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“I’m so sorry we haven’t been by to see you already,” Karen was saying. “We’re only back in town from a family trip and saw that Leigha had passed.”
“It’s fine. Thank you for coming.”
Derrick glanced toward the men forming at the back of the dark Cadillac and nodded. “It looks like they are about to begin. I’ll stop by to see you soon, after all this is over.”
“That would be good. Here’s my number,” I told him, fishing a business card from my handbag. Though it was for the vet clinic, it had an emergency number on it, which happened to be my cell phone. I tapped my finger on it to show him. He nodded and kissed me on the cheek before following his mother to a spot nearby.
I could see Jon standing a little beyond them, talking to the minister and waving his hand toward the grave. I wondered what it was about but soon found out as the pallbearers brought the casket and put it into place, and he took up a position at the head of it. Had he planned this or was it a last-minute decision after the mess the minister had made at the earlier service?
His eulogy was beautiful, but it fell on partly deaf ears as the realization that this was real settled in over me. I felt my knees weaken as he said some final words and people began to drift away, only a handful remaining behind. Karen stood beside me again, holding me as I cried against her shoulder. After a while, I could hear the whir of the small gravedigger begin to fill the hole, and it was almost unbearable. I didn’t want my grandmother down there, left in that hole—gone forever. I pulled away from Karen and took a step toward it without thinking.
Immediately, there were strong hands on my shoulders, stopping me, holding me back. I turned to see Jon and fell against him, dissolving further into what was more like howling than sobbing. He held me close to him and stroked my hair, even as the rain finally turned loose and began to pound down upon my misery. My breath came in gasps as I pulled away and tried to regain control of myself. I looked around to see that we were alone, other than the cemetery custodians who were putting the flowers on top of the freshly filled grave.
“I guess I need to go home,” I finally managed.
“I’ll drive you,” he said, and I didn’t argue.
Everything after that became a blur as he drove us back across town in my rental and parked in the driveway. It was still pouring.
“I’ll just go hang out at the vacant house and call someone to come pick me up so I can go back for my car,” he told me. “Will you be OK?”
“I’ll be better if you don’t go,” I said, not fully understanding what I was doing, but knowing I wanted him here with me right now.
“OK. I’ll stay with you a bit,” he said.
The two of us climbed out of the car and ran through the rain to the front door, still managing to get even more soaked before reaching it. Inside, Jon stood awkwardly for a moment and then stepped toward the sofa to have a seat on the edge of it.
“No! Don’t sit on that!” I shrieked, causing him to stop midstride with wide eyes.
“Oh, sorry. Of course, I’m soaked,” he said, looking around as if to spot a place better suited for a wet person to sit.
“It’s not that.”
“Then, what is it?” he asked.
“You know what? You don’t want to know, but can you do me a favor? Will you help me move that sofa out onto the porch?”
“What?”
“Don’t ask,” I replied.
Jon wordlessly helped me lift the sofa and take it out the door, setting it to one side of the door where it was dry beneath the covered porch. Back inside, he looked at me as if to say, what’s next? I forgot all about everything except what I was feeling at that moment, walking over to him and pressing my rain-soaked clothing to his. I pushed up onto my tiptoes and kissed him.
“Rain,” he muttered in what might be the weakest protest ever uttered.
“Shush,” I replied, kissing him more fiercely.
We stood there, clinging to each another for a few moments before he finally gave up any pretext of holding back and scooped me up, carrying me to the bedroom he had recovered in yesterday.
5
Jon
It all felt somehow unreal to me and that part of me said I should stop it. It was her pain that was drawing her to me like this, and she would regret it tomorrow. That is what my brain told me. My heart told me something completely different. It had lain dormant, just waiting for a chance like this, a chance to remind her of how we used to be. Other parts of me said exactly what you’d expect a thirty-three-year-old man’s libido to say when a woman he wanted offered herself up to him. They didn’t think, only reacted.
