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Tears filled his eyes but didn’t fall. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
There was something so familiar about that lost, defeated look in his eyes, something I felt every day.
He was in mourning.
“Who did you lose?” I found myself asking.
Beau shot me a startled glance. “How did you…?” He shook his head and frowned as if confused.
“Sorry,” I gushed, figuring that I had overstepped my bounds. “I didn’t mean to—”
“My kid,” he told me, only to pause and clear his throat before wiping his eyes. “I lost a child. My wife—Bentley—she had a miscarriage about the same time Lucy found out she was pregnant. We knew from the beginning that it probably wasn’t going to make it, and everyone was so focused on Luce because she needed support, you know, that we decided to just…”
When his voice broke, he shook his head and made his first cautious step toward me and Ava. “We didn’t want to add any more to the family plate, so we just kind of didn’t tell anyone about it, you know. And I thought I’d gotten over it. Bentley seems to have gotten over it.”
I remained still as he cautiously approached, his wary attention focused on Ava Grace. “But then Ava here was born, and Bentley was so anxious to go see her. We dropped Braiden—our seven-year-old—off at school and went straight to the hospital. I didn’t think anything of it until we hit Lucy’s room, and then I… I couldn’t breathe. I started to feel a cold sweat film my entire body and this pressure on my chest.
I thought I was going to pass out. I could barely even look in the baby’s direction. When I realized I was okay if I just kind of steered clear of the same side of the room she was on, I kept to that plan, and no one seemed to notice. But I’ve been having this nightmare ever since. I keep hearing this baby crying, and everyone thinks it’s Lucy’s, so they all go down the hall to Ava’s room to check on her. But I know… I know it’s the baby we lost, and I start running in the other direction, searching everywhere, except the longer I run, the farther away its crying grows. And I wake up every time, gasping for air.”
Setting a calming hand against his chest, Beau finally paused before us and looked down at Ava, then he shuddered out a long breath and gave her a sad smile. “She’s beautiful.”
I’m not sure why I felt proud of that announcement. I had nothing to do with how she looked. But I did agree with him. Duke and Lucy had made a very beautiful child.
When I silently held her out, offering her to him, he glanced up, then nodded once and took the baby.
His smile grew a little bigger once the infant was in his arms. Then he watched her for a couple of seconds before he lifted his face and shook his head. “I have no idea why I told you all that. I haven’t even told Bentley about my nightmares.”
I shrugged. “I never told my brother how scared I was for him whenever we had to wait on test results. I was convinced I had to look strong and capable so he’d know he could lean on me whenever he needed to. You were probably trying to appear the same way with your wife.”
“Yeah.” Beau nodded and blew out a breath. “Yeah, that sounds about right.” He looked down and bounced Ava in his arms before wrinkling his nose and saying, “Damn, she really does smell like piss, though.”
I grinned and offered, “I’ll change her.”
Beau lifted an eyebrow, letting me know that was an odd thing to volunteer for, but then he shrugged and gave her back to me. “If you insist, I’m definitely not going to argue.”
Remembering the instructions Noel had given me the day before, I carried Ava to the changing table and got started with the process.
Lucy’s brother followed us to watch, hands in his pockets. But instead of giving any pointers or critiques, he said, “Hey, could you not mention the miscarriage thing to Lucy? Or anyone for that matter. We don’t want to drag down the arrival of this little stinker with anything depressing.”
“It wouldn’t be dragging anything down,” Lucy said from behind us.
Beau and I whirled around to find her standing in the doorway, both hands covering her heart, and her eyes huge with concern.
“Lucy,” her brother gasped.
She shook her head. “Oh, Beau. You big, stupid idiot.” Hurrying forward, she opened her arms and jerked him into a hug. “Don’t ever think you have to hide any kind of heartbreak from me for any reason. Ava or not, I would’ve wanted to be there for you guys.”
Beau sighed as he hugged her back. “We didn’t want to scare you, either,” he explained. “Just because our baby didn’t make it didn’t mean yours wouldn’t.”
Rolling her eyes, she pulled back to mutter, “You didn’t have to worry about me so much. I’m not that fragile, you know.” She slugged him lightly on the arm as if to prove her durability.
Beau grumbled indecipherable words and bowed his head slightly, even as he kept eye contact. “I know. We just…” He hissed out a deflated breath and sent her an apologetic wince. “Sorry.”
“Oh, geez,” she muttered, rolling her eyes and reaching for him again. “Come here.”
This time, she hugged him harder, and he rested his head on her shoulder as he hugged her back. When he sniffed, she pulled away and wiped at the wetness slipping down his cheek. He followed it up by wiping the other side.
As they gave each other awkward smiles, I turned away to give them a bit more privacy. And to change a wet diaper.
