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“You look great,” I told her as she stepped out of the car, pulling bags from the back seat.
I took them off her hands and walked to the house with her, unloading them in the kitchen and taking her for a brief tour of the unfinished addition.
“Thanks. You looked exhausted,” she said, reaching up to touch my face.
“I’m all right. Just working too much, I guess.”
“Are you still working on the other house, next to Rain’s?” she asked.
“No. I was taking a break from that one to get my own finished.”
“Anything to do with you having a spat with her? I heard the two of you were becoming an item again, and then she ran off.”
“I don’t want to talk about Rain.”
“I don’t want to talk about her either, but she’s the big ol’ elephant in the room, isn’t she? She’s always been in the room, looming over you. No one else has ever had a chance. Don’t get me wrong, I have always known that and accepted it. I’ve been happy to just enjoy my time with you as it came, but I guess I thought someday you’d move past her and finally really notice me.”
“I do notice you,” I protested.
“Not the way I wish you would, but that’s OK. I’ve made peace with that. What I can’t understand is why you would go back to some woman that ran off to the other side of the country and got engaged to someone else. The only reason she even came back here or gave you the time of day again is because her grandmother died.”
“Not that things that have happened between Rain and I are anyone’s business, but I ran out on her first. Maybe you should just go.”
“No, hey. I’m sorry. You’re right. It’s just so hard to sit by and watch you suffer, knowing that I can never truly comfort you. You’ve opened an old wound, and I’m not sure it will ever heal again. I worry about you.”
“I know you do.”
“I’ll go, but dinner first, OK? You need to eat something besides frozen burritos and chips.”
“OK,” I replied.
I had always known that Allison wanted more from me, but it wasn’t something we’d discussed at any length. Her actions told me she was interested in a real relationship, but my actions had clearly told her that I wasn’t, and eventually, I’d felt guilty enough to have that conversation with her.
“You know I think the world of you, Allison,” I’d told her.
“I know. I also know I’m not the one you dream about at night.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t lie to you. We’ve been good friends along the way. You know everything about me and don’t judge me for it.”
In the end, we’d come to an understanding, but it wasn’t a perfect agreement. Allison still wanted more, and I was torn between losing her friendship or hurting her more by trying to hang on to it.
“Do you want me to spend the night?” she asked after dinner. “Or should I go?”
“Can we just sleep?”
“Sure. We can do that.”
That’s exactly what we did. She curled up in the bed beside me and fell asleep early, while I lay staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours. Finally, I drifted off, waking up to the sound of her already up and in the kitchen moving pots and pans around. I sat on the edge of the bed and then strolled into the kitchen in my pajama bottoms to see what she was up to.
“Pancakes?”
“You really are trying to fatten me up, aren’t you? I’m surprised you could find the ingredients for them.”
“I had a box of the quick mix and some syrup in the bags. These are easy for even you to make when I’m not here.”
I didn’t comment on the fact that she had made assumptions she would stay even before she had arrived, but then, why wouldn’t she? She always had in the past, and she had this time, too. There just wasn’t any of the usual activities between her arrival and departure.
“Here, let me finish them. You made me dinner last night,” I told her, taking the mixing bowl and stirring. She already had a small grill plugged in on the counter for them. “Did you bring that with you too?”
“No. I bought you that for Christmas last year. I found it in the cabinet, still in the box.”
“Oh. I’m sorry,” I said, my cheeks flushing pink.
I finished making the pancakes, tossing on a few strips of bacon from the fridge. We sat down a little later and ate in comfortable silence, but I could tell she had something on her mind. I debated whether I should ask or not but then considered that it might not be about me and not asking her about her own issues was selfish of me.
