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“I wanted to find out more about her motives for stealing your diaries.”
“Oh sure.”
“Listen, Astrid, I’m really not good at this sort of thing, but I’m sincerely sorry for what happened with my brothers. I really regret what I did.”
“You were spying on me…”
“I know. I never meant to hurt you. I wanted to tell you the truth. But I just… I couldn’t.”
“I know – it wasn’t personal. I just feel stupid and used.”
He held her hand and realized she was trembling. “I didn’t mean for you to feel like that.”
“I get that you’re sorry. I do believe you. I just don’t know if I can trust you after such a betrayal. How can I believe you?”
“I understand. You think I’m full of bullshit.”
She gazed into his eyes – touching his soul. “I don’t think you’re full of bullshit, Jake. I think you’re full of secrets. And you seem to be guarding so many. I wonder whether you ever let anyone in. I feel like the stalking thing was just the tip of the iceberg.”
Jake’s defenses hardened against her. How did she know all this? It was as if she was able to look deep in his core and see all the bad stuff he was hiding. He wanted to run like hell – to not let her in. If she found out his inner-demons, it would be over anyway. But he didn’t want it to be over. He needed to fuck her again. To love her.
She squeezed his fingers tenderly. “There’s something else you’re holding back, isn’t there?”
Jake frowned – feigning ignorance. “No. What do you mean?”
“Well, my powers of perception may not be up there with yours, detective, but I know you’re protecting something. And whatever it is, it’s driving the show.”
“Driving what show?”
“The Jake Quinlan show.”
He shifted uncomfortably, unused to being scrutinized. “Yeah, whatever.”
“Well, maybe I’m wrong?”
He took a drag of his cigarette. “You’re wrong.”
She shrugged. “All right.”
The silence pressed down on them. Jake sighed. “Okay, there is something… but I don’t want talk about it. I don’t want to tell you, and I’m not going to.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Good, because I’m not going to.”
Jake gazed up at the stars. It’d been so long since he’d seen them – those sparkling diamonds so full of hope, covering the dark velvet sky. New York City was heavily light-polluted, making it impossible to see even the brightest stars. But here – it was a reminder to Jake that he was a tiny speck in a huge universe. It was humbling, and it gave him perspective.
Astrid pulled him out of his reverie. “By the way, I’ve already figured out that your brother must be Joseph Quinlan – I know he’s related to Adam and Dylan, so if you’re their brother...”
Jake smiled. “He’s a great kid.”
“He’s… gorgeous. So talented. And what a body. I’m embarrassed to say I go as gooey as a teenager whenever I see him perform on TV.”
Jake laughed, pushing away his possessive envy. “Yeah… he has that effect, doesn’t he?”
“It must be weird knowing that the little boy you grew up with is now so adored.”
“The truth is, I was estranged from my family for a long time. We’ve only just been reunited.”
