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I closed my eyes because this was always what I’d been afraid of… and secretly wishing for.
“Talk to me, Sawyer.”
The plea in Jett’s voice had me opening my eyes. “He owned me in so many ways, Jett. And I let him. For years. He paid off all my student loans shortly after we met. He said I could pay him back as much or as little as I wanted and with no interest. That debt had felt like a noose around my neck so when he took care of it, I was just so damn grateful. When he suggested we merge our accounts after I moved in with him, I didn’t even have to think about it. I made him promise he’d put my income toward the bills and repaying the loan. But I didn’t take responsibility for it. I didn’t want to.”
Jett nodded. “You liked being taken care of for the first time in your life.”
The fact that he got it without even trying just made me feel like a fool. He could read me so easily, but what if—
“Hey,” Jett said firmly, forcing me to turn my attention back to him. “If that beautiful mind of yours insists on trying to convince you of something that isn’t true, I’m not above playing dirty to make you remember who you’re with.” He slid his dick along mine, sending delicious shivers of sensation throughout my entire body.
I groaned and closed my eyes but as soon as I did, the movement stopped. I opened my eyes to find Jett smiling down at me.
“Asshole,” I muttered.
He dropped his mouth so it was barely brushing mine. He teased me with one soft kiss after another. “Have I ever told you how much I love this dirty mouth of yours?” Jett asked between kisses.
“This mouth is going to cost me Newt’s tuition before he even starts kindergarten this fall,” I groused.
Jett chuckled. The sound swept through me like the most powerful of waves. I was falling too hard and too fast for this man. I needed to rip the Band-Aid off so I could find a way to recover from his defection once he saw me for what I really was.
“About four years into the relationship, he started bringing random men home with him. He wanted to watch them fuck me. Sex with Marcus had already changed a lot by then—”
“How?” Jett interrupted.
I didn’t want to answer the question, but I knew it was something Jett needed to know. He had a right to know how far I’d fallen from the man I’d once been.
“He’d always been dominant but as things in his personal life changed, like a problem with a case or negative press, it was like he needed to get even with those people. He needed to degrade them, humiliate them.”
“But he couldn’t,” Jett observed. “So he took it out on you instead.”
I nodded as my throat closed up. I forced myself to suck in one deep breath after another.
“What did he do, sweetheart?” Jett asked.
I shook my head because there were just some details I couldn’t give voice to. “He didn’t force me to do any of it. He was rough sometimes, but I never told him to stop. But the things he said, the names he called me… it was like he got off on humiliating me. I was so ashamed afterwards but then I’d see how much more relaxed he was and I felt like… like I did that. Like I finally gave something back to him.”
Even as I spoke the words and hoped against hope that Jett would understand, I also felt the old familiar shame come back and my stomach roiled violently.
“Sawyer,” Jett said softly. He remained silent until I opened my eyes which I hadn’t even realized I’d closed at some point. “Finish it, baby. If you don’t, those wounds will never start to scar over. I’m not going anywhere.”
I managed a nod even as it felt like someone had shoved a handful of cotton down my throat. “When he brought the first guy home, I begged him not to do that to us. At least when it had just been the two of us…”
“It was still just the two of you,” Jett finished for me. It didn’t surprise me in the least that he got it. He just got it.
“Marcus said if I loved him, I’d do anything for him. He blamed me for a lot of the problems he was having. He said he was getting a lot of heat from his friends and business partners about our relationship… that by defending me, he was losing business and connections. He said the least I could do after everything he’d given me was keep him happy in the bedroom.”
“I’m sorry, baby,” Jett said as he pressed his forehead to mine. “I’m so sorry.”
