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“Look, I know I said it would be easier if we gave each other space, but I didn’t mean for it to be like this!” I said, holding my hands up. “I came to tell you I was wrong, Dean. I miss you, so much, too much. This isn’t working for me, but obviously you are just fine with it,” I huffed, crossing my own arms in front of me, on guard with him for the first time since I’d last seen him in Austin.
“And you’re sure you’re not?” he asked crudely, pulling himself from the wall, his face in mine, his eyes blazing.
“I just said I wasn’t,” I pleaded turning away from his stare. “I can’t concentrate.”
“Well, why don’t you ask Casey to help you?” he said icily.
“What?” I asked, baffled. “That idiot,” I started to protest then realized he was fuming. “Dean, you don’t think he and I did anything, do you?” I asked, taken aback. I moved toward him as he picked up his bag and started walking away from me.
“Dean, I didn’t touch him!” I yelled after him. “I would never. Not him!”
“He answered your phone at 4 A.M., Dallas!” he confronted, turning back to face me.
“Fine, so he did. So that gave you the fucking right to cut me out of your life? You bastard! Is that why you did this? Do you have any idea what that did to me?”
He dropped his backpack and gripped my shoulders. “I’m not there! I’m not there, Dallas! I was losing my fucking mind. I couldn’t handle it, okay? I still …”
“Me neither,” I admitted as his face twisted before our lips came crashing together. Fire spread from my chest down to my toes as he pushed me up against the wall and plunged his tongue into my mouth. I moaned out as he fully wrapped himself around me and I threaded my fingers into his hair, gripping him and tilting my head to invite him in deeper. When he had kissed me thoroughly, he pulled away and held the sides of my face.
“Fuck, I miss you so much,” he murmured as he pulled away, an inch from my lips. “But we can’t do this. Dallas, I can’t do this. You were right. It’s too much…… too hard.” My eyes immediately filled with tears at his admission. At the same time it comforted me I wasn’t alone.
“Did you sleep with him?”
“No, Cammie did.” He nodded, taking in my appearance with a sigh. My admission did little to change his resolve.
“One day your answer will be yes, Dallas. You will date again, and you may even love someone else. I won’t be able to handle it.”
“You won’t and I won’t. I can’t love anyone else, Dean. I don’t know how to. I’ll wait. I want to be with you, Dean.” He was shaking his head as soon as the words left my mouth.
“I can’t, Dallas. You pushed me away and I lost my shit when he answered your phone. This isn’t good. We have to—”
“What about graduation, Dean?” I said harshly as more tears spilled down my cheeks. “What about that? Am I supposed to forget that, too?” I gripped my necklace and he looked past me as he spoke.
“Dallas, it’s a long way away. What if I don’t want to leave New York?”
“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” He lowered his head and I lowered mine, forcing his back up to meet my eyes. “You son of a bitch!” I cried, my heart crumbling to nothing at his feet. I glared at him as I started to back away. “Everything you’ve ever said to me was a lie.” I had to get away from him. Pain I couldn’t handle seared through my chest in a silent explosion. I turned and dashed in my heels and was narrowly missed by a cab as I darted out into the street. Dean caught me, bringing me back to him, and held me still while I struggled against him.
“Dallas, stop it!” he barked.
“Fuck you!” I screamed, fighting him as I struggled to get away.
He gave up the fight several minutes later, cursing in frustration. “What do you want from me?! I told you I would stay! When you insisted I come, I begged you to wait for me. Told you I would do whatever I could to keep us together. You wanted space! You broke up with me, insisted we go on without each other. I’m here now. I can’t quit, and there’s no going back.” I stopped moving as I looked up at him. I saw it then. The edge in his words filled me with dread.
“You’ve slept with someone?” I asked around a sob. “No, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. I fucking hate you. You did this to me!” I screamed, hysterical. “You made me love you this much! You took it all and left me.”
“Please, Dallas,” he said, moving me to a less crowded part of the street, keeping me tight to him as my breathing evened out. “No, I haven’t touched another woman. I can’t.”
“It’s fine,” I said, trying in vain to pull myself together.
“It’s not fine. I’m not fine, either,” he admitted, running his fingers through my hair as he spoke with his chin pressed to my temple. “I feel like I can’t breathe without knowing you anymore. It’s been the hardest three months of my life. I thought you were moving on.”
“Because I was trying to be that girl for you. The one who doesn’t need you constantly and can handle the distance, but I can’t. I can’t do it! Please, can we fix this? Let’s fix this!” I croaked, begging him. “Please, Dean, help me fix this!
“Come home—”
“Come to New York—”
“I don’t belong here,” I answered, knowing at the same time. “You do.”
