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Why?
Why had I been forced to experience that with her? Wasn’t it torture enough knowing she was married to someone else, to understand they would lay together eventually? Why did I have to feel it with them? To know when it was happening?
To say the least, I didn’t sleep that night. At all.
Chapter 30
Vienne
I woke to an angry baby and pounding headache.
“Sorry, my lady,” a maid was telling me, her voice high and distressed as she jiggled a wailing Anniston in her arms. “I tried to keep her happy and quiet to let you sleep off all the festivities from last night, but I fear she won’t be calmed until she has her mother.”
Nodding, I sat up and held out my arms so the girl could hand me my child. But, wow, I must’ve slept hard. I hadn’t heard Anniston wake or the maid enter my room to help with her.
When she instantly calmed at the sound of my crooning voice, it warmed something inside me that made me forget all about how much I’d drunk the night before.
Anniston had a way of making everything better. I smiled at her as she fed, tracing her cheek with a single finger and sighing. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you know that, little girl? The very best.”
She opened her eyes when I spoke, meeting my affectionate gaze with her own content expression. And though being with her brought me all the peace and love in the world, my mind strayed to another.
Urban.
He’d felt all these things for me that I felt for Anniston without even knowing me first, without learning if I deserved it. It made me wonder if maybe that was what one true love really was: the selfless giving of your heart to another without reason, thought, consequence or gain. I had loved Anniston before I ever looked into her eyes, before I could ascertain if she deserved it first, and I knew I would still love her no matter what kind of woman she grew up to be. Just as Urban did for me.
That was a profound realization. He loved me as I loved my baby. It made me wonder why I had been so afraid to admit I even liked him in return. Why had I been determined to guard my heart where he was concerned? He’d already proven he was worth it, and I liked being in his company; I liked him. He was a good, honorable man who made me hope, and want, and yearn. Why fight that?
Because it might hurt? Because it would be hard to deal with? Well, that was stupid, because this entire situation was already difficult, and I already hurt. Besides, I could still love him even if we never became husband and wife. Marriage hadn’t made me fall in love with Soren, and it couldn’t seem to keep me out of love with Urban.
I’d always told myself I would love whomever I saw fit, because that was the one thing I could control in my life. My heart was mine. Yet I’d been purposely denying it any feelings for the man I wanted to love because of the obstacles surrounding us.
Well, no more. The heart was meant to love. So I would let it.
And I should stop thinking of myself as disloyal or unfaithful for merely loving another. Love had never been part of my marriage, so how could I betray Soren by giving my heart to another when he never had it? I could enjoy Urban from across a room without ever touching him.
I could.
Finding great peace and resolve from that decision, I asked the maid for some tea and the last few grumpackers I had in my gift baskets from Allera—or now that I thought about it, they’d probably come from Urban all along, hadn’t they?
I took my time eating them, savoring each bite. And I swear, they were the sweetest grumpackers I’d ever eaten. Because they’d come from him. With love.
As soon as Anniston finished her meal and we were both dressed, I was eager to get out of my room. With my new resolution to let my heart open for him, I felt good. I started up toward the East Salon for sunlight, cheer, and hopefully a good view of the training soldiers below, only for a harried servant to intercept me.
“My lady, the king wishes to see you in the Throne Room at once.”
Shocked by such a summons and instantly worried, I hurried down with Anniston still in my arms. When the guards at the entrance saw me approaching, they waved me inside immediately, making my heart leap with fear. Was everyone okay? Had the bearer of dark magic finally struck?
“Vienne!” Caulder cried in relief as soon as I crossed the threshold. “Thank God. Just the person I need.”
“What’s going on?” I asked, glancing around for a sign of what had happened. But only the king and his guards, dignitaries, and servants were present.
“It’s that man of yours,” he started, sighing with aggravation and running a hand through his tousled hair. “He needs to be controlled.”
I blinked and frowned. “Soren?”
He huffed and rolled his eyes. “No. The other one. The one bonded to you through that ridiculous mark.” When I continued to squint at him in confusion, he threw up his hands. “Urban! I’m speaking of Prince Urban.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, trying not to show how much more worried I grew, knowing the issue was with Urban, not Soren. “What’s wrong with him?”
