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I laughed, a languid, happy giggle. “That’s priceless. I love it. It’s a perfect story for a little boy too. And I guess you used it if you’ve run out.”
“Well, I used it as breath spray too. And I’ve had it nearly ten years so...of course I’ve used it all by now.”
“Makes sense.” A couple of quiet moments passed before I skimmed my hand up the arm that was wrapped around my waist and squeezed his bicep warmly. “Want to know a secret from me?”
Even as I asked, my stomach muscles clenched, making me wonder why I was opening up to him.
But then he said, “Of course,” and I had to admit the truth.
“I’m really not a cuddler, but this...this I like.”
“Hell yes, you do,” he agreed with a hungry kind of growl as he tugged me tighter against him. “Because you’re cuddling with me.”
“Oh, Jesus.” I rolled my eyes but grinned as I did. “We really need to work on your ego, you know that?”
“Nah, I actually don’t think all that highly of myself. I’m pretty realistic about who and what I am. All the hoopla I put on is mostly a ruse, just to have some fun. The truth is, I’m not all that. I’ve let down some of the people closest to me in the worst ways possible.”
He sounded so sad about that. Sad and Colton should never be used in the same sentence. I rubbed his arm, trying to think up something wise and comforting to say.
But then he sighed.
“It really eats at you, you know,” he admitted quietly, “when someone you love suffers because of you. But fuck, what’re you supposed to do when they recover and forgive you? Get all depressed and turn emo because of it? Or pick your damn self back up, laugh it off, and try to make their sacrifice worth something?”
I shook my head, surprised he was spilling all this to me, but kind of really touched by it too. “Okay, you can’t just vague bomb me like that and not expect me not to want to know what you’re talking about.”
“Fine, here’s one example. When I was nine, my family went to this park to have a picnic. My sister, Caroline, and her husband, Ten, took me down this condemned walking trail to see a waterfall. But the place was condemned because of really bad ground erosion around the river. Well...I got too close to the side and began to fall in, but Ten jumped forward and pulled me back, only to fall in himself.”
I sucked in
a breath. “Did he…?”
“He lived,” Colton reassured me. “But he got a pretty good bash on his head that put him in a coma for a while. Then when he woke, he’d lost his memory. It took Caroline to help him get that back. Today, he’s fine except for a nasty scar on his face, which reminds me every time I see it that I’m responsible for it.”
I turned around to face him and cupped his beautiful flawless face in my hands. I knew as I stared into his eyes that he wished he could’ve taken on the coma, memory loss and scarring his brother-in-law had suffered himself.
“Maybe you should see it as a reminder of how much you’re loved,” I said.
He studied my face right back, and I could tell he wanted to disagree. But he murmured, “Yeah, maybe you’re right.” Then he grinned. “All the same, it’s just as well you and I are only fucking here. I mean, if we’d actually attempted some kind of relationship or something, I’d probably just end up failing you too.”
He closed his eyes as if he were going to fall asleep on me but it was only late afternoon, so he had to be faking it to avoid more conversation.
But I leaned toward him anyway and murmured, “Somehow, I kind of doubt that.” Then I placed a light kiss to the middle of his forehead.
His lips quirked in a pleased grin, and his arms tightened securely around me as he made a comforted sound from his throat.
A long breath eased from his lungs and his body relaxed against mine. When I realized he really was falling asleep, I decided a little nap might not be so bad. This cuddling business really was awesome. Anything to prolong it sounded good. So I settled my cheek against his chest, wrapped my arm around his waist and closed my eyes.
When I woke again over an hour later, he was gone.
My heart short-circuited with disappointment until I noticed the note by my pillow.
I creased the letter how he’d had it folded in the first place and pressed it to my chest before grinning madly.
Monday couldn’t come soon enough.
COLTON’S CHAPTER | 19
I felt weird the next day. I wanted to text Julianna, call her, go see her, spend the entire day inside her. I knew she said she had to work today, but that wouldn’t be until this evening. She probably had all morning and early afternoon free. If I’d played my cards right, I could’ve spent that entire time in her bed.
