AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He walked past me, his obvious goal being the front door.
That’s when I came unstuck.
“Canon, it’s not because of that. I mean, yes, that did happen, but he’s still in prison for what he did. I’m not taking it out on you, though.”
His eyes flared when I mentioned prison, but then his expression changed to disbelief. “Yeah, Jacinda, you are. You’ve refused to even go on a date with me or spend time with me of your own free will since we met. He still has control of you.”
I swiped at the corner of my mouth when something tickled it and was shocked when I felt the wetness there. I was crying and hadn’t even realized it.
“That might have been the case at the beginning, but then I saw who you really were, and that was it, Canon. He doesn’t have control of me anymore, and he’s not the reason I have to do this. I do have feelings for you, but I just can’t take this farther than last night.”
It felt like my heart was breaking into tiny specs of dust, but nothing felt worse than the look he gave me as he reached for the door.
“Bullshit. You’re so set on protecting yourself that—”
“I’m protecting you!” I screamed, unable to keep it from bursting out of my mouth as the tears came faster, rolling down my face. “I can’t have kids, and your mom is the ultimate grandma material. Look how happy she was about Jarrod and Bond’s news and imagine telling her she’ll never have that from you. How am I even meant to do that to you? Deprive you of having a family? I can’t do that. It’s not fair on you.”
Canon looked like I’d stabbed him in the gut as he absorbed what I was saying, but then he blew out a breath and scrubbed his face with his hands. Finally, he raised his head enough for him to make eye contact with me.
“That’s my choice to make, not yours.” He had a fair point on that. “I have the right to be with whomever I want, and that’s my choice to make.”
Again, fair point. To be honest, that wasn’t something I hadn’t considered, but having kids was essential to a lot of people. I’d gone through the pain when I’d found out the news, and I didn’t want him to go through that, too.
“Look,” I sighed, feeling so defeated I just wanted to curl up in a ball on my bed and cry. “I’ve felt how hard it is to accept the news and what it means for my future. I’d just assumed kids were in my future, and I took it for granted. Plenty of women have painful periods and issues with them, and I just thought I was one of them, too.”
Looking away from him, I added, “It hurts and turns your world upside down when you’re in that position. Isn’t it better for you not to be? For that ability and future not to be ripped away from you because of me?”
“Are you serious right now?” he clipped, putting his hands on his hips, and glaring at me. “Do you know how many couples decide willingly not to have kids? Do you know how many can’t have kids and still love each other?” Love? “Do you honestly think I’m the sort of guy who wouldn’t want to be with you purely because of that?”
I had no answers to those questions. None.
And now, I was seriously questioning my moral compass. Hell, I was seriously questioning what sort of person I was after that, and I’d never done that in my life.
“Know what? Forget it. Forget all of this.” He leaned down and picked up his keys from the side table. “You’re obviously right, and I’m wrong.”
As he stalked to the door, I finally found the ability to talk again. “Canon!”
Spinning around, he glared at me. “I have the right to be with who I want to be with, Jacinda. You’ve held me away from you with both hands up in the air for years, and I always thought time would help me prove who I am to you, but I was fucking wrong.”
“That’s not—” I didn’t get to finish what I was saying because he opened the door and walked out, closing it softly behind him.
For some reason, it was the softly that broke me. I didn’t even warrant an angry slam.
That thought made me very aware that I was going back to old tendencies. Once upon a time, I’d been used to and had expected anger from a man.
Canon not slamming the door woke me up from a stupor. He wasn’t that guy, and I’d been comparing him to a piece of shit without even meaning to. I’d expected him to treat me like my ex had all this time, and he hadn’t.
