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But at the same time I know that my concerns about Morgan were valid. We were fooling around while drunk, or at least I was drunk, and I know that he would feel hurt that I treated you that way. I know you wanted it and that you asked me to take your virginity, but even so much as kissing you while drunk isn’t as respectful as you deserve. You deserve to be treated better, especially for your first time.
If I’m being honest, I’ve never been drunk and hooked up with someone like that before. At least not unless I was already dating them. But for a first time doing anything with someone? No way, I was always sober. And I worry that you think now that I’ve left that it’s because I’d only do something with you while I was drunk, and that otherwise I’d never look at you twice, and that’s not true.
You were so confident, flirting with all the guys. It was sexy as hell. You in that dress is going to stay in my dreams forever. You’re a girl who goes after what she wants and I really respect that. I don’t know if you know how hot that is.
I know that you’re probably confused right now reading this because I just apologized and said it was a mistake but now I’m telling you how sexy you are. That’s because despite my regret that it went down the way it did, I loved our experience together. It was intense and like nothing I’ve ever had before. I want to see where things could go between us. I know that long distance isn’t easy but maybe it’s a silver lining. This way we can get to really know each other. Not as your brother’s best friend and Morgan’s little sister, but as Pike and Billie. As two adults.
I think we have a connection and I don’t want to give up on that.
But if you’re not interested, I understand. I really do and I don’t harbor any hard feelings. If you don’t write back, I’ll assume you don’t feel the same way. If that’s the case, then I really wish you all the best. You’re a great girl, Billie. I know you’ll go places in life. Now let’s hope I can figure out what place in life I want to go.
All my best,
Pike
2
Billie
I rode my bike home slowly from school, feeling too lethargic to really put much energy into it. I hadn’t had a lot of energy for much, lately. I was just… nervous, all the time.
Pike had disappeared after the kegger.
Well, disappeared made it sound like he’d been kidnapped or something awful like that. What actually happened was that he just left town without saying a word to anyone. Not even Morgan. Morgan was—upset, honestly, and I couldn’t blame him. Whose best friend just disappears off the face of the earth without saying anything, right?
I was terrified that it was my fault. That after what had happened between us at the kegger, Pike had been too upset and had just left rather than face Morgan and his wrath.
Mom’s car wasn’t in the garage when I put my bike away, and I felt relieved. She’d been supportive of Morgan when we found out after Christmas about Pike leaving, but I also suspected that she knew I’d been up to something at the kegger. She’d been giving me this… this look, that kind of look that was hard to describe but that every kid knew well, the look of a parent who knew some shit was up and was waiting for the right moment (or perhaps the right amount of proof) to ask about it.
“I’m home!” I yelled, entering the kitchen. I figured Morgan wouldn’t hear me, since he’d be out back tinkering on his car, but to my surprise he was right there in the kitchen.
“Whoa, you scared me,” I laughed. “Whatcha doing?”
Morgan didn’t answer. He was just tapping a letter against the table, his expression stony as he stared at me.
Ugh, great, he was pissed at me about something. Should I confront him about it? Or should I just wait until it blew over? Morgan generally didn’t hold onto grudges or whatever. If I’d annoyed him he would probably get over it in a day or two.
But as I got a glass of water, he kept staring—no, glaring, at me. What was up with him? He was tapping the envelope against the table like a fucking metronome.
“What’s up with you?” I asked, turning around to face him fully. “Something crawl up your ass?”
“Yeah,” Morgan snapped. “You did.”
I folded my arms. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
And then he said the last thing I was expecting him to say, the worst thing he could’ve possibly said:
“I know about you and Pike.”
