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Great. Here went nothing.
"When I was twenty-four, I met this guy named Ryan."
Drew immediately shifted in his chair, already looking uncomfortable.
"We dated for about five months before I got pregnant."
Perking to attention, Drew sat up and blinked, not expecting to hear that twist in the story.
"I liked Ryan," she told him. "I mean, sure. We’d gotten serious enough to sleep together. But our relationship was nowhere near the settling-down stage, and becoming parents was the last thing we were planning at that time in our lives. To say the least, this was an unexpected surprise."
Drew nodded adamantly, agreeing with her.
"But we both decided we wanted the baby, and we tried to make a go of it. He proposed the day our daughter Alexis was born."
Confusion reigned in his features. "But where—"
Mia held up a hand, stopping him from asking any question she wasn’t ready to answer yet. When he nodded and sat back, she took another moment to settle her racing heart.
"Life was so hectic those days," she murmured. "Suddenly I was a new mother, trying to plan a wedding, and then there was this precious little bundle of joy in my life." Eyes filling with tears, she smiled at Drew and said, "She was so wonderful. So perfect. I called her Lexie."
He visibly swallowed; his face drained of color.
Mia drew in a deep breath. "She was only three months old when it happened. I was exhausted all the time. Tired from the wedding plans, tired from taking care of Lexie, tired from work. I was still working part time, a night shift to help with the money. It seemed to drain the last of my energy. I didn’t want to get up every time she woke. It was so much easier to bring her to bed with me."
"Oh no," he whispered, horror prevalent on his features; he could probably tell exactly where her story was headed. He rubbed at the back of his neck, showing his unease.
"I had a couple of pillows set up between the mattress and the wall, so she wouldn’t roll over and hit her head or something, you know."
His nodded, fisting his hand against his mouth. His eyes were wide over his white knuckles.
But Mia couldn’t stop talking. The words spilled out of her. "But she didn’t hit the wall," her voice was hollow as she spoke. "She rolled under the pillow somehow and got stuck between the cushion and the mattress. It suffocated her to death."
Drew made a sound of regret and pain. She noticed his fingers were shaking and his knee was bobbing as he tried to contain his dread.
"I’d taken Infant CPR classes before she was born. I was actually prepared for this. But it was already too late. She’d probably been gone hours by the time I woke up."
He shook his head as if that would make her words untrue.
"What’s worse," she continued, her voice going hoarse. "I couldn’t even tell people it was SIDS. It wasn’t SIDS. I’d flat out suffocated my baby."
"No." Drew shot off his chair, falling to his knees and crawling to her until he was setting his hands heavily on her legs. "Mia, you didn’t—"
"I know," she said softly. "I’ve been through enough therapy and counseling to admit it was merely an accident. A very tragic, unfortunate accident."
"But you still feel guilty," he said. "I know I would."
"I was her mother. I was the one who was supposed to keep her safe, not put her in danger."
Drew took her limp hands from her lap and pulled them to his mouth kissing her fingers. "What about Ryan?"
Her gaze slid to her fingers still wet from his mouth. "He blamed me too."
"He what?" His face filled with hot anger. It warmed her to see him insulted on her behalf.
"He told me he didn’t, of course. But he’d never touch me. I needed his comfort and understanding more than anything, and he needed the same from me. We were just too broken to help each other. We ended the engagement about a month after the funeral."
"I’m sorry," Drew whispered, keeping her hand pressed against his mouth in a tight grip.
