AllFreeNovel
Share Us
20
TODD
The whir of the vending machine motor fills the silent hallway as my snack falls to the bottom. I put my hands on the glass, hanging my head down between my arms. My body is exhausted, my mind is a mess, and I don’t know where I’m supposed to go from here.
Months. It’s been months since the doctor gave us the news we never wanted to hear, and things have only gotten progressively worse.
Megan underwent the hysterectomy, then they upped her treatment plan in the hopes of blasting out the tumors left over. So far, all it’s done is make her even sicker. At this point, she’s asleep more than she’s awake. I can barely remember what her laugh sounds like or the happiness that used to constantly shine in her eyes. She’s no longer the socially outgoing, bigger-than-life person I used to know. And I’m angry.
So. Fucking. Angry.
At the world. At the doctors. At Megan.
And most importantly, at myself.
There’s isn’t a goddamn thing I can do to save the person I love most in this world. I can’t slay this monster like I did in all of the stories Megan made up. I can’t just kiss her awake and make everything better with my love. I’m useless.
Why is this happening to us? To her? She never did anything to deserve the agony this is putting her through. Every minute of her torment shreds me into tattered pieces of the man I once was.
I don’t know how to be the strength she needs or the steady rock of support I was when we had hope she’d get better.
She’s not getting better.
She’s dying.
And before I know it, she’ll be gone forever.
Like every other important person in my life, Megan is going to leave me. The difference this time is my heart is going to go with her. I don’t know how I’ll ever come back from that. How am I supposed to keep living when the person I want to live for will no longer be there? There is no life for me without her.
Taking a deep breath, I lean down to grab my food from the tray and head back to Meg’s room. She’s still napping. I hope she’ll wake up soon so I can talk with her. It’s been a few days since I’ve been able to say hello. I usually end up missing her lucid moments while I’m at school. Today is the first day of Christmas break, though, so I’m hoping the extra time will give me a chance to talk to her.
I quickly eat my snack then pick up the book I was reading before I stepped outside. It’s one of Meg’s favorites. I thought she’d enjoy listening to it even if she’s not fully awake while I read it.
It’s a romance novel, and while it’s not something I’d read on a regular basis, I can understand why people read them. Between the emotions shared, the story plot, and the sex scenes, it offers a lot of entertainment.
I’m almost to the couple’s first love scene, and being in a public place, I am not comfortable reading it out loud. I doubt the nurses would appreciate me saying the word cock out loud, either.
I skim over the dirty paragraphs, feeling a little like a perv as I read the surprising amount of detail. I have to clear my throat at the end of the scene, all of which I read in my head.
I pick back up reading to Megan once the dirty parts are over.
“You skipped the best part.”
My head whips up at the whispered words. A small smile pulls at Megan’s mouth.
“You want me to read you the dirty stuff?”
“They’re the fun parts.”
“I don’t know if I’m able to say all of these words out loud. It was hard enough reading it in my head. They’re really detailed.”
“I know. It’s what makes them good.” She smiles a great big, happy smile as her eyes flicker open. Her magnetism pulls me in. My forehead lands on hers as a sigh escapes through my nose. Being able to talk to her is the greatest gift I could have gotten today.
“I’ll scandalize the nurses, but if you want to hear me say cock and pussy out loud, I will.” A small laugh shakes her shoulders, and a genuine smile crosses my face for the first time in weeks.
“I love you,” she whispers. I have to swallow down the lump forming in my throat.
“I love you, too,” I tell her once I can form the words.
“Keep reading, Fabio. I want to hear the dirty words in your voice.”
And because I can’t say no to her, I read the scene over, saying all of the dirty words to her. A smile stays on her face as I read until her expression slowly relaxes, and she falls back asleep.
I set the book aside to stare at Megan. I never imagined something like this could happen. I was so scared I’d have my heart broken, I didn’t want to even take a chance on dating Meg. With Cooper’s help, I realized she’d take care of my heart like it was her own, and so far, she has. Unfortunately, the universe seems to be the one wanting to tear me to shreds.
I can’t fight against the universe. It’s too large, too powerful. And no matter how many times I beg, it’s going to do whatever it sees fit to do. I won’t be able to survive if it takes the one good thing in my life from me. Right now, it seems hell-bent on doing just that.
* * *
Natalie’sbooming laugh has the rest of the room laughing with her. She’s been the comedic relief we’ve relied on throughout this entire black hole of sadness. We’d all have succumbed to our negative thoughts if it wasn’t for Nat.
“I can’t believe Tanner would pants Brad in front of the whole gym,” Natalie squeaks out through her giggles as she wipes tears from her face.
“I’m so mad I missed it!” Sara says from her perch on the rolling stool in the room.
The whole group got together today because the doctor, apparently, has news for us. Normally, we aren’t allowed to be here all at the same time, but they made an exception for this. Megan’s parents are out in the hallway since there’s not much space for them in the room.
“Yeah, Tanner did it on the last day of school before we left for break. It was amazing,” Cooper continues. He saw the whole incident at the gym. It’s always nice when a school bully gets what’s coming to him. I just wish I could have seen it in person.
“Hey, could you guys keep it down over there, I’m trying to sleep,” Megan says, a smirk pulling at her mouth. She reaches for the railing, pushing the button to raise the head of her bed.
“It’s about time you woke up, sleeping beauty!” Natalie winks at Megan, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.
“What’s everyone doing here? Has the doctor given the news about the drug trial yet?”
“No, we were waiting for you to wake up from your nap,” Lucy responds as Cooper steps out to get Meg’s parents and the doctor.
Everyone packs inside of the room, and I sit down at Megan’s side to hold her hand. As usual, she’s her calm and collected self while my insides are twisting to the point I may be sick if I don’t take some deep breaths.
“Hello, everyone,” Dr. Robins starts, “I’ve got a few different updates. Based on Meg’s scans, the tumors have stayed pretty much the same since we last looked at them, which is both good and bad. It means they aren’t spreading, but they’re also not getting smaller. Based on her results, I was able to apply for the experimental treatment earlier than we thought I could.”
He pauses, letting the first part of the news sink in before finishing his update. “They approved the application! Meg can begin the treatment immediately!” he says, a smile showing on his normally stoic face.
“For real? I got approved?” Megan asks.
“Yep,” the doctor confirms. Smiles are on everyone’s faces at the news. This treatment has supposedly shown great results for the same cancer Megan has, and we’ve been waiting for weeks to find out if she was eligible. We didn’t know the doctor was able to apply already, so the news of her being approved early is the best news we’ve heard in a while.
The chances of Megan surviving are now astronomically better, and a huge weight has been lifted from the entire room.
I look down at her in her hospital bed. Even with the smile stretched wide across her face as she talks excitedly to her parents, she still looks like a shell of the person she once was.
Is this truly the end, or will we have to go through all of this again one day? I couldn’t do it again. I’d never survive watching her waste away in front of me a second time. I barely survived this time.
