“That is so not true,” I growled. “You—”
“You kissed me because I wanted to know what that felt like,” she ranted on. “You took me on a date because I wanted to experience one.”
With a harsh laugh, I ran my hand through my hair. “A date and a kiss are a hell of a lot different than fucking. You can’t get pregnant from a kiss. There’s no risk of STDs from a date. You have to strip naked and get all up in each other’s business when you have sex. So trust me, kissing is totally not as intimate and binding as me putting my cock inside you and making you come would be.”
Shoving her door open, she muttered, “You certainly don’t have any problems shoving it inside every other woman on the planet.”
Her snidely delivered comment pissed me the fuck off. I’d wanted her since I was sixteen. I’d fallen hard and would’ve given my soul for something deep and meaningful, but she was the one who hadn’t even noticed me in that way. The only reason I’d ever gone to other women was because I couldn’t have her. Oh, but now, all these years later, she thought she could just crook her finger and I’d instantly fall on my back, cock in the air, panting for her to climb on just because she wanted to get rid of her stupid fucking v-card? She didn’t even want me specifically; she just wanted a trusty dick she could rely on.
Well, fuck...her.
I slammed my way out of the truck and jerked her wheelchair a little more roughly from the bed of my truck than I probably should have.
“Easy!” she barked, earning an icy glare from me as I snapped the chair open for her and then stepped back, letting her attend to the rest.
I couldn’t watch as she eased down. And I only ground my teeth and jutted out my jaw when she snapped, “Don’t follow me this time.”
Standing there, tense and boiling, I stayed by my truck until she was safely in the
house with the front door shut. Then I slammed my fist into the side of my paint job and muttered, “Mother...fucker.”
Sliding to the ground, I gripped my head as I tried not to implode. The girl I wanted above all others finally wanted me back, and yet it was wrong. All wrong.
I could never fuck Sarah. I was too scared of losing her. In fact, if I didn’t need her in my life so damn much I might’ve just gotten in my truck right then and driven home or gone to Forbidden and gotten drunk. But I did need her, and though I didn’t particularly want to talk to her at the moment, I wasn’t going to lose our friendship over something I’d refused her in order to keep our friendship in the first place.
God, I had a headache.
“Son of a bitch,” I growled, slapping the tire of my truck before I pushed to my feet. Bypassing the walkway to the front of the door, I dodged around to the side of her house. Her light was on and shades were open. The crazy girl never closed them. I saw movement inside, shadows shifting along the wall, so I tapped on her window and jammed my hands into my pockets.
When her face appeared, I just stared at her, petulant.
Her shoulders heaved dramatically as she sighed. Then she barely cracked the window, enough to talk but not for me to climb inside.
Which killed me.
Killed me.
“I hope you know you ruined a completely amazing date.” My voice cracked. “I was having fun, damn it.”
Tears filled her eyes and her chin began to tremble. “I’m sorry, okay?” she lowered her face and hugged herself, making me want to apologize immediately. My chest compressed with pain. “I’m...I’m sorry. I never should’ve asked. It was stupid and thoughtless and selfish and...and...all you had to do was say no.”
“I did say no,” I muttered, my head warring with the need to make her feel better and yet still wanting to be pissed at her.
“Well...fine. Yes, you did. Why are you here, then?”
I sighed and scrubbed my face. “Because you’re crying.”
A muffled growling kind of laugh left her. “I didn’t start crying until you followed me and knocked on my window, damn it.”
“You were going to cry whether I followed you or not,” I said, arching a challenging eyebrow.
