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But, no. It kind of freaked me out how badly I wanted to be with her. So I refrained from all contact.
Okay, mostly all contact. I’d had to send her one message first thing this morning.
You know, just so she wouldn’t forget she’d made an arrangement with me and wouldn’t try to schedule something else Monday night. It was just a reminder, not any kind of hi-how-are-you-I-miss-you-I-want-back-inside-you bullshit. No. Definitely not.
But my heart still skipped into overdrive when I saw that she’d read the message and was typing out a reply.
When only two numbers popped onto my screen, I laughed out loud.
Across the room, the sheets on Beau’s bed rustled as he came awake. Shit. I’d woken the kid.
Oh well. It was worth it. Julianna had responded and made me smile.
Grinning madly, I typed:
She sent back the middle finger emoji, so I sent back the face blowing a kiss.
And my day was made.
It being Saturday, I had no classes, nor did Noel have to teach or get the kiddos to their sitter. This either meant Aspen was going to be overwhelmed and grow irritated with us all for being home together all day, or she’d be happier because she wasn’t stuck alone yet again while we were gone.
Preparing for the worst but hoping for the best, I walked Beau from our room and down the hall toward the kitchen. We both fell to a surprised halt when we reached the doorway to find Aspen out of her room and pacing the floor with Lucy Olivia in her arms.
“Mama!” Beau cried ecstatically and surged forward. I reached forward to stop him, but he slipped right through my fingers. “Do you feel better? You’re not sick anymore?” He threw his arms around her legs and hugged her tight.
From the counter where he was preparing a bottle, Noel whirled around to gape in horror at his son. “Whoa, buddy. Let’s give Mom a little space while she’s holding the baby, okay? Help me make this bottle, will you?”
Lucy O made a whiny grumble, and I’m sure Noel froze and held his breath just as much as I did while we waited for Aspen’s reaction. But she merely started jiggling the infant soothingly and making shh sounds. I exhaled, and Noel encouraged his son to help him with the bottle.
My brother and I were both overly tense at breakfast. I helped get food on the table without talking much, afraid anything I said would upset the moment. But Aspen joining us in the kitchen was just…this was new. I don’t think either Noel or I could trust it as a good thing, though. I kept worrying that Beau bringing up her “sickness” would set her off again, or Lucy O would cry and she’d lose it. But none of that happened.
Noel trying to be too helpful was what actually pissed her off.
“Want me to hold her while you eat?” he offered, already reaching out his arms to take the baby.
Aspen scowled and snapped, “Will you just relax already? I think I can hold my own baby.” And she stood up from her chair and stormed from the room with Lucy O in her arms.
Noel’s shoulders sank. Beau darted glances between me and his dad, and I just sighed.
“What do you need me to do?” I asked quietly.
He glanced meaningfully at his son. I nodded.
We both loved that Aspen was out of her room, but neither of us wanted to overwhelm her with too much at once. And when it came to Beau, he was an all or nothing kind of kid. He’d want to climb all over her, and talk to her, and probably scare her right back into hiding.
So as soon as breakfast was over and the place was cleaned up, I texted my sister.
Sweet. That was just what I wanted to hear, so the kid and I knocked on her front door within the hour.
Ten opened it with an overeager Teagan wiggling in his arms. That split second of seeing the scars on his face hit me with the usual regret before Julianna’s words rang through my head.
Maybe you should see it as a reminder of how much you’re loved.
And that actually helped. Instead of more guilt and shame for causing it, I let the idea that he’d gone through all that because he liked me seep into my bones.
“Bo Bo,” Teagan screamed, jerking me back to the present, right before she launched herself at her cousin as soon as Ten set her on the ground. “Come play with me.”
She grabbed Beau’s hand, and the two scampered off down the hall, almost trampling Caroline who was entering the front room.
