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Why? Why had I pushed?
It could’ve been because Seth had rattled me, maybe, left me questioning everything, and I’d just grown so determined to show him and myself—heck, the entire world—that I could be a normal, average woman. But Brandt had been right again when he’d told me I was trying to use him to make myself feel better.
God, I hated it when he was right. I’d never meant to belittle and objectify him.
Even so, not knowing whatever secret he was keeping bothered me. A lot. We didn’t keep secrets from each other, though now that I thought of it, he’d never shared anything of his sex life with me, purposefully keeping me separated from that part of him. I just...I couldn’t figure out why.
I was humiliated and embarrassed, sad, hurt, and yet extremely glad he’d come back and made us talk it through. If we’d left it as a fight in front of my house, I would’ve been too ashamed to ever face him again.
And now I felt even worse for hurting his feelings, and then for picking at something that was obviously a tender subject for him.
I’d make it up to him.
I’d apologize again. Bake him some cookies. Something.
When my alarm clock went off, I slapped at my snooze button for like the third time this morning and sighed up at my ceiling, wishing I could just stay curled in bed for the rest of the year...or at least until I shed this crappy guilt.
Seconds later, my bedroom door burst open and Gracen, followed by Issa, raced inside to climb onto my bed and then climb onto me, babbling something about cereal, I think.
“Issa! Gray!” Reese was only a few seconds behind them as she burst into the room. “Let your aunt sleep.” She looked bedraggled and half dressed for work. “I’m so sorry, Sarah. I’ll get them out of here.”
“No, it’s fine,” I told her. “Go ahead and do whatever you need to do. They can hang out with me for a few minutes while you get ready. I don’t have class until nine.”
“Oh my God. Thank you! I’m running late and really appreciate it.” She slapped a quick kiss to my forehead, told her two children to behave, and then escaped from the room.
The twins stayed on the bed with me, and we played tickle games until Reese had everything in order. She was scarfing down a granola bar when she popped back in to collect them. “Thanks again, Sarah. You’re a lifesaver.” After scooping up Gray, she tugged Issa to the floor by her hand. Then she paused to ask, “Do you need help with anything?”
She asked me that every day. Most of the time, I did need something, help with my hair, underwear, makeup. But she was already late and besides, it struck me how much time she’d put into me over the years. Not wanting to be an obligation this morning and knowing I could get the bare essentials by myself with a little more time and effort, I shook my head. “No thanks. I got it.”
That made her pause uncertainly. “You sure?”
I nodded. Today, I just couldn’t be a bother to anyone. I couldn’t...I don’t know. After last night, I was still feeling selfish and needy. So it was extra important to me to prove to myself that I could get by just fine without relying on everyone else for my comfort and happiness.
And I ended up nearly being late for my first class of the day because of it. Usually, I showed up early. But this morning, I rolled into the lecture hall just as the professor was beginning class. Most of the seats were taken, so I paused my chair at the front of the room next to the last row and used my lap as a desk as I dragged my laptop from my book bag to take notes.
The hour dragged on, and I spaced out for most of it.
Fortunately, I had a free space after that and thought a drink, something full of sugar and caffeine, might provide the kick-start I needed. Reese had gotten me hooked on her white chocolate mocha addiction, so I headed toward the nearest Starbucks on campus when I heard someone call my name.
Since I had such a common first name, I ignored it until a second later, the same voice hollered, “Yo, Arnosta. Wait up!”
That caused me to pause on the sidewalk and glance around the busy quad until I noticed the tall, lean guy waving me down as he jogged over.
I blinked, sure I had to be seeing things. But that familiar grin that looked too much like his brother’s was impossible not to recognize. “What the heck are you doing here?”
Colton laughed as he reached me. “College day. I got out of a full day of school to visit campus, meet my advisor, take a tour, shit like that.”
“Oh. My. God,” I uttered, shaking my head. “I still can’t believe you’re old enough to graduate high school. I swear it was just yesterday you were only eight and asking me why I shook so much.”
He closed his eyes and winced. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”
Grinning, I shook my head. “Not when it’s so fun to tease you.”
He huffed out a sound before his face split back into an ornery grin. “Hey, I was going to contact you last week, see if you could hack into my school records and lower a grade for me, but big brother growled around about it and seemed to think you wouldn’t go for that.”
The mention of big brother made my smile falter, but then I wrinkled my nose. Had he just said lower his grade? “I wouldn’t have,” I told him, tilting my head to the side and wincing against the blaring sunlight as I tried to look up at him. “Besides, if you wanted a worse grade, why didn’t you just purposely get some answers wrong on your tests?”
He shrugged and sent me a moody glance. “I dunno. It’s a pride thing, I guess. But now I’m fucking stuck with these awesome scores, and I’m going to end up salutatorian. You know, they make you give a shitty speech at graduation if you’re salutatorian.”
