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Janie shakes her head numbly.
She doesn’t notice when Carrie leaves.
October 19, 2005, 2:45 a.m.
Janie lies awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. Arguing with herself. She knows she shouldn’t do it. But she has nothing to lose.
Feeling like a total creep, she gets dressed and slips out of the house. Runs softly through the yards, avoiding the houses with dogs.
Sneaks up to Cabel’s house and sits outside his bedroom window, in the bushes. She leans up against the house and waits. The bricks snag her sweatshirt. It’s chilly. She puts her mittens on.
Her butt falls asleep.
And her legs.
She gets terribly bored.
5:01 a.m.
She slips away while it’s still dark, feeling like a criminal.
A criminal who walks away with nothing.
7:36 a.m.
She gathers her schoolbooks from the coffee table. The note is still there, where Carrie left it. She hesitates, and then opens it.
We really need to talk, Janie. Please. I’m begging. Cabe.
That’s all it says.
7:55 a.m.
Janie waits for the bell and slips into school. She gets to English class just before Mr. Purcell closes the door. “Feeling better, I presume, Miss Hannagan,” he intones.
Janie presumes it’s a rhetorical question and ignores him.
She can feel Cabel’s eyes on her.
She won’t look at him.
It’s torture, is what it is.
Every damn class, of every damn day.
Torture.
12:45 p.m.
He gives up.
Janie dreads study hall. But he gives up. He sits in the opposite corner of the library, removes his glasses, and rests his head on his arms.
She notes with satisfaction that he does, indeed, look like shit. Just as Carrie said.
Carrie plops in the chair next to her.
If Cabel dreams, Janie doesn’t pick it up. Instead, she lays her head on her arms and tries to take in a nap. But she’s sucked into yet another falling dream. This time, it’s her own.
And then she’s pulled awake and Carrie is there. Or, rather, Janie is with Carrie. And Stu.
Janie watches with curiosity.
Carrie looks like she’s enjoying it.
A lot.
Four times.
Once was enough for Janie.
And she really doesn’t think Stu’s dick could possibly be that large. He could have never fit behind the wheel of ol’ Ethel with that thing.
Now Janie knows what else she’s missing. She grunts when Carrie nudges her arm.
Gets up.
Two more classes.
Janie is weary. And she has to work a full shift tonight.
Apparently things get worse before they get better.
If they ever get better.
Janie’s doubtful.
10:14 p.m.
Miss Stubin is in a coma.
Hospice is in her room all evening.
Janie hovers anxiously.
And then Miss Stubin dies. Right there in front of Janie.
Janie cries. She’s not exactly sure why—she’s never cried over a resident’s death before. There was just something special about this one.
But she’s glad Miss Stubin got to make love with that nice young soldier, even if it was just a black-and-white dream.
The head nurse sends Janie home a little early. She says Janie still looks a bit under the weather. Janie is numb. And exhausted. She’s been awake since two a.m.
She says good-bye to Miss Stubin. Touches her cold, gnarled hand and gives it a little squeeze.
10:31 p.m.
Janie drives home slowly, windows rolled down, hand ready on the parking brake. She takes Waverly. Past Cabel’s house.
Nothing.
She falls into bed when she gets home.
There are no notes, no phone calls, no visits. Not that she was hoping for anything, of course. That bastard.
October 22, 2005
Janie works the day shift. It’s Saturday. She is assigned to the arts-and-crafts room. This makes her happy. Most of the residents at Heather Home don’t sleep through the craft.
At her lunch break, the director is there, even though it’s a weekend. She calls Janie into her office and closes the door.
Janie is worried. Has she done something wrong? Has someone caught her in a dream and thought she was slacking off? She sits down tentatively in the chair by the director’s desk.
“Is everything okay?” she asks nervously.
The director smiles. She hands Janie an envelope. “This is for you,” she says.
“What is it?”
“I don’t know. It’s something from Miss Stubin. We found it in her belongings after the coroner came. Open it.”
Janie’s eyes grow wide. Her fingers shake a little. She breaks open the seal and pulls out a folded piece of stationery. When she opens it, a small piece of paper flutters to the ground. She reads. The handwriting is barely legible. Crooked. Written with a blind hand.
Dear Janie,
Thank you for my dreams.
From one catcher to another,
Martha Stubin
P.S. You have more power than you think.
Janie’s heart stutters. She draws in a breath. No, she thinks. Impossible.
The director picks up the small rectangle of paper from the floor and hands it to Janie. It’s a check.
It says, “for college,” in the memo line.
It’s five thousand dollars.
Janie looks up at the director, whose face is beaming so hard, it looks like it’s about to crack. She looks down at the check, and then again at the letter.
The director stands and gives Janie’s shoulder a squeeze. “Good job, honey,” she sniffles. “I’m so glad for you.”
3:33 p.m.
There is a phone call for Janie.
She hurries to the front desk. What a strange day.
It’s her mother.
“There’s this hippie on the porch, says he ain’t leaving until he talks to you. You coming home soon? He wants to know, and I’m going to bed.”
Janie sighs. She writes her schedule down every week on the calendar. But she is amused. Maybe because she got a check from Miss Stubin. Maybe because her mother calls Cabel a hippie.
“I’ll be home a little after five, Ma.”
“Do I need to worry about this character on the porch, or can I go to bed?”
“You can go to bed. He’s . . . ah . . . not a rapist.” That I know of, anyway. They hang up.
5:21 p.m.
Cabel is not on the porch.
Janie goes inside. There’s a note on the counter, underneath a dirty glass, in her mother’s scrawl.
Hippie said he couldn’t stay. Be back tomorrow.
Love, Mom.
It said, Love, Mom.
That was the most notable thing about it.
Janie rips the note into shreds and throws it in the overflowing garbage can.
She changes her clothes, pops a TV dinner in the oven, and pulls out her college applications.
Five thousand. Just a drop in the bucket, she knows. But it’s something.
Just like Miss Stubin’s note.
That was really something.
Janie can’t wrap her mind around that one yet.
