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His words had me struggling to keep the tears at bay. “I thought he’d stop it,” I croaked as the current of the past swiftly pulled me under. “I thought he’d stop it.”
Jett rolled us so he was once again on his back. His arms were like steel bands around me. I buried my face in his chest and tried desperately to stem the tears that were slipping down my cheeks.
“I can’t even remember what the guy looked like, but I’ll never forget Marcus’s eyes as he watched. I’ll never forget the sound of his voice as he told the guy what to do. He’d become a stranger to me. The man I’d convinced myself that I loved more than anything else was gone. That was the moment I realized that guy had never existed. That the Marcus I was watching as he took pleasure in my pain was the man I’d given myself over to so easily. When it was over, Marcus tossed some money to the guy and showed him out. When he came back into our bedroom, he didn’t say anything to me. He just disappeared into the bathroom and that was it.”
“What did you do?” Jett gently asked.
“I finally woke the fuck up,” I said. “By the time he came out of the bathroom, I’d packed the few belongings I’d brought into the relationship. I told him I was leaving. He laughed but didn’t even try to stop me. I got a hotel room close to work and tried to figure out what to do next. An hour after I got to work the next morning, the cops showed up and arrested me for stealing Marcus’s car.”
“What the fuck?” Jett growled.
“He’d given me the car for my birthday but had conveniently forgotten to put it in my name.” I forced myself to shift my body so I could look at Jett. “He owned it all, Jett. My name wasn’t even on any of the bank accounts. The cops arrested me. I couldn’t make bail because I didn’t have access to any money. There was no one to call because I’d distanced myself from the people at work who’d tried socializing with me outside the office after Marcus convinced me that he and I already didn’t get enough time with our schedules to be together. I put myself in that jail cell and I threw the key out of reach, Jett.”
“No you didn’t—”
I covered Jett’s mouth gently with one hand and said, “Scars, not wounds, right?”
Jett reluctantly nodded but stayed quiet when I removed my hand.
“Marcus was the one who bailed me out. He said he’d drop the charges if I came home with him. I knew if I didn’t do what he wanted, I’d risk losing my job at the zoo because stealing the car was a felony charge. I went home with Marcus with the intent of making a clean break but as soon as we walked through the door, he was on me. Like I said, he never hit me, but this”—I pointed to the bruises on my neck—“along with a warning of what he’d do to me if I tried to leave him again had me staying put for a while, at least long enough that I could come up with a plan.”
Another layer of shame fell over me as I said, “That was when the apologies began. Marcus was once again the man he’d been when we’d first met. I’d seen the movie a million times. Guy and girl meet and fall in love. Guy hurts girl. Girl makes excuses. Guy apologizes and it’s all about the love again. Until girl does or says the wrong thing…”
I sighed and turned my attention to Jett’s chest. His muscles fascinated me but not only sexually. Despite being in a wheelchair, the man was so much physically stronger than me and yet his touch had always been gentle.
I wasn’t sure how much time we spent just lying there like that, with me exploring his warm skin and him running his hand up and down my back. I was glad when he didn’t rush me to continue, though I knew that was what I needed to do.
“I convinced myself the whole thing had been this terrible mistake and I’d read into things that weren’t there. I’d accepted Marcus’s explanation that he’d been at the lowest point in his life when he’d brought the prostitute home. Everything went back to normal.” I forced my starved lungs to pull in a breath. “Or so I thought.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
JETT
Or so I thought.
I inwardly flinched when I heard the words, or more specifically, the way Sawyer said them. The truth was, I really wanted him to be done. It was all I could do to keep my body relaxed and my touch soft as the rage clawed at my insides like a wild animal. But I also knew he needed to get all of it out or he’d never be able to start healing. I could hear by the way he spoke that he was putting the blame on himself for how he’d reacted to the situation rather than on Marcus where it belonged.
