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Chapter Thirty-Three
RAVEN
It isCindy’s night off and she is asleep on the couch with Janna. I watch them for a long time, feeling numb with shock. When I feel a sob rise up my throat, I hold my hand over my mouth to keep from waking them. I love them both somuch.
Leaving everything behind means leaving hertoo.
How can I leave Cindy behind?
She’s more than a friend and roommate. She’s a sister to me. I don’t know what I would have done without her after Octavia passed away. She kept me sane and focused. She gave me a break, watching Janna when I needed a few minutes to fall apart. I love her. The way Konstantin, no, Dragan, drummed it into my head. I have to walk away forever. That means the only time we can meet is in secret in another country, after we have agreed to the meeting using encrypted messages in Internet shops.
I gently shake her shoulder. Her eyes open slowly and she blinks up at me. It takes a few seconds for her to fully step out of her dreams.
“Raven?” She sits up a little, rubbing her eyes as she carefully extricates herself from Janna’s little arms. “What’s wrong?”
I sink to the floor, just drop to my butt where I stand. First she frowns, then she joins me on the floor. I tell her everything in a blur of tears and whispers. Konstantin’s real identity. The mob boss who wants me dead. The plan to keep Janna and me safe. Cindy stares at me, her eyes round with horror and astonishment. I’m sure it must seem to her that she is still dreaming. Finally, her arms go around me and she leans her head againstmine.
“We have to leave tomorrow,” I tell her. “Our train is scheduled to pull out of the station at ten-thirty.”
She lifts her head, startled. “Tomorrow?”
I nod. “He gave me everything. Passports with fake names, money, train tickets, a believable cover story.”
“So you’re leaving tomorrow?” she repeats in wonder.
“I don’t want to leave, Cin.”
She frowns. “All of this is so incredible it sounds like something from a movie.”
“I can’t believe it myself,” I admit.
“There must be some otherway.”
I shake my head. “He says if the Don even suspects that he has been double-crossed he will hunt me and Dragandown.”
“God. What amess!”
“The worst part is I’m not even supposed to tell Mum and Dad because these people might go around to them. The only way they will be safe is if they think we’ve both just disappeared, but I can’t devastate Mum like that. I couldn’t live with myself if I did that to her. She’ll go mad with worry. After we’ve gone I want you to tell Mum everything. She can make something up for Dad. With his dementia, he can barely remember what he ate yesterday so it won’t really matter. Mum’s good at keeping secrets so I’m not worried that she’ll blab to the neighbors or something.”
Without warning Cindy starts crying, her tears making me feel even worse. Tough Cindy. The last time I saw her cry was when her dog died and that was fifteen yearsago.
“How could this happen to you?” she whispers, clinging to me as I cling toher.
We both turn to look at sweet Janna asleep on the couch at the same time. She is completely oblivious to the total meltdown happening in front of her. If I do this, that will leave us alone, just the two of us against the world. But if I stay and something happens to me, she’ll be by herself. I can’t let her lose me. I promised Octavia I’d take care of her until she was grownup.
“He told me to pack what I need for one night,” I say in an almost calm voice. Now that I’ve cried my eyes out, that stunned feeling is back. “A single small bag for each of us. Nothing that would draw the attention of our neighbors, or make it seem like we are going away. We have to leave before the sun rises and stay hidden until it’s time for us to board.” I glance at my watch. I have to keep to theplan.
Cindy hugs me harder, her breath hitching. “My aunt is out of town for another week. You can stay at her place until your train leaves. You’ve never been to her new apartment so no one will recognize you there. She’s letting me use her car too. It’s downstairs, so we won’t have to risk taking a taxi.” Now that she’s let out her tears, she’s all business.
“No, that is not the plan. Any change in the plan will make it unravel.”
She stands and drags me to my feet. “Fine. I get it. Come on. Let’s get a couple of bags packed for you and Janna.”
I follow her, doing what she tells me to do, my insides numb, my head cluttered with unfinished thoughts that don’t make any sense. I ache to see Dragan. All I want to do is go back to his cold flat and ask him to hold me. I wish there was some way out of this situation, but I know in my heart that if there was, he would have thought of it. He knows this Don. If he says he’s a danger to Janna and me, then I believehim.
We fill a backpack for Janna and a duffel bag for me with a few clothes and some personal items—a family photo album, Janna’s well-worn, favorite teddy bear. Konstantin emphasized the importance of leaving things like toiletries, my purse with money and credit cards, and my passport and driving license behind. Taking them would make the police think we hadn’t simply disappeared in the night, but had left of our own accord. What the police knew the Don’s moles would reportback.
“Okay, let’s go through the story you tell everyone, including the police,” I tell Cindy.
She quickly runs through the story Dragan concocted for us. She was asleep in her room. When she woke up we had gone. Unfortunately, she didn’t hear anything, because she is a very heavy sleeper. I had gone away for the weekend but had not mentioned wanting to go away again. Yes, I went on the weekend with the man, but she has no idea who he is or where he lives.
Then, I take one final tour of the apartment where the three of us have lived for the last few years, our personalities on every wall, our memories echoing in every item. We’ll make new memories, the two of us. We’ll haveto.
I go back to the living room where we have not switched on the light. “Okay, I’m ready.”
We reach for each other at the same time and hug so hard it hurts. Both of us sniffling into each other’s ears to keep the tears back. I don’t know what to say to her. I can’t remember a time in my life when I didn’t know this woman. She’s walked with me through everything. After tonight I don’t know when I’ll see her again, or even if Iwill.
“Be safe, Raven, and take care of our littlegirl.”
I nod instead of answering, not trusting myself to hold it together.
“I’ll go to the internet café and set up that email address first thing in the morning so you’d better find a moment to tell me you’re okay, real quick.”
“I will,” I promise, holding on tight.
We rock each other back and forth the way we have done for years.
“I wish you were coming with us,” I say, only half joking.
Cindy pulls away from me. “I’ll find you again,” she promises, pressing her forehead against mine. “This isn’t goodbye. It’s see yousoon.”
I nod. “Okay. See you soon. I loveyou.”
“Love you too.” I let her go, but I don’t budge. Neither doesshe.
“What if I can’t dothis?”
She presses her palms on either side of my cheeks and looks deep into my eyes. “You can do this. Rosa always said you don’t look it, but of all of us, you are the strongest.”
We watch each other for a long, drawn out moment, our eyes taking in the other’s face, committing it to memory for later.
I pick Janna up from the couch. She is so deeply asleep, she doesn’t do much more than whimper and burrow into my shoulder. I walk to the front door with Cindy following behind. I stop to turn around. “I love you, Cin. Always rememberthat.”
She can’t say the words. She just nods, her chin trembling. Then she leans forward and kisses Janna’s cheek.
“Bye,” I whisper.
She nods again and opens the door and stands behind it just in case someone passes by and sees her. No one must know that she was awake during the night. I step out of our home, and she closes the door behind us. I walk quickly and quietly. It’s past three in the morning so the corridors are empty.
We make it out of the building without incident or meeting anyone. I walk around the block and see the white Honda with the number plates Dragan made me memorize waiting for me. I bundle Janna into the car and the driver immediately pulls away from the kerb. I turn around and lookback.
The street is empty.
It seems incredible to think that I will never be coming backhere.
