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“Harper, you know that man thinks you don’t love him enough to be with him. To even try?”
“I know. I’ve never told anyone but my nana what happened. Not even my best friend. Because I swore, I swore, I wouldn’t throw this pity party, but here I am, in full-blown PTSD two years later.”
“It’s because you’re scared.”
“Terrified. You can tell me it’s all going to be all right, and you can pep talk me all you want, but the truth is you know just how shitty people can be. And by being with him, I’m inviting that into my life. There is no solution.”
“Shit, I don’t know what to say.”
“Nothing to say. I’m so sorry you were coming to have a beer and relax, and I’m shitting all over your downtime.”
“I don’t give a damn about that.”
“You’re a good guy, Jenner.”
“That’s a rare compliment for me, thanks. But I’m not dropping it. Harper, you have to tell him.”
“So, what…he can tell me I’m pretty? That’s not a solution either, Troy.”
“You can’t let them win.”
“I handled it for months before I cracked. But it was more than that. My dad was terrified. That’s why he reacted so badly to the news. He got it all wrong, but I was bullied before in middle school, and that was a cakewalk compared to what they did to me. My dad was partially to blame. They didn’t just come after me. They came after my sister on social media first and then continued to harass her after the fact. And when it all came to a head, I had an escape route, and I took it. To spare Lance, me, my parents…everyone. It was just easier for me to leave than to let it go any further, you know?”
“Yeah.”
“I wanted to be here in New York, Troy. I did. It was an easy out, a way to follow my dream with one exception.”
“Lance.”
I nod. “See,” I sniff, “problem is, I can’t stop loving him.”
“You aren’t going to outgrow him, Harper.”
“I’m realizing that.”
“You have to tell him.”
“He thinks I’m above what people think about me, and for so long, I was, but that scared the shit out of me.”
“It scared me too, even now, I’m terrified for my children and the world they’re growing up in.”
“I don’t blame you.”
“Can I give you a little of my own truth?”
“Sure.”
“None of us really are tough enough, no matter how resilient we think we are. Someone in the newsroom had it out for me the other day, called me a fucking monkey, and I almost cried.”
I throw my head back and laugh.
He narrows his eyes. “You asshole.”
“Sorry, but I needed that laugh.”
I sip my martini and finally put a voice to the rest of my fears.
“Even if I decide to hell with it and step into the spotlight with him, this is Lance. He’s not going to get it at first because the man truly loves me, loves this face, this nose, and everything attached. But when he realizes what’s happening, he’s going to want to fight and not just in the ring. Because they will come after me again and again for a profile God gave me, and some will go far enough to say it in front of him. I don’t want him to feel these things. I don’t want him to be embarrassed.” I’m sobbing again. “If I would have fallen for a nobody, it wouldn’t matter. But people are so damn cruel. You know that.”
