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The vibration of those words against her skin sent another shock of awareness up her arm. She shivered and shook her head, unable to believe how much heat pooled in her belly, or how much shame swirled in his gaze.
He’d honestly felt guilty all these years, thinking he’d wronged her. She wanted to put her arms around him and hug him. She instinctively knew little, petite her could comfort this enormous, muscled man with his wide shoulders hunched in humiliation. She could take all his misery away…if only she had the nerve.
Chickening out, she licked her lips and dropped her hand from his mouth. “You did nothing wrong. I’m the one who’s sorry.”
He glanced at her with an amused smile. “You already said that. And I still don’t know what you have to be so sorry about.”
She bubbled out an incredulous laugh. “My God, you stood up to the most powerful man in Tommy Creek and tried to convince him you’d impregnated his eighteen-year-old daughter. I still can’t decide if you’re the bravest person I ever met or the craziest. But you did it, just because you knew I wanted your help.” She wiped a sudden dampness off her cheeks. “And I knew you’d help me if I asked. I took advantage of your kindness. I used you, and I’m horrified by my actions.”
He shook his head, frowning. “No, it was my decision, Jo Ellen. You didn’t trick, or force, or pressure, or cajole me in any way. And technically, you never even asked. I straight up volunteered.”
“But you’re naturally so giving and helpful. And I was selfish. Deep inside, I knew you would sacrifice everything to help me. Because that’s just who you are.”
He stared at her a solid ten seconds before he shook his head. “You’re wrong. If I saw a car stuck in the ditch, yeah, I’d pull over to give them a hand. But this was my entire future on the line. I was prepared to become a father, possibly a husband…” He paused to glance meaningfully at her, making her stomach grow tight and warm. “I wouldn’t have done that for just any stranger on the side of the road. Hell, I wouldn’t have done it for Emma Leigh if it had been her instead of you.”
His words left her breathless and bewildered. “But…” She frowned, confused. “What?”
“There’s only one reason I lied to you about us having sex because I wanted to take Untermeyer’s place. I wanted to be with you, no one else. And if claiming your baby was the only way to get you, I was fully prepared—even eager—to do just that.”
With no idea how to answer, she stared at him, stunned. Even Emma Leigh’s words earlier this evening couldn’t prepare her for this.
To shock her further, he added, “I was crazy in love with you in high school, and you broke my heart the day you hooked up with someone else our sophomore year. Then you broke it again when you promised me you’d dump him the night we kissed and go out with me instead, because the next morning, you forgot all about me.”
Chapter Thirteen
Jo Ellen had never quite known what to do about Cooper Gerhardt. He’d been so helpful to her and expected nothing in return. Through the years, she’d constantly wavered between wanting to apologize, repay him, and thank him for what he’d done. Now that confusion had just magnified by a hundred.
Silence filled the cab of his truck as she digested his words. Unable to speak, barely able to breathe, she pressed her hand to her chest as if to force her stunned heart to keep beating. He’d carried a torch for her all the way through high school, and she hadn’t even suspected. It didn’t seem real.
A minute passed. He kept the engine running, waiting for her to respond or leave. But she didn’t push out of his truck; she just sat there like an idiot. And she didn’t respond. She wanted to; knew she should reply. But for the life of her, she didn’t know what to say. Thank you sounded lame. Sorry wouldn’t do at all, because she wasn’t sorry; she was downright flattered, which scared the life out of her. But she couldn’t say that because, well…she just couldn’t.
So the silence stretched on before he cleared his throat. “It’s getting late. You should probably go.”
She winced, feeling dismissed. Rejected. Nodding, she shoved on her door handle, escaping as fast as she could, humiliated for lingering in his presence when he’d clearly wanted her gone.
After a brief, stiff farewell wave from each party, she shut his door and dashed to her car. Like a gentleman, he waited, keeping his headlights focused on her Kia Optima so she could see to dig her keys from her purse and climb into her driver’s seat. He didn’t back away until she’d depressed her brake to reverse from her parking spot.
When she made it home, her parents’ house was dark. She snuck in, pausing at the back door and trying to remember making out with him there, but only vague, blurry images dashed through her head.
Sleep didn’t come until much later, and even when she dropped off, her rest wasn’t easy. She woke early and crawled into her old thinking spot, sitting on the cushioned window seat in her childhood bedroom. Chewing on her thumbnail, she watched the Texas sunrise over the horizon. A strip of brilliant orange broke into the dismal gray clouds, slowly growing thicker and turning the air above it more cyan with each dawning minute.
And as the sky became clearer, so did her thoughts.
Her stomach worked into knots as she decided Cooper hadn’t been dismissing her at all last night. The considerate man had probably been trying to give her an out; worried his confession had made her uncomfortable, which it had. It was all so surreal, though, and too flattering to believe. She liked the idea of him being crazy in love with her so much it scared her and knocked the breath straight from her lungs. She had just needed to escape, to…to digest.
But as she grew more and more certain he’d only been thoughtful, the worse she felt for fleeing without even responding to his big declaration.
Okay, so it hadn’t been a declaration of current love, but past childhood love, ten years gone by. There was certainly no way he still felt any of those emotions these days. But that by no means excused her from reacting so hideously wrong.
Jo Ellen thunked her head back against the wall of the window box, wishing she had better social skills at dealing with admissions of childhood crushes. Put her in a crowded room full of rich socialites and she could keep them chatting for hours, praising themselves for all their life-accomplishments. But stick her in a truck with a single farm boy expressing his affection and she became a brainless nimrod.
A muffled wail through the wall from Emma Leigh’s room made her lift her face and glance in that direction. The Thornbrockmores were definitely awake. After a couple seconds, the baby’s cry ceased. The muffled voice of her sister followed by Branson’s deeper tone stirred a strong emotion through Jo Ellen’s chest, reminding her once again what her sister now had and she did not. It also reminded her of something else Cooper had said the night before.
Do you ever wonder what she would’ve been like?
She set her hand on her stomach. He’d asked her about her baby, which made her feel strangely connected to Cooper, and also made her want to repair whatever riff she’d created between them. He had talked with her about something no one else had even attempted.
Pulling her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her cheek atop a kneecap. The sun was almost fully over the horizon now, a bright ball of hope that had her sitting up straight and making a firm decision.
