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“I liked it,” I blurted, making her pause and squint at me in confusion. I swallowed and then whispered, “I liked hearing why you took the video. I liked it a lot, like, I was about to make a pass at you before I realized how inappropriate and wrong that was. I’m sorry, Bailey.” Glancing down at my hands, I tried to hide my shame. “I would never do that do you. I won’t ever take advantage of your good graces. It just scared me how close I came to making a move, I…yeah, I freaked. I’m sorry.”
When she didn’t answer, I finally risked a glance up. She was studying me so strangely, I straightened and said, “What?”
Bailey shook her head, but then she said, “It’s probably just because you feel obligated to me.”
I glanced at her, wincing. “Huh?” That explanation didn’t sound right at all.
“You…” She cleared her throat and glanced away. “You’re confused right now. And I’m the only person who’s really stepped forward to help you, so you feel…”
When she didn’t come up with another word for how she thought I felt, I began to shake my head, not liking where this was headed because that wasn’t how I felt at all.
But she only nodded. “Yes. You feel as if you owe me something.”
Well, okay, yeah, I did feel as if I owed her every
thing, but I didn’t want to sex her up because I thought it was the best way to pay her back for saving me.
Did I?
No. I started to shake my head again. But she set a hand on my arm.
“Don’t worry, Beck. You don’t owe me anything. So I won’t let us go there.”
When she calmly let go of me, I merely watched without a fight as she climbed out of the tub and left the bathroom.
My chest felt hallow and carved out, and I still wanted to argue with her. Except I felt too confused. I hadn’t really wanted to make a pass at her because I just felt like I should, did I? That theory felt all wrong, and yet everything else felt muddled and confused. I had no idea what was really going on. I just understood that nothing between us would ever happen because Bailey had explicitly just said it wouldn’t.
Not that I blamed her. She’d seen me with Melody. Of course, she wanted nothing to do with that. But still…it all left me strangely empty inside.
Chapter 25
BAILEY
Monday night was weird.
Beckett and I had worked out and resolved everything to do with the video, something I was sure we’d never get past. I didn’t think he’d ever forgive me. And I was certain I’d never be able to look him in the eye again. But after our talk in the bathtub, we’d worked through it. And yet, it seemed like we’d opened up another problem.
The thing was, I had no idea what the problem was. I just felt the tension that that sprouted between us.
He waited until I was ready to turn in for the night before he took his shower, as if he wanted me to be asleep by the time he came out so he wouldn’t have to deal with the moment we both crawled into bed together. So I feigned being asleep when he exited the bathroom and sadly, I heard his sigh of relief when he fell for my act.
Seconds later, the sheets on the other half of the bed lifted and the mattress dipped as he lay down beside me. But he tossed and turned for a while before he finally set a hand on my arm. At first, I thought he was trying to wake me up to talk to me, but then I realized his grip was too light, like he was worried about waking me. Seconds later, his breathing evened and he was out.
My lips parted with sudden realization. He hadn’t been able to fall asleep until he’d made physical contact with me.
I closed my eyes, wondering what the heck was going on here. I was only supposed to be helping him out of a bad situation, and yet these feelings were surging and these wants were sprouting. Why did it affect me so freaking, stupidly strongly to realize he needed to touch me before he could settle down enough to go to sleep? I had a bad feeling I was beginning to like this guy more than I should, and I was beginning to want things from him I knew I shouldn’t.
If I kept this shit up, I’d end up getting myself hurt.
I twisted around until I was facing him so I could watch him sleep. My chest constricted with this big, deep ache and I watched to touch his cheek. I wanted to lean forward and set my mouth against his. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and curl in close to his heat.
When I finally fell asleep, I dreamed about him, strange, confusing dreams of us being together and then not together, of him calling me a fat bitch the same way Chance Fairfield had and then spitting on me. And then him rearing back his arm to hit me, laughing the entire time, and telling me no one could ever love someone like me.
I woke on a gasp to my alarm sounding. Beck stirred next to me but didn’t fully wake. I shut up the irritating blare and groaned in misery as I crawled out of bed, sore and extra tired from the bizarreness of my dreams.
Beckett still hadn’t woken by the time I showered and changed and readied myself for the day, so I left him to sleep while I went to the kitchen for breakfast.
All four of my roommates were already up and preparing their own morning meals when I entered. I slowed to a stop, suddenly aware of the last time I’d seen them and what they all knew about me now.
