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“You see all this,” I said. “This improvement. I did it for you. The last thing you asked of me before you left was to get better. And I promised you I would. Jesus fucking Christ, Bailey. You have no idea how hard it was just to get out of bed those first few mornings, to integrate myself into your dad’s world and be social again. I still wanted to burrow away somewhere and grieve because I missed you so bad. But I fought the urge, every goddamn day, because I’d made you a promise. I’ve even talked to someone about all my issues in order to get better. I was that determined to impress you. And yeah, maybe leaving Granton did help a lot, but it wasn’t because I was away from you. Being away from you just made it that much harder to do. So don’t you fucking get mad at me for busting my ass every hour of every day these past few weeks to keep my word to you. Be mad at me for…for…”
“For what?” she asked, her chest heaving with breathless anticipation and her bright eyes and glowing with hope.
I took five steps back to her. And then I took the leap. “For letting things go unsaid after our kiss. For not just doing this again.”
Gripping her by the back of the head, I tugged her against me and smashed our lips together.
It was like lighting a fuse. We exploded. She was just as eager to grip the front of my shirt and presser closer as I was to coax her mouth open and swirl my tongue against hers. She moaned and clung to me, grabbing fistfuls of my hair and climbing my body. I backed her into a wooden beam and then lifted her by the ass, clutching two handfuls until she wrapped her legs around me.
I broke my mouth away, panting for air, only to kiss my way up her throat. She was so sweet, and hot, and hungry for me, panting and receptive, resting her head back against the support beam and staring dazedly up at the twinkling strands of lights.
I studied the soft porcelain glow of her cheeks a moment before saying, “You may be right, I don’t need you anymore. But I sure as hell still want you, and nothing—nothing—has been better off without out you here.”
“You can’t…” She was breathing too heavily to talk in a complete sentence, but her expression told me she was still clouded with doubt when her gaze met mine. She shook her head before she winced and looked away. “You don’t want me. Not really.”
My eyebrow rose in challenge. “You want to say that to me again, looking me straight in the eye.”
Her gaze flared back to mine, meeting my dare. “You don’t want—”
I kissed her, grinding my erection against her, so she could feel just how much I really did want her.
“What don’t I want?” I taunted against her lips.
With a huff of irritation, she shoved against my chest, making me stumble back. Rage filled her face, and I worried I’d gone too far for a moment until she growled, “You don’t know what you’re saying, Beckett. You don’t really want me. You just feel obligated because I helped you through a bad situation. You’re not really attracted to me. How could you be? I’m a fat, ugly opinionated cow who blurts out what she’s thinking rashly without regard to how it’ll affect other people, some people that I would never want to hurt. So...yeah. What kind of idiot would even remotely be into that?”
I stepped to her, hovering. “I guess this kind of idiot, because you’re it for me, and I’m completely satisfied with everything you are.”
Shock filled her face. “But—”
“No buts. Just…feel this.” I grabbed her hand and crudely pressed it against my crotch, in case she’d missed my erection the first time I’d ground it against her palm. Under her touch, my already hard dick jerked excitedly. She gasped, her fingers twitching against me before her shocked gaze lifted to my face.
I pressed into her space until we were nose to nose. “You want the truth of what I think of you, Bailey Rae? This right here is the truth. My dick doesn’t react whatsoever to obligation or any other measly bullshit you try to accuse me of. This guy operates on nothing but pure, unadulterated attraction, and he’s been hungry for you for a while now. He thinks you’re beautiful and challenging and worth his attention. I think you’re beautiful and challenging and worth my attention. So don’t try to pass that fat, ugly cow bullshit off on me. It’s not going to work. I. Want. You. Not because I feel like I owe you anything, but because you’re you.”
No longer outright denying my claims, confusion clouded her features. “But I’m not—”
“What?” I snapped, still irritated she was questioning my desire. My love. “You’re not anorexic skinny? Well, thank God. You’re soft just where I like it soft and curvy where I like curves. You’re fucking perfect for me.”
I reached around to cup her ass and pull her flush against me until her soft breasts were mashed into my chest and she could feel my erection again. Then I lowered my face to run the tip of my nose up the side of her throat.
Her head fell back and she let out a pleased sigh. I knew she liked what I did to her. I knew she wanted me back. I just had to convince her it was real.
“Do I feel obligated to you?” I asked against her throat before kissing her cheek. “You betcha. Do I want to pay you back in the best way possible? Of course. You were the one to keep me propped up until I realized I could stand on my own. But there is so much more to you than just that. I see you, Bailey. I’ve seen all of you, and I’ve seen what you have in here,” I tapped the side of her head. “And in here.” Two of my fingers pressed gently against the center of her breastbone. “I’ve seen the real you. And I fucking adore it. I love it. I love you.”
Her mouth fell open. “Wha…what?”
“Fuck obligation,” I said pressing my forehead to hers. “I love you because you’re you. No one else could be you if they tried. And that’s why I want you.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Beck.” She reached for my face, but I caught her hands and kissed her palms.
“But the thing is, it wouldn’t matter if I didn’t find you attractive. I’d still be crazy in love with you.” This time when I took her fingers, I pressed it against my chest, right over my heart. “Every time we talk, this little thrill races through me, excited and eager to hear what crazy thing is going to blurt from you next. I love your loyalty in your friends, and your faith in me when I didn’t even think I’d recover from this. I love your drive and determination to keep going no matter what tries to push you down. I love how you have no filter and I never have to guess what you’re thinking. Until today, anyway.”
She gave a noisy swallow and then shuddered out a breath. Her lips began to tremble.
I kept talking. “But I do also think you’re beautiful. I used to lie awake at night just to watch you sleep because I thought you were so pretty. Your cheeks looked like a glass porcelain doll. I would reach out as softly and quietly as I could just to touch you without waking you up so I could make sure you were real. And when I’d just barely feel how soft and warm your skin was, I’d ache the rest of the night, feeling like a dumbass for wanting you so much when I knew I shouldn’t, when there was nothing I could offer you.”
Immediately, she began to shake her head. “Oh, but, Beck. You have so much to offer.”
I sniffed out a self-derisive laugh. “Really? That why you’ve pushed me away every time I’ve kissed you then?”
