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The rest of the meal was full of more stories and more laughter. We were all finished eating and full of steak and snickerdoodles when Ava started to get upset.
Lucy took her inside to feed her, and the other two helped me gather up everything and carry it in. Before they left, Gray clasped my shoulder and looked at me seriously. “We were all worried about Lucy when she turned up pregnant with no one to help her with her baby, but I gotta say, you more than exceeded the kind of support I was hoping she’d get.” He patted my shoulder and sighed as if refreshed. “You’re good for those two.”
I didn’t answer, but if I had, I probably would’ve said something along the lines of Ava and Lucy being good for me. She’d saved my life that day she had showed up on my doorstep and given me a reason to keep going and a family I could still hold on to. I had no idea I’d end up with way more of an extended family than I was expecting, but I was grateful for every single one of them as well.
I owed everything to Lucy. I was glad I hadn’t ended my life that day, after all.
Now, if only I could stop wanting to fuck her so badly, things would be perfect.
Sighing, I started on the dishes after Gracen and Yellow left for the evening. I was just finishing them up when Lucy wandered into the kitchen.
“Aah, man. I have such rotten timing,” she said, then grinned. “Or maybe the best timing in the world. I was going to help with those.”
She laughed at her own joke, but I was feeling a little too affected to join in. Softly, I said, “Come here.” And I held out a single hand toward her.
Perking with interest and curiosity, she sent me a questioning smile and stepped forward, taking my hand. “What’s going on?”
“Just this.” Tightening my grip on her fingers, I pulled her in and hugged her. “Thank you,” I said into her ear. “I didn’t realize how much I was starving for an evening just like this one until tonight.”
“Oh!” Voice full of surprise, she hugged me back stronger and stroked my arm. “Well, with as much family as you have now, you can probably hang out with a different couple each night if you like.”
I smiled and stepped out of the hug. “They’re not really my family.”
She blinked and tilted her head. “Yes, they are. They’re Ava’s family, so that means they’re your family now too.”
That sick pitch in my stomach, telling me I couldn’t abandon my biological family and just take up with a new one returned, even though I desperately wanted to belong to them.
I started to shake my head, but Lucy caught my face between her hands, stilling the action as she looked into my eyes. “Yes, they are,” she promised. “No matter what happens between you and me, they’ll still be there for you. Always. Alright?”
I wrapped my hands around her wrists as she continued to hold my face and I peered back into her blue, blue eyes as I furrowed my brow in confusion. “What do you mean, no matter what happens between us? Do you expect something bad to happen between us?”
“No.” She shook her head and pressed her brow to mine. “But sometimes things happen anyway.” I thought of Duke and swallowed thickly. Lucy smiled sadly. “So I wanted you to know you’re never going to be alone again. Okay?”
God, I loved this woman.
“Okay,” I whispered.
Closing my eyes, I ran my thumbs over the pulse points on her wrists, comforted by the feel of her heartbeat against my skin. “But how about we plan on staying friends no matter what, anyway.”
I opened my lashes just as that beautiful, breath-stealing smile of hers returned. “Alright,” she said. “Sounds good.”
I didn’t invite anyone else over the next night for supper the way Lucy told me I could. I woke up that morning with Duke’s words ringing through my head.
I do want you to miss me.
And I remained hollowed out through the rest of the day, wondering if I was doing him a disservice and not missing him enough by enjoying a meal with people, and hugging Lucy, and just...all of it. I knew he wanted me to be okay after he was gone, but if he’d seen just how fulfilled I’d been last night, would he have considered me too okay for his tastes?
The last thing I wanted to do was disrespect him by moving on and just abandoning his memory, and it left me feeling torn.
I was still cooped up in my garage when Saturday evening rolled around. I started the final season of Breaking Bad and was prepared to vegetate for hours when a knock sounded on my door. I peeked out the blinds in my window, only to catch my breath when I spotted Lucy.
Pausing the show, I took a couple of seconds to blow out a steadying breath and rub suddenly damp palms on the thighs of my jeans before I pulled the door open.
“Hey.” She was alone, no Ava in sight, and her smile was the overly bright version she usually had when she was nervous. “So… My parents just showed up and stole my baby, saying they’ve been instructed to watch her all night in order for me to attend Maverick and Cress’s party. And honestly, I don’t think anyone would let me in the door over there if you didn’t show up with me, which means…” She spread her arms wide and asked, “Do you want to go to a party?”
“Uh…” I blinked and glanced back into the garage at my television.
Duke’s face wavered through my mind, and I immediately felt guilty about wanting to say yes. But when I turned back and focused on Lucy, her big blue eyes looked so hopeful and expectant, I couldn’t disappoint her.
