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I threw down the bottle into the sink and gripped his arms, shaking him roughly. “Then look me in the eye and swear to me that taking all these didn’t even cross your mind.”
He looked at me, his bright blue eyes so red and tormented. When his face crumpled with defeat, I knew it had crossed his mind.
“Oh, Beck.”
“I didn’t take any,” he swore.
“But what about tomorrow?” I exploded. “What happens when I leave you alone again? How the hell can I not worry it won’t cross your mind tomorrow, but maybe just a little more persistently the next time? Holy shit, Beck, I can’t deal with this. I can’t…I don’t do drama and emotion and freaking nervous breakdowns. I can’t even deal with my own hard times. When the going gets tough, I run to the hair salon and get my hair dyed. I can’t deal with anything! Now you’re standing here, contemplating suicide and I’m the only fucking person on the planet who actually gives a shit enough to want to stop you. Oh my fucking God!”
I let him go to grip my head and spin away, unable to look at him. “Don’t do this to me. How could you…” I whirled back. “What do you think it would’ve done to me to come in here and find you dead just now?”
“Jesus,” he breathed, stepping close to touch the side of my head. “I wouldn’t do that to you, Bailey. I won’t. I swear it. I don’t know what I was thinking. The thought just barely crossed my mind.” His lips parted with a terrible kind of realization before he quietly added, “And it wasn’t terrible.”
“Yes, it goddamn well is terrible,” I shrieked like a banshee, basically screaming at the top of my lungs. “Suicide is bad, Beck. But yours would shatter me. Don’t you ever fucking do that to me again. I will strangle you to within an inch of your life, and then I’ll resuscitate you and force you back to life. Because that’s what you’re going to do. Do you hear me? You’re going to fucking live!”
“Yes, I hear you,” he hollered right back, his voice booming deep as his eyes narrowed with irritation and his brow puckered madly. “You’re fucking screaming in my face. I think everyone in the goddamn city heard you. Now hear me. I didn’t take any. I’m not going to. And your yelling at me is probably the worst way ever to talk a guy off the ledge if he really were going to do any of that shit.”
“Well, excuse me if I yell when I get scared,” I yelled.
“Well, stop being scared, dammit, because I told you it was fine. I’m fine.”
“Except fine never really means fine.”
We were both screaming these things at the tops of our voices, right into the other’s faces. I’d had this kind of screaming match with brothers before. But it’d certainly never made me feel so exhilarated. I swear, Beckett’s bright blue eyes flashed with the same kind of adrenaline rush as he stepped closer to me.
“My fine means fine,” He shouted.
“Oh my God, what is going on?”
When the voice came from the doorway, Beck and I sprang apart as if we’d been caught canoodling or something.
Paige and Logan stood in the doorway, gaping us before Jonah’s face appeared over their shoulders.
“Are those my old pills?”
I linked my hands together behind my back and dug the toe of one shoe into the floor in front of me. “Oh, hey, guys…” I said slowly. “You’re, uh, you’re home early.”
Nothing to see here. I hadn’t just been screaming into the face of the stowaway boy I’d been stashing in our apartment for the past few nights without their knowledge. Nope, not me.
“We’re actually home late,” Paige answered slowly, lifting her eyes from the pills scattered on the floor before glancing questionably at Beck and turning to rest her attention on me.
I glanced at the time. Shit, she was right. Oh, God. This was so embarrassing. How long had I been yelling at Beck and getting strangely turned on by it?
“Oh,” I said in a small voice. Then I motioned to Beck. “This is—”
“Beckett Hilliard,” Logan answered for me.
Beck glanced at him, then blinked before tipping his head as if he recognized my roommate. “Designated Dave?” he asked, confused.
“My name’s actually Logan.”
That only seemed to perplex Beck more. “Really?” I knew he wanted to know why everyone called Logan Designated Dave, but he refrained, only glancing at me to let me know he had no clue what to say next.
I was going to let them know Beck was going to stay with us for a while and was trying to think up how to say it even as I opened my mouth. But Tess’s voice came from somewhere in the back of the crowd. “Can we move this to the living room so I can see what’s going on?”
Her request actually worked. Paige and Logan backed from the doorway and disappeared for a few seconds.
Beck and I exchanged chagrined glances. Then he hurried to scoop up all the pill bottles and put them back onto the shelf in the cabinet. After that, he blew out a cheekful of air, silently letting me know he was ready to do this. So I took his hand and led him from the bathroom.
