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“Thanks.” Troy takes our drinks from the bar and gestures to a nearby booth for more privacy. Once seated, he turns to me.
“Why didn’t you tell him?”
“It’s humiliating for one.”
“I get it, but he never suspected?”
“No, and I was thankful. With his temper. He would have lost it.”
“Aside from that day, what else did they do?”
“What didn’t they do? Notes on my car, in class, and then that day, that day you stepped in, that was the worst of it. I never really got a chance to thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, ever. I’m still disgusted.”
“I j-just, c-can w-we stop t-talking about this?”
“Harper, it’s clear this is eating you alive. You need to talk to someone.”
“I’m sure you have better things to worry about.”
“No, actually, I don’t. I was there. And I saw how they hurt you. I’m still pissed we didn’t report it.”
“It was just better if I left.” I stab at the loose olive with my cocktail straw.
“I get why you didn’t tell him, then. But why does it stop you now?”
“Let’s just change the subject, okay?”
“Harper—”
“Because I don’t want to be the champ’s ugly ass girlfriend. That’s why!”
“What?” Troy pales, his eyes going wide.
“Jesus,” I sputter out, “if we’re going to discuss this, then let’s be real for a second. I’m not pretty enough for him. That was the perception then, and it will be now. I don’t know if I can handle a target on my back again.”
“What the hell, Harper?”
“Come on, Troy. You’re being kind. With his looks and talent, he will get big, he will. Except this time, the media will be involved because he will become a champion. Boohoo, right? At least I’ll have Lance. But what do you think they’re going to say about me? It’ll be the same shit all over again. I thought I was strong enough then, but I wasn’t. And that was just college. I cracked. I left him. I believed them. And some days I still do.”
“Harper, you’re not ugly. Damn, is that what you really think?”
“No. But I don’t think I’m pretty enough for Lance, and I know how pathetic that sounds. I have a good body image, and I work with what God gave me but standing next to him…it changes everything. And it does. It did. No one gave a shit about me at that school until I started dating him. At the home game before the one you helped me, these girls were openly talking about me a row down, saying how ugly I was and wondering what in the hell he could see in me? My sister was sitting next to me, begging me not to believe them, sobbing. But do you know why she was crying? Because it’s the truth. The truth is that as long as Lance is in the spotlight, I’ll be the ugly girlfriend who doesn’t deserve him.”
“Harper, you can’t believe that.”
“No offense, but you’ve never had a bad face day in your life. Being with him will make me a target, and I don’t know if I can handle it. Last time, they assaulted me, this time…I’m terrified to find out. So, when he asked me to commit to him, I hesitated. Fear won. That’s the truth.” I toss back my martini intent on numbing that realization off my tongue.
He shakes his head. “I don’t think that way about you.”
“You care about me, and anyone who does never really has the guts, nor the will to hurt me like that. But here’s the thing. I don’t need yo
u to tell me I’m pretty. I’m fine with the way I look, it’s everyone else who will have a problem with it. I need a solution.”
“Harper, this is bullshit.”
“Troy,” I stay adamant. “If it wasn’t true, it wouldn’t be an issue.”
