AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I frowned back, hunching my shoulders over my body protectively as I kept the pillow firmly in place over my stupid, swollen junk.
Suddenly her lips parted with a sharp intake of breath. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”
Snorting my denial, I began to shake my head. But my mind zipped to the one thing I couldn’t tell anyone, and shit, I gulped. That should have nothing to do with this, but what if it did? It had affected my sex life, kept me from letting women touch me there, ever. It left me feeling dirty, way too dirty to ever put such filth inside Sarah. It still haunted my dreams sometimes at night.
Holy fuck, what if my mother had ruined any chance I ever could’ve had to be with the woman I loved?
Sarah shook her head as if in denial, but her eyes kept growing as she stared at my face. I knew I was giving everything away with my paling, guilty expression.
“But you tell me everything,” she murmured in a soft, confused, hurt voice.
I lowered my face, ashamed.
“Brandt,” she whispered, sounding so concerned I had to squeeze my eyes shut against it. I heard the bedsheet rustle as she scooted closer. Warm fingers touched my arm. “You know you can tell me anything.”
I shook my head, still unable to look up at her. “I can’t...tell you this.”
“Okay.” She said it firmly as if she understood, though I knew she understood nothing. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about anything. We don’t have to do anything. I’ll stop upsetting you.”
I glanced at her, still feeling shitty because I hadn’t given her the one thing I knew she wanted most. “I’m sorry. You know I’d do anything for you. I just...I can’t do this.”
With a nod, she repeated, “Okay. It’s okay.”
But it didn’t feel okay. There was still a foot of space between us. “Can we just cuddle?” I asked, only to wince. “Jesus, I sound like a fucking chick.”
Sarah laughed. “Hey! Since I’m part of this superior chick species you’re bashing, I’d say that’s not such a bad thing, but yeah...yeah, we can totally just cuddle.”
“Thank you.”
I must’ve looked as vulnerable as I felt because she took my hand and led me up her bed toward the pillows. We each kicked off our shoes and then crawled under the sheets together, both of us still fully dressed.
Hugging her close, I buried my face in her hair. She petted my head, quiet for a minute before murmuring, “If you’re like disfigured—you know, down there—it wouldn’t bother me. I mean, heck, I probably wouldn’t even know the difference since I’ve never seen one before.”
I laughed, pretty sure that was her intent the entire time, to lighten the mood. “Shut up, smart-ass. I’m not disfigured.”
“Oh.” I swear, she actually sounded disappointed about that. “Well...whatever. I’m just saying, it wouldn’t have mattered.”
“Go to sleep,” I rumbled into her hair.
“Demandy pants,” she huffed back even as her body settled more snuggly against mine.
When she went still a minute later, I knew she was out.
I relaxed some myself and then tugged her even closer. But sleep didn’t come nearly as quickly for me. First of all, I was still tempted to give her exactly what she wanted, and my cock wouldn’t stop throbbing. But most importantly, I was worried. She knew I had some kind of secret now. What if she somehow got it out of me? What if she learned what I’d done?
I wasn’t sure I could survive if that happened.
SARAH
/>
I felt crappy when I woke up Tuesday morning.
Brandt was gone. I pressed my hand to his empty pillow, hoping the night before hadn’t happened. Not the date part. The date had been amazing. And not even the part where he’d curled around me and clutched me for dear life as we’d fallen asleep together. That had been soul-binding.
But the part where I’d ruined everything by asking him to take my virginity. That...yeah, that part had sucked balls. Big, mutated, elephant-sized donkey balls.
I still couldn’t believe I’d done it. Right up until the second the question had popped out of my mouth, I hadn’t planned on asking it. And then he’d even gone and given me an out as soon as I’d said it, telling me we could just forget about it. But no...I’d just had to push.
