AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He hadn’t wanted to watch TV in the last few days, all the noise and action and lights gave him a headache. So I had started reading to him to keep him company.
And as I sat, opening the book on my lap, he slowly turned his head to look at me from bleary, bloodshot eyes. “Now I know I’m dying,” he announced, his parched lips cracking as he offered me a tired smile. “You didn’t argue with me about the food.”
He made a valid point. For the last seven years since he’d been diagnosed, I’d argued and pushed, forcing him to try every available treatment and take care of himself. And the fact that I hadn’t even made a comment when he’d turned down the meal told both of us just how fucking scared I was.
But he’d gone downhill so fast. One day, he’d been his normal, annoying self, with a slight cough. And now he was...this.
He’d had numerous ups and downs over the years, being bedridden and popping back as if nothing had happened. But this… This terrified me more than I’d ever been terrified. Something was missing from his eyes whenever he looked at me. It was like he’d already stopped living.
Hands trembling, I slowly closed the book and kept my palms pressed hard against both covers as I simply looked at him, trying to will him to recover with my begging stare alone.
He shifted his head slightly, his version of a nod, and then he said, “I think I’m ready to get real now,” before pausing to cough and catch his breath.
But I shook my head and lifted a hand, my chin trembling and eyes watering. “No. Duke, it’s fine. You don’t—”
He spoke over me, his cancer-ridden vocal cords making his voice rough and guttural. “I’m sorry,” he said.
“What?!” With incredulous outrage, I sniffed. “Alright, just don’t, okay? You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. Jesus, Duke, you have no control over this. I have no control over it. It... It just...is.”
Dammit. I knew my voice would break if I kept trying to talk, so I stopped.
Which gave my wheezing brother time to answer. “I was an ass to you. All these years you took care of me, and I rebelled at every turn.”
I started to shake my head again as he paused to cough. “You’re the younger brother,” I excused. “That’s your job.”
I didn’t care how hard he’d made my life; this was not something I’d forgive him for because there wasn’t a fucking thing to forgive.
“And I’m sorry about Lucy,” he added once he could talk again.
I blinked, then furrowed my brow. “Lucy?”
Neither of us had said a word about her since the morning she’d left this very room and never returned. I had stared after her, watching her leave, then turned back to Duke and ordered him to get his ass ready for his appointment.
Why the hell was he bringing her up now?
Duke’s eyes filled with pain as he confessed, “I slept with her on purpose.”
I snorted, muttering, “Obviously. I’m not sure how you could’ve lured her back to our place and had sex with her by accident.”
“No.” He closed his eyes briefly, then tried again. “I chose her on purpose because I knew you liked her.”
“What? No. I don’t—” Pausing because I needed a moment to calm myself, I pressed my lips together and watched Duke fight his shortness of breath.
Then I answered, “I don’t even know that woman. How could I like her?”
Yes, I’d enjoyed watching her eat her lunch one day outside Beriss. I’d been interested and attracted, and okay, it had rubbed me wrong when I’d seen her come out of Duke’s bedroom that morning, but then I’d moved on and frankly forgotten about it.
“I think you would, though,” Duke answered, through a cough. “If you knew her, you’d like her. She’s actually really nice. Too nice for my taste. But not yours.”
I sighed and rubbed my forehead violently. “It doesn’t matter,” I assured. “If the two of you clicked and—”
“No,” he cut in. “No!” When he used more energy and vehemence than I’d seen him have in days, I stopped trying to argue to let him have his say. And after catching his breath again, he told me, “That’s the thing. We didn’t click. We never clicked. I fucked her to hurt you. On purpose.”
“What?” I hissed incredulously, shaking my head. Then I blinked, trying to make sense of his words in my brain because they sounded insane. Finally, I just asked, “Why?”
“Because I wanted you mad,” he told me, his gaze full of agony. “I wanted you to hate me. That way…” When another coughing fit hit, he tried to talk through it. “That way… That way, you wouldn’t be so sad and miss me after I’m gone.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” I sighed and rubbed at my forehead. “Really?”
