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He glanced at her and sighed. “It said Brendal wasn’t my sister. Not my full sister anyway. She’s not my dad’s biological daughter.”
Mouth dropping open, Jo Ellen gaped. “She cheated on your dad?”
He scowled. “No, not exactly. She was already pregnant when she married him though.”
“Oh my God.”
When she didn’t say anything else, looked incapable of further speech, he nodded. “Yeah.” That had pretty much been his response too. “So there you have it. The deep, dark, dirty Gerhardt family secret. My innocent, sweet, God-fearing mother married my dad while she was pregnant with another man’s baby.”
“Holy…” Jo Ellen opened her mouth a few times before lying down to rest her cheek lightly atop his chest. “Did Thad know?”
He nodded. “Yes. The letter was from him actually; to her. Never once in my life did I see him show her any physical affection, like a touch, or a hug, or a kiss. All these years, I just assumed that’s how they were, you know. How he was—outwardly gruff and distant but inwardly soft and caring. But I don’t think that was the case at all. He poured his heart out in that letter, told my mother how much he loved her, how he’d always loved her. He knew she still loved Brendal’s real father, but I guess the guy died in Vietnam or something, I don’t know. Those details were vague. What he emphasized was how much he cared for her. He actually told her it was okay if she didn’t return his feelings, he could love her enough for the both of them. Then he begged her to marry him. He swore he’d raise her child as his own, and no one would ever know the difference. And…I guess that’s exactly what they did, because none of us ever knew.”
He closed his eyes, still feeling the shock of his discovery reverberating through him.
“Does…does your sister…does Brendal know?”
Cooper shook his head. “No. Only Mama and I know.” He sniffed. “He never treated Bren any different than he treats the rest of us. It’s all just…so bizarre. So unreal. I don’t…nothing feels the same anymore. I can’t look her in the eye without thinking…I don’t know. I’m still too shocked. Too confused.”
Warm, soothing fingers stroked up to caress his arm. “Are you mad at your mother for keeping it a secret?”
He frowned and started to shake his head. “No, I…” It struck him then, why he was really upset. His father had loved his mother, loved her with everything he had, and all these years, she’d never returned his affections. All those times Thad had kept his distance from Loren, he’d been respecting her wishes, loving her quietly from afar.
Betrayal for his father’s sake plagued him more than anything else.
“I guess I’m not mad at her for that,” he realized aloud. “I can see why she did it, understand why she would want to keep it a secret. Times were different back then. But…I don’t know. I thought I was born out of love, you know. That I came from two people who cherished each other and wanted to be together. And if she never loved him all these years, did she ever really love me. I mean, I’m his son—”
“Cooper!” Jo Ellen pressed her mouth to his as if that were the only thing she could think to do to stop his stream of disjointed monologue. “Shh. You know your mother loves you.”
He sighed and closed his eyes. “I guess. But...” He wasn’t sure what else to add. He just knew nothing felt the same anymore.
Jo Ellen stroked his face and smiled gently. Snuggling down on top of him, she curled her arms around his waist and rested her head on his heartbeat. “I think you really need to talk to your mother and straighten this out. Just be open with her and tell her how you feel. I’m sure she’ll reassure all your worries and everything will be able to go back to normal for you.”
Cooper stroked her hair without answering. He knew she was right, but talking to his mother about…that, just felt too uncomfortable.
“You know,” Jo Ellen mused aloud. “I always thought you and Thad shared so many traits, but now I really see how much you two are alike.”
He tightened.
As soon as he’d found that letter, he’d felt the immediate kinship too, that helpless agony of loving a woman he knew didn’t love him back. That was probably one of the major reasons why he’d been so upset lately. It was fear. He instinctively knew he was going to end up like his father, always suffering from one-sided love.
“Don’t you think it’s ironic,” Jo Ellen said. “You didn’t even know he’d asked your mom to marry him so he could save her and her child, yet all those years later, you did the exact same thing, determined to marry me to help me keep my baby.”
With a stunned jolt, Cooper realized he hadn’t even thought of the correlation until that very moment. “Huh,” he said touching her hair. “You’re right. Strange.”
“Not so much. It just shows you how deeply honor is ingrained into the Gerhardt genes.”
“Yeah,” he murmured. “That must be it.” Wrapping his arm around her, he pressed his lips hard to her temple, cherishing this moment, knowing it would end and he’d be left heartbroken and unloved because that just seemed to be another family trait.
Chapter Nineteen
He walked Jo Ellen back to her car at dawn, just as he had the previous morning. This time he kissed her long and thorough before letting her even open the door to her Kia. And even after their mouths disconnected, they held one another, silently gripping each other as the sun rose higher above the horizon.
“I was going to visit my dad later this morning,” he said into her hair and inhaling deeply. “Would you like to go with me? You said something the other day about wanting to see him.”
She lifted her face to catch his tightening features, that instinctive internal struggle he felt every time he thought of Thad.
“Yes,” she said. “I’d love to go with you, but I was going to head over to the hospital with Emma Leigh and Branson to pick up Alexa and the new baby. They’re all being released today. But—”
