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Face paper white, Nicolette nodded. “Oh yes,” she countered and took a moment as her breath wobbled unsteadily. “I saw everything.”
“Nic—” I started, my mind already trying to find a way to salvage this, to keep the truth from her.
But then her lips trembled as if she might fall apart, and I cringed. I wouldn’t be able to handle watching her weep.
“I died yesterday in that river,” she said. “Didn’t I?”
I couldn’t lie. Not right then. So I whispered, “Yes.”
“And you let me think it had been a mere scratch. You lied.” She shook her head, looking momentarily lost and alone as if she’d been abandoned. “So many lies.” She closed her eyes and sucked in a harsh rasp before squaring her shoulders. When they opened again, she turned my way, and I saw her devastation. Her pain. Her distrust.
I’d done that to her. I’d broken everything bright and innocent and beautiful about her. All her willingness to believe in the good in people, gone.
“And the dreams?” she whispered. “They were all the truth, weren’t they? Factual memories, not just engineered scenarios you drew up from your imagination? You set out on this journey to capture and kidnap me for your king? Your father. So he could rape and mutilate me and then sell me back to my brother as nothing but a ruined shell? All because he threatened your sister?”
I wanted to look away from the condemnation in her gaze. I wanted to deny it all. But I couldn’t. She deserved the truth, and the full intensity of my shame.
So, I repeated the dreaded word, “Yes.”
“Oh God.” Her eyes filled with tears, and a sob seized her so strongly she had to hold on to herself to keep from rattling apart.
“Nic.” Desperation bubbled up my throat, and I found myself blurting, “I wasn’t going to do it, though. I wasn’t going to take you to him.”
She held up a trembling hand to stop me. But I couldn’t let her think I would ever do something so horrible to her. “At first, yes,” I admitted, gritting my teeth and cringing at my own admission. Then I plowed on. “Before I knew you, I thought to kidnap you. I—I just couldn’t conceive of any other choice. Sable’s life depended on it. But barely a day in your company, I realized I couldn’t. I could never do that to any woman, let alone you.”
“So…” She shook her head and furrowed her brow. “You—what—decided to let your sister die instead?”
“No!” I shouted. At her frown, I blew out a calming breath, and explained, “It took me a while into the journey to formulate a plan. But I do have one now. I’m going to sneak into the dungeon and break her out instead.”
“Then…” Her eyes squinted. “You’re going to betray your father?” I could see the doubt brewing. She’d never looked at me with so much wary distrust before. “You plan to betray the one man you’ve been trying to please and gain acceptance from your entire life?”
My chin trembled. I lowered my face. “He’s not much of a father, though, is he?” I mumbled, ashamed that I’d been so determined to seek his favor in the first place. Glancing up, I admitted, “It’s long past time for me to give up on that dream. So yes, I’m going to betray him.”
Because I was the Bastard Betrayer. Apparently, that’s what I did.
Nicolette lifted her chin to let me know she was listening, not necessarily believing, but at least listening to my explanation. And considering it.
“And you need me to help you with this plan?” she wondered, her forehead wrinkling with confusion.
“What?” I shook my head immediately. “No. I don’t want you anywhere near the castle when I attempt to free Sable. I don’t want you placed in that kind of danger at all.”
“Then why didn’t you return me home when you supposedly realized you couldn’t use me in your father’s sick games?”
“I—I didn’t have the time,” I said. “Doubling back would take too long. With each passing day, Sable suffers more in that dungeon. I need to get back to Blayton. As soon as she’s free, I can return you—”
“No. Stop!” Nicolette surged to her feet and lifted her Colt, pointing it at my head, her teeth flashing and eyes narrowing. “Stop lying to me! For once in your life, just be honest with me.”
“I am,” I insisted. “I do intend to take you home, if—if that’s what you really want.” I swallowed down a painful knot, hoping that wasn’t what she wanted after all. “But first, I need to get back to Sable—”
“Then there’s more,” she accused with steely determination. “Something else you’re not saying. You’re a master at avoiding the truth. Omitting things. Manipulating. So what aren’t you saying? Tell me. Why didn’t you return me home?”
“Because—”
“And if you lie again, I will shoot you through the heart, I swear it.”
“Because I didn’t want to,” I shouted, stunning her silent with the sudden heat and intensity behind my words.
The Colt half lowered uncertainly in her hand. I snarled at her for forcing me to reveal what I hadn’t even been able to admit to myself.
