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I opened my mouth to remind her I’d been the instigator of said heckling, but Allera tipped her nose up regally and answered for me. “Because I’m the queen, and it amuses me to tease. Plus, you love me.”
I chuckled, shaking my head, and realized this was honestly the best life I could probably ever live. I cherished my family. I cherished how I was treated. I cherished my privileges.
So why was I filled with such yearning, wishing I had someone to share it all with, as Allera and Vienne did, or maybe my own child to cradle right now?
It was pure selfishness.
When my laughter faded before it probably should have, I glanced toward Vienne’s other two younglings, who were still over by Indigo at the fireplace, begging him to pick them up and dangle them upside down as he too often did.
I would probably never have children of my own.
I’d met my true love, and now he was gone. Knowing he had no doubt returned to his homeland in Far Shore—our sworn enemy—I realized I never would see him again either, just as something inside me whispered that I’d wait for him, anyway.
I knew nothing about him—if he was a good man or bad, pleasant or brutish, honest or corrupt, serious or impish—and yet I was counting on him to return someday to make my life finally feel complete.
How pathetic was that?
It all made me wish I’d never been so reckless as to get this stupid love mark tattooed to my face to begin with. I finally understood why Caulder had been so upset after I’d run out in secret and gotten one. They were powerful, dangerous magic. Once they tied you to another person, you never felt like your own again.
Just because Allera, Vienne, Urban, and Brentley seemed utterly pleased with their love marks—because they’d ended up with their true loves—didn’t mean they were all that amazing. I couldn’t see the benefit in mine at all.
It had helped me discover who my match was, sure. But that was it. It didn’t help you keep that person in your life. It didn’t make you happy. It didn’t ease you at all. In fact, since meeting him, I’d been downright miserable.
I had tried to complain about it to Indigo once, certain at least he would understand, since he had a mark as well and no true love to show for it. I swore, his mark kept him from finding a woman in Donnelly and settling down with her. He could’ve been perfectly happy by now with a litter of children—since he seemed fond of them, and women too—but he held off because his mark hadn’t felt connected to anyone else.
It was all hogwash, if you asked me. All the marks did was tie you down and prevent you from being who you could truly be.
And still, my idiot bodyguard had argued with me, saying it was just the opposite. Once you found the right person for you—your true partner—that was when you could finally become your full potential. No one got through life on their own, he’d insisted. We all needed others at some point. Well, the mark was supposed to help direct us toward the one person out there who could complement us better than anyone else ever could, that person we felt free and open enough to be our true selves with. The person we could connect and communicate with like none other.
Then why did it make me feel so damn miserable and alone, I wanted to cry. I knew who was supposed to make me happy, release my inhibitions, and unlock all my possibilities, and yet it hurt just to think about him.
Indigo had to be wrong; that’s all there was to it.
I sent my bodyguard a scowl from across the room, where he’d stationed himself against the back wall along with a horde of other guards, as Urban collected his children to usher them to the royal table for supper. It eluded me as to why Indigo still had so much faith in his mark when it’d never served him any good purpose either.
As if sensing my glower, Indigo glanced my way and winked.
I rolled my eyes and turned back to Allera and Vienne, only to find them watching me with a bit too much interest.
They each glanced toward Indigo and then back to me with knowing little smirks.
Vienne was the first to comment. “It’s so nice to see how close you and my cousin have grown over the years.”
Allera nodded, her gaze alight with gossip. “Is he, by chance, the reason you elected not to attend the festival today?”
I furrowed my brow, confused. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…” The queen widened her eyes dramatically. “Are you and your bodyguard, you know…” Stepping intimately closer, she hushed her voice. “Having a liaison?”
I blinked at her, still not catching on at first. But then she added, “Not that I’d blame you or even di
scourage the match, if you were. He’s quite attractive and personable. I enthusiastically approve. In fact, I—”
“Oh my God,” I hissed. “You think I’m sleeping with Indigo? Seriously?”
Allera and Vienne traded winces before Vienne answered, “We’re just saying—”
“No, you’re meddling where you don’t belong. I already have a true love,” I stated emphatically. “One I’ve met and felt connected to. You know this. So you should know I would never—could never—no. Just no. It’s insulting to even hear such a suggestion.”
