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She lifted her chin defiantly, and the tears in her eyes glittered brightly. “You don’t know that for sure.”
“Yes, I do.” I moved closer to the window and clutched the frame, hating that I had to stand out here to say all this. “I hurt you, and you hurt me. The whole fucking reason I thought sex was a bad idea was because I was sure it’d hurt our friendship. So I’m not leaving here tonight until I know we’re still solid. Now let me in.”
“We’re solid,” she ground out in a tone that told me she was just trying to get me to go away.
I didn’t. Groaning, I let my head roll back so I could look up at the stars beginning to appear. The last time I’d looked up at the sky, the sun had been setting, Sarah had been at my side, and I’d felt more content than I’d felt...in maybe forever.
It was crazy how everything could change in only a few, awful minutes.
“Sarah,” I damn-near whimpered.
Grumbling out her defeat, she reached out and opened the window.
I climbed inside and shut the latch behind me, then turned to face her where she’d scooted back against the headboard and was hugging her knees to her chest.
A good five feet of space separated us, but it felt like miles. From the moment I’d held her after her mom had died, we’d had a very physical friendship, always hugging, touching, cuddling.
Not touching her just felt...wrong.
She clutched her knees and shook, looking small. Too small. “This is weird.”
I sniffed out my agreement and rubbed my face. Then I dropped my hands and drew in a breath. I couldn’t handle this fucking space between us.
“Look, I totally understand your need to prove to yourself that you’re not deficient in any way, which you’re not. You know that, right?”
When she gave a half-hearted shrug and wouldn’t meet my gaze, I growled. “Sarah. There is nothing wrong with you.”
“Then what other reason would you tell me no?” she asked in a harsh whisper. Her face lifted and blue eyes looked tormented. “Just say it already. You can’t get it up for me, can you?”
I blinked, totally not expecting that. “What?”
“It’s okay,” she murmured as if trying to soothe me. “I understand. If I just don’t attract you in that way, you can tell me. You can’t help what your body does and doesn’t want. But please don’t spare my feelings about it, because I need to know if that’s the case.”
A laugh burst from me. “You seriously think that’s my problem?” I gripped my side because, fuck, that had to be the funniest, yet saddest thing I’d ever heard.
My amusement set off a scowl in her. “Well, I don’t know, Brandt. Is it?”
Sobering, I shook my head. “Christ. You drive me insane. Does this look like a fucking limp dick to you?”
Glancing down at the bulge in my pants when I cupped it in my hand to show her how hard I was, her eyes flared wide. “Oh.” She sounded breathless and surprised. And then her gaze filled with hope as it darted up to my face. “You mean, I...I really can turn a man on?”
A man, not me specifically. None of her sex fantasies had anything to do with me. She just wanted a willing—and apparently hard—penis to work with.
Well, I wanted her to want me.
“Yeah, you can.” Sneering, I grabbed a pillow from beside her and yanked it close to cover my lap. “Congratulations.”
Her eyes softened to something almost sympathetic as she watched me begin to blush. Yes, I was goddamn blushing. Shut it.
But then perplexity marred her brow. “I’m really not the problem,” she murmured as if realizing something.
I closed my eyes, glad she’d at least stopped thinking she had something wrong with her. “No. You’re not the problem at all.” My body would love to dive into hers, right that second, actually.
Sarah sniffed. “Well...you can’t be the problem. You’re perfect. And you’ve done this before, so—”
“Yes, thank you,” I bit out, cutting her off sharply. “You’ve made it perfectly clear you think I’m a man-slut and fuck any woman who wants it from me. I got it.”
Rearing back because the scorn in my voice obviously startled her, she immediately began to shake her head. “No. That’s not what I meant at all, Brandt. You know I don’t think... “ But her words trailed off and her head tilted to the side as she studied me intently.
