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“You don’t want to buy me dinner.”
“Well, I can see by your costume you’re more into old man river or some shit, but maybe I can try and remedy that.”
“I’ve dated quite a few of you, and I promise you I’m not bat-ting a thousand. Pun intended.”
“Cute. But I really would like to take you out.”
I summon my inner Madea. “Look, boy, the only number you’re about to need is Nine. Onet. Onet. You got dat? I know it’s hard to comprehend.”
He chuckles. “Are you Madea?”
Why Lort? Why must he be the only one to get it?
He leans in, the smell of his cologne magnifying my loss of brain cells.
Danger. Danger. Danger.
“That wig and those glasses can’t disguise how beautiful you are.”
I jerk back. “Flattery will get me pregnant. I’m seventy years old. Do you really want that? I’m well past the men-da-pause.”
He throws his head back with a laugh. “Come on, beautiful, just give me your name.”
“Ma to the damn d-e-a. Madearrrr and I don’t date batmens no mo, you heard me?”
He towers over me, his masculinity blinding. It’s all I can do to keep from clutching my pearls when he speaks again, his voice low. “Silky dark hair, legs for days, shiny perfect kissable lips, I remember you well, Ms. Nope.”
“That’s right, it’s Ms. Nope, as in no-pe-nis.” Thick lips and a blinding smile render me speechless as he shakes his Bat head. “Now, run off to ya cave and leave an old woman alone.”
“Just one date?”
“Lort no, I’ve outgrown you! Now I really mus-be going.”
“You’re breaking my heart.”
“There you are,” Lindsey says scouring Batman from head to foot, her eyes widening a little when they meet mine. “And I can see what’s keeping you.” I thrust the beer her way to shut her up, and it sloshes over my hand before she takes it.
“Mr. Dark Knight was just on his way to fight some injustices.”
“The only injustice here is you not giving me a chance to take you out.”
I’ve reached my limit. “Take your cave dwelling firm ass on!”
He lets out a long breath and leans in again as I stand on shaky legs. “I’m not giving up. I’m going to find you.”
“Good luck with that, I’m no longer on your radar.”
“Just a matter of time,” he says through Batman lips that have Lindsey swooning next to me.
I grip Lindsey by the arm and drag her dickmatized ass away as I give him parting words over my shoulder. “Yeah, well if you see my porch light on, it’s not the signal, it’s my new bat zapper. Fair warning.”
He shakes his head through a throaty and ridiculously sexy laugh as I chug what’s left in my cup.
“Good God, I love Zach, but that was one hot ass Batman.”
“Trust me, that was a neon ‘stay the hell away’ sign as far as I’m concerned.”
“I doubt he’s hard-pressed to find company looking like that, but why in the world would you turn him down?”
