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I guess I could no longer smile and talk to little kids, a fact proven true when the mom sucked in a sudden breath a second later. I lifted my face, noticing recognition widening her eyes.
“Oh, Lord. You’re… oh, my God.” She grabbed her daughter harshly and yanked her away from me before spinning them both away and hurrying to her SUV across the parking lot, while her kid cried, “But, mom. That man’s bleeding.”
They rushed from of the parking lot almost as quickly as Chance and Max and his crew had.
I sat there a few seconds longer before pulling myself together and slowly pushing myself to my feet. My truck was only about twenty feet away, but it felt like a damn mile. I really didn’t think my body could take much more abuse. Once I reached my ride, climbed behind the wheel, and pulled the door shut, I just sat there, resting my head back and closing my eyes. That one small walk felt as if it’d taken all the energy I had.
But I knew I couldn’t stay here much longer. Being recognized seemed to come with nothing but pain. I needed to find somewhere to go that was away from people. Away from pain.
I meandered out of town, out toward the university barn where I used to work, idly daydreaming about how I’d give anything to be shoveling the shit out of horse stalls right now. I let myself yearn for my old life, wishing it could all return to normal again as I turned deeper into the country and headed out to the University lake, which was really a small pond that all us aggie students went bass fishing from occasionally.
It was rarely ever used, and certainly not during typical school hours, so I knew I’d find the place empty. I parked near the shore and killed the engine to regroup.
For the longest time, I sat watching the occasional, lazy ripples across the surface of the water, or a wood duck float by. It was peaceful and beautiful and so out of place from all the ugliness surrounding me lat
ely. But like Bailey’s bedroom this morning, it almost felt too peaceful for me now.
I didn’t belong here anymore than I belonged out in public or in that perfect bedroom of hers with her. Wetness trickled down my cheek as I wondered if there was anywhere I belonged. Would anyone care at all if I just ceased to exist?
That thought was depressing, so I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. I tried to nap in the driver’s seat but it wouldn’t incline very far due to all my personal effects I had piled in the back, and besides there was no getting my ribs comfortable on such a hard surface.
The sun began to slide down in the sky, evening rose, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stand sleeping here all night.
I started the truck and headed back toward Granton. Not sure why I stuck around the area, there was nothing for me here. I could literally go anywhere in the world, there were no ties holding me down. I wouldn’t get far with the money I had, but there was no reason whatsoever for me to stay.
Except maybe for one.
I found myself back at her apartment twenty minutes later. Turning the truck off, I stared up at her place, my chest constricting with the idea of going to her right now. I had enough funds to last me a couple more nights at a hotel, but I needed to think bigger than that, plan for further into the future than a day or two.
Bailey had said the night before that I could stay at her place until I got back on my feet. At least I’m pretty sure I remembered her saying that; I hadn’t been too with it.
Besides, something ached in me, deep inside, feeling hollow at the thought of never seeing her again. I wasn’t sure if it was because I’d ditched out on her without saying goodbye, or something else. But I felt drawn here. Maybe I could just tell her thank you.
The only problem was I didn’t want to bother her. I barely knew her and she’d already done so much for me. Too much. I just couldn’t let myself become that obligated to anyone. It felt wrong. Not to mention the fact I wasn’t sure if I could ever look her in the eye again for the way I’d wigged out on her.
But I opened my doors, yearning and nearly desperate to see those springing blonde curls and those big gray eyes. I had this feeling she’d scold me when she saw me, mad because I’d taken off without saying goodbye, and I almost smiled at the image. Except smiling felt wrong too. Being around anything that brought me any kind of joy seemed inappropriate, so I veered away from her place instead of going toward it.
I entered the quiet park across the street and sat gingerly on the first bench I came across, not sure what the hell I was going to do.
Chapter 19
BAILEY
He’d vanished. The stupid boy had just up and disappeared on me when I’d been trying to take care of him.
Who the hell did that?
It pissed me off, but only because I refused to admit how much Beck’s disappearance worried the shit out of me, and kind of hurt my feeling too. He was in no position to be out on his own right now. How dare he skip out after the night we’d shared! And why would he leave me? Had I done something wrong?
Dammit.
What did he think he was doing anyway, taking off like that? He had nowhere to go!
I drove around, looking for him for a while. But I didn’t really know anything about him, had no idea where he’d go. Cursing him up one side and down another, I returned home and paced my place. I hoped he’d return, like he’d only gone out to run an errand or something. But by the time all my roommates made it home, Beck still hadn’t showed up.
Once more, I was unusually quiet and stressing out big time. I bypassed supper, which only prompted another visit to my room from Tess and Paige. I couldn’t quite look Paige in the eye. I wasn’t mad at her, but it felt weird to look at her, thinking she might worry about me creeping on her and Logan now. And Tess. I couldn’t tell Tess where I’d gone the night before or what I’d done. I always told her everything, never kept shit to myself.
Why couldn’t I tell even Tess what was going on?
