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“And you’re dead,” I laugh at her.
*****
Standing next to her, panting I clean my cock with her shirt before tucking myself back into my jeans. I watch in fascination as the earth absorbs her blood like a sponge. It’s almost magical as the liquid that gives her life is now being swallowed by the ground.
Her body is covered with teeth marks and dried blood. The marks of my small blade are deeper and still dripping. The bruises on her legs are already purple, but they’re not easily seen because of the blood coming out between her legs.
Finally, I look at my last art on her body. A shudder runs through my body as I remember how her delicate neck opened up with the kiss of my blade, how she tried to breathe to only be drowned in her own blood.
Her eyes are still wide open, shock and fear reflecting on them, but they are dull now, not shining with tears.
I caressed the sharp side of my blade. It’s always with me wherever I go, whatever I do since the day Theo thought it was a good idea to fuck with me, since the day he wanted to put a collar on me so he could fuck me like a dog all the while forcing me to come down Nat’s throat.
This small blade saved me that day and now it just became my friend, my weapon, and the judge of my deadly wishes.
February 3, 2014–Day 18
A hunger woke me up. I moved my head enough to see the small window of the room. The sky was violet, it was that early or that late.
I heard the jingle of the keys from the other side of the door.
I remembered bits and pieces of the last scene I caused and I was afraid of what he would do to me. Curling into a ball in the corner of the room, I wished I could disappear. I held my breath as he came closer toward me, preparing myself for the pain when he stood in front of me. I couldn’t look up to meet his eyes, but I was shocked when he kneeled to close the distance between us.
“What happened, slut? Where is the fighter? Can’t you even look me in the eyes now?” he asked, but his voice wasn’t as harsh as I expected. He almost looked like he was enjoying it, but I wasn’t sure as half of his face was covered with white gauze.
I gasped, waited for the strike when he lifted his hand but instead he caressed my cheek, grazing his nail on my eyebrow, “I have a big scar from here,” and he continued, moving his finger till it reached to the corner of my lip “to here.”
“Breathe… I’m not gonna hurt you, actually I’m gonna help you.”
“Wh-what?” I whispered.
“I’ve broken you with drugs, now I’m gonna mold you up,” he smiled and put a tray in front of me before sitting on the bed.
“Eat your dinner, you’re gonna need your strength.”
I didn’t know what he meant, but I was hungry so I did as I was told. I ate as fast as I could and constantly checked him for possible danger, but he silently sat on the bed and watched me as I ate.
When I was done, he placed a kiss on my temple and said, “Good luck, Cupcake.”
*****
My arms were wrapped around my knees as I sat in my corner of the room. My eyes started to lose their focus as I rocked back and forth like a ball. I was awake all night, looking at the same spot at the door. I was waiting for it to open and rescue me from my misery.
I didn’t understand what Mike meant when he wished me luck but with each passing second without my daily shot, I knew.
I waited and waited, but the door never opened.
I was hungry but this hunger wasn’t for food, my body already felt the loss of the drug.
This was my punishment.
Mike knew I was desperate.
My hands fisted on my legs, my nails bit inside of my palms but I didn’t care. Pain helped me focus.
I didn’t want to lose this battle.
I had to be strong.
