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I mopped her face dry with a burp cloth and tried to guide her back to feeding. “I’ll get the hang of this soon, I swear,” I said as we both fumbled before she finally latched on again. “It’ll be okay.”
Ava almost immediately settled down, but I still felt rattled. I had a child to raise on my own, and I had no idea what the hell I was doing.
This poor kid deserved better.
But I tried to do everything for her that I could, anyway. And for the rest of the day, it felt as if I failed time and time again.
After she finished eating and fell asleep in my arms, I dozed in the rocking chair with her until I could feel my grip on her slip in my sleep. I jerked awake, which woke her and started a crying spell.
Then I finally had her down for a nap again when my cousin Haven called to check in, and stupid me, I’d left my phone in the nursery right next to the crib. By the time I hurried down the hall to answer, Ava had woken again, screaming.
And she pooped while I was in the middle of changing a wet diaper, so clean-up for that was a massive task. Ava cried through the whole process, kicking her legs angrily as she demanded to be held.
As evening rolled around, I was so exhausted I couldn’t even think straight. And my daughter was wide awake. The spoiled thing would cry whenever I laid her down, and she got so cranky that she wouldn’t even let me sit in the rocking chair with her. As a result, I had to pace the floor for nearly an hour until she passed out.
I was so frustrated and exhausted by it all that I nearly called my parents for help a dozen times. They’d come if I asked them to. I knew they would. But this was my child, not theirs. I was going to be her sole guardian for the rest of her childhood. So we were going to have to figure out how to get through this together—just the two of us—one way or another.
And somehow, we made it through the night.
The next morning, I’d just finished my breakfast of Captain Crunch cereal, proud of myself for managing even that big of a feat without falling asleep at the table, when my doorbell rang. Setting the spoon down, I pushed from my chair and left my personal budget on the table where I’d been working on it to see who was visiting.
On my front step, Beau lifted a black duffle bag as soon as I opened the door.
“Bentley finally found her old breast pump if you still want it,” he offered with all the enthusiasm of a man who’d just been sent on a honey-do errand he did not want to complete.
“Oh,” I said in surprise and opened the door, stepping aside to let him in. “Cool. Thank you. It’ll probably be a couple of months before I return to work, but I will definitely need it then.”
“Great,” he answered dryly, glancing around the front room before he tossed the bag onto the couch. “Where is the rug rat, anyway? You lose her already?”
“She’s sleeping,” I muttered, sending him a dirty look for his crack.
“Hmm.” He seemed utterly disinterested in the state of his niece as he backed toward the door. “Well, I’ll be off then…” Pausing, he glanced my way and lifted an eyebrow. “Unless there was anything you needed from me.”
I began to shake my head, only for an idea to hit me. “Ooh.” Snapping my finge
rs, I grinned at him. “Actually... While you’re here, could you stick around for a few minutes so I can run to the corner store real quick?”
I’d gotten dressed for the day and was waiting for Ava to wake up before we trekked down there together, a trip I was frankly dreading. But with my brother here, maybe I wouldn’t have to pack half the house in order to take my baby with me.
Except he paused, looking suddenly like a cornered animal before he said, “Why?”
“Uh…” I blinked at his unwillingness to help me out after he’d just asked if I needed anything. “Why?” I repeated. “Because I need to get something. Obviously.” When he kept gaping at me as if I’d asked him to donate a kidney instead, I sighed. “I’ll only be gone a little bit. Ten...fifteen minutes tops. And Ava’s asleep so—”
“So why can’t I just go pick up whatever you need for you?”
That caused me to snort. “Really? You want to buy me a jumbo pack of super-absorbent maxi pads? Wow, you’d be the brother of the year.” When his scowl only grew, I ground my teeth. “Come on, Beau. I know you won’t do that. Bentley says she doesn’t even make you pick that shit up for her. And I’m down to my last pad.”
When he gnashed his teeth and groaned over his decisions, I tried to sweeten the pot. “I’ll let you eat from my box of Captain Crunch if you want.” I motioned into the kitchen at the box that was still sitting next to my empty bowl of cereal. Food had always been a big motivator for him.
But his eyes didn’t brighten with their usual interest. “Dammit,” he muttered instead and scrubbed a hand through his hair before irritably motioning in my direction. “How could you run out of pads at a time like this?”
“Oh, gee,” I grumbled sarcastically. “I’m so sorry it slipped my mind, what with giving birth and trying to figure out how to take care of an entire human being by myself after nine months of not having a period. Wow. What is your problem anyway? Do you not like my baby? You’re acting as if you’ve never watched an infant before. And you have a seven-year-old. Besides, Ava probably won’t even wake up before I get back.”
“Okay! God. Fine.” He huffed out an aggravated sound and motioned at me impatiently. “Just hurry. I have somewhere to be.”
My mouth fell open as I gaped incredulously at him. But seriously, if he was going to be that big of an ass about it, I’d just take Ava with me when she woke up. “You know what…” I lifted my hands and shook my head. “Never mind. I didn’t realize it would be that much of an inconvenience for you. I can handle this myself and—”
“Just go,” he snarled, refusing to look at me.
