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“I didn’t want to,” I whispered again and thumped the back of my head against the tree behind me. Then I looked up at the branches and leaves above, and I felt my heart crack. “I wanted to keep you with me. That’s the real reason I could never return you home.”
Nicolette didn’t immediately answer, so I reluctantly drew my gaze back to her.
The Colt began to tremble in her grip as she shook her head. “But why keep me?”
I cracked out a hard, dry laugh. “Why do you think, my lady? Here you were, suddenly in my life, a beautiful young woman—a princess, no less—claiming you loved me, looking at me like I was something special, something worthwhile, showing me your adoration with everything you did, and promising to never leave me. Why would I ever want to take you back to them? You saw my dreams. You know what my life has been like. No one ever treated me as well as you did. I wasn’t ready to let that go.”
Nicolette’s features contorted with agony. Her shaking increased. She stopped hiding her pain with anger and let the heartbreak free as she sobbed, “But how will I ever be able to believe anything you say again? You had so many chances to be honest with me, yet you chose to lie. Every time.”
I could tell from her expression, she wanted an actual answer, but what could I say to make this right? I had repeatedly betrayed her trust in the most personal and intimate of ways.
“I couldn’t risk it,” was all I could think to whisper.
Her face crumpled with upset confusion before she rasped, “Risk what?”
“Risk receiving the look you’re giving me right now,” I admitted. “At first, I didn’t know you. I still thought I might be kidnapping you. I didn’t care about you. But then later, I—I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to lose you, and my truth was horrible. I knew you’d eventually see me just the way you are right now. You’d understand the real me and be filled with horror. I knew you’d leave.”
Pocketing th
e Colt in her dress, Nicolette finally rose from where she’d been sitting. My breath caught at the magnificent view she made. Pain and devastation coated her like a thick layer of grime, yet she held her bearings, regal and erect.
This wouldn’t destroy her.
A sense of pride filled me. Even through heartbreak and ruin, she stood firm. Resolute. And yet that very thing is what broke me the most. She had no need for me. She’d leave now.
I was going to lose her.
Holding my breath as she approached, I looked up at her from where I sat against the tree, hoping she’d either forgive me for all my sins, unchain me from the tree, and promise to stay, or she’d just shoot me straight through the heart and put me out of my misery.
“I saw how you were raised,” she said quietly, her gaze swirling between sympathy, pain, and anger.
I swallowed through a short nod. “Yes,” I said. She’d seen everything.
“I saw the terrible way you were treated, the terrible, unfair choices you were given. And I can’t in good conscience blame you for setting out to…” Pausing through a wince, she took a moment before continuing, “What you planned to do to me was horrific, but not your idea. It was against your will, and it was for a worthy cause to assist your sister. I can respect that.”
“Nicolette,” I tried.
My voice only made her wince, however. She shook her head against my attempts to speak. So I fell mute.
“But just two days ago,” she went on, through clenched teeth. “Only two days ago, I swore to you that nothing you ever told me would scare me away. I swore to you I wouldn’t hate you. And you didn’t believe me.”
“I…” My own eyes grew wet. “Nicolette. I’m sorry. I—”
“You have no faith in me. In us. In anything. After everything we’ve been through together, you still couldn’t show me the real you, even when I begged you to. And you continued to lie. It’s so deeply ingrained in your blood to hide your true self that I’m not sure you’ll ever be able to open up to me, to trust me, as I did you. And if you can never trust me like that, then how can I ever trust you? You frankly label my promises as worthless when you refuse to believe me when I say I’ll do anything for you. And if you can’t respect even that, then you’re not yet the type of mate I need.”
She was right. I could never be the man she deserved.
I wilted, not sure what to say. So I rasped, “Princess…”
“You shut me out of everything you are, and I would’ve helped you with your sister. I would’ve done anything for you. Oh God.” She pressed her hands to her face and more tears filled her eyes. “I was such a stupid fool. What a laugh you must’ve had behind my back for how gullible and trusting I was.”
“No,” I swore vehemently. “Nicolette. Never. I—”
“I was so willing to believe anything and everything you told me. You were my true love. Why would you lie?” Moaning, she shook her head and wept more strongly into her fingers. “I’m nothing but a rash, naïve idiot. I don’t deserve—”
“Stop,” I choked out, wishing she’d hate me instead of blaming anything on herself. “You—you are not an idiot. You’re the best person I know. You—”
“I need some time to myself,” she announced suddenly, cutting into my words as she straightened to scowl at me. “I’m going home now.”
