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“Nothing,” I croaked, finally looking up at her. The fear on her face broke me. I had to pull it together, to reassure her, but I just fell apart more. “You’re fine,” I tried to say anyway, my voice barely audible as it trembled on the edge of sanity. “You don’t need to do anything. You’re—”
“But—”
I reached for her hand. “I’m sorry. I’m bungling this. I know I’m bungling this. You look worried, like you did something wrong, but you didn’t.” I lifted my brows and looked her straight in the eyes. “I swear to God, you did nothing wrong.”
“Trust me, I did plenty wrong,” she muttered, rolling her eyes in a self-deprecating manner right before her lashes filled with tears. “God, I’m so sorry, Vaughn.”
Dammit, now I was making her cry.
“No,” I ordered, pulling her in for a hug and kissing her brow. “No apologies. You’re good, I swear.”
“But you—this… The date...” She sniffed through her tears and hugged me back, resting her head on my shoulder. “I had no idea what day it was.”
“I know.” I smoothed a hand down her back and felt her bra through the cloth of the shirt. It reminded me of how she’d put it back on last night to keep from leaking.
Which further reminded me she was a breastfeeding mother, which for some reason made another issue pop into my head.
“Aah, fuck.” I pulled back, wincing and clutching my head, losing my shit all over again. “We… We didn’t use anything last night. Or this morning. Oh my
God...”
What if I’d gotten her pregnant? Just as my brother had a year ago today?
“Oh!” She seemed surprised by my worries but not at all concerned. Waving the issue aside, she assured, “It’s okay. Don’t worry. I got an IUD put in after Ava was born.”
“You what?” When I blinked at her, with no idea what she was talking about, she explained, “It’s a tiny device inserted up there that keeps you from getting pregnant for about five years or so.”
“Oh.”
As I nodded over that, grateful to hear we were safe from an unplanned pregnancy, she went on. “And we’re safe on the STD front, since it’s been even longer for you than it’s been for me, and my last time was with...”
When her words went quiet, and she paled, I sighed. “With Duke,” I quietly finished for her. “Exactly a year ago today.”
Dammit, we were back to that again.
I wiped a hand over my face and admitted, “I still should’ve thought of protection last night.”
“Or I could’ve mentioned it,” she told me, trying to take on some of my guilt.
“I cannot believe this,” I insisted, gripping my head and growing disappointed in myself. “Gah, I was so pissed at Duke when I learned he’d gotten you pregnant. It completely blew my mind that he could just forget something important like birth control and protection. Hell...” Huffing out a hard breath, I shook my head and looked at her. When my body stirred, remembering exactly how it felt to be inside her, I clenched my teeth. “But now I understand.”
All thought had fled my head when Lucy had been naked and crying out under me. It must’ve been the same for Duke.
Oh Jesus, I was going to be sick.
Releasing a pained sound, I buried my face in my hands and tried not to picture her straining and panting as she opened for him the same way she’d bloomed for me.
God...dammit.
“Vaughn? Are you okay?”
I don’t know why she kept asking me that. Clearly, I was not okay, but I didn’t want to say that to her. Except I couldn’t lie, not to Lucy, so I ended up mumbling, “No.” My voice shook as I ground the palms of my hands into my eye sockets. “I feel like I’m coming apart at the seams. I just keep wondering what you and he…”
But I shouldn’t tell her that either, so I shook my head and moaned, gnashing my teeth some more and feeling them creak from the strain. “And I can’t seem to scrub those awful thoughts from my head, no matter how hard I try. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
Lucy sniffed, and I opened my eyes to discover she looked completely wrecked. “I… I’m sorry. My God. I swear, I never meant to put you through this, Vaughn.”
“Lucy, no.” Despising myself for upsetting her, I stepped forward to touch her elbow. “Don’t—”
