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In my ear, my mother carried on cheerfully. “I feel so much better knowing and trusting who’s going to live there. This all just worked out so well.”
I scowled and then winced when I heard Ava from the baby monitor I had attached to my waist as she woke from her nap. From there, I had to hurry inside and leave the men to continue what they were doing.
But I wasn’t done with this. Stewing as I changed and fed my daughter, I schemed all the ways I could prevent this from happening, even as the deepest part of my brain was kind of excited about the idea.
I mean, I couldn’t admit it to anyone else, but I felt better knowing who my renter would be too. Plus, even if Beau had coerced him into agreeing, Vaughn had still ultimately agreed. That must mean he wasn’t totally against the idea of seeing me again since he was prepared to rent a room from me. I was beyond relieved to think my kiss hadn’t scared him off for good.
But most pressing of all, after weeks of getting to know him and having him show up or text nearly every day, I’d kind of started to miss all the friendship and attention he’d given me. Sure, I knew it was for Ava’s benefit, but I had liked his help—and his smile—and just his overall presence in my life. It made me unreasonably giddy to know he was returning.
I couldn’t let anyone else know that, however. This couldn’t be what was best for Vaughn. Ergo, I needed to come up with a way to stop it.
It didn’t occur to me until later that evening, after truckloads of Vaughn’s things had been unloaded into my garage, that I could simply pack Ava Grace up and just go over there myself with her.
Feeling a bit embarrassed for not thinking up the idea earlier, I strapped my baby into her car seat, packed the backseat full of baby things, and left, intent on preventing a major mistake from happening.
21
VAUGHN
By midafternoon, my home was overrun. People with boxes and packing supplies just kept flooding through my front door, asking what they needed to do.
Beau usually intercepted them and dispensed the instructions.
I swear, I hadn’t personally packed a single box all day, either, because Beau had shoved a pad of sticky notes at me, saying, “Put one of these on everything you want to go to the garage with you. We’ll make sure the rest is boxed away and taken to storage.”
I shook my head, feeling a little lost and helpless. “But I don’t own a storage unit.”
He pointed, merely answering, “Already on it,” before spotting someone new who arrived that he obviously knew, and he hurried off again to greet them and give them a job. So I started wandering around, putting yellow tabs of paper on the most important things I wanted to come with me.
Everywhere I turned, I bumped into a new stranger who apologized for getting into my way and then introduced themselves.
I didn’t remember a single one of their names.
It felt as if I’d fallen into a river and was being swept down the current on a path I had no control over. But I had agreed to this, and honestly, it felt a little nice not to have to do everything myself.
Maybe I hadn’t so much fallen into the water but rather actually landed in a boat on the stream. Because the ride was a little exhilarating, to be honest. I realized I might not want control at the moment. I wanted someone to simply direct me where to go and what to do, and I didn’t have to think or worry or stress about the outcome.
I was going to help Lucy, and I was going to start over fresh by doing it. That was all that mattered.
“Hey, Uncle,” someone called. “Have you marked this room yet? I don’t see any Post-it Notes in here.”
Realizing the guy whose name I couldn’t even begin to remember must be talking to me, I said, “Uh…” And I turned to find that the stranger was motioning into Duke’s room.
My lips parted, and I could literally feel the color drain from my face.
Before I could formulate an answer, another passerby paused to smack the questioner on the back of the head. “That’s his brother’s room, numb nuts.”
“Oh, shit, sorry.” The first man flushed and waved his apology to me before saying, “Boxing it all for storage; got it.”
Then he disappeared into the room with an armful of empty boxes.
I just stood there, gaping at the place where he’d been, my heart beating like wild.
For some reason, it felt like I was cheating to let someone else go in there and do what I thought I should have done all along. I’d been responsible for everything-Duke for the last decade; I should’ve been the one to box his possessions, right? But, dammit, I had to admit it felt so fucking good to relinquish this one duty to someone else.
Guilty relief poured through my veins.
Someday, I knew I’d want to go through his things and remember Duke through his possessions, but it didn’t have to be until I was ready. And with his stuff safely tucked away in storage, I could always go back later and pick around however I pleased.
