AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Really? What happened?”
“I was adopted by another family as a baby. It’s a long and complicated story.”
She raised a suggestive eyebrow. “We’ve got all night.”
He chuckled. “There are other things I was hoping to do with you tonight.”
She tried to suppress her grin. “That’s a bit presumptuous after what you did to me.”
“Hmm… What did I do to you? I made you cry out in ecstasy, that’s what I did. And I got the impression it’d been a while since anyone had done that.”
“Maybe. But it doesn’t mean I want it to happen again, does it?”
He leaned in and kissed her hard on the lips, making her flinch. He prepared himself for another slap, but actually, when she pulled away, she was grinning.
“First you tell me your secret,” she said. “Then we can talk about me possibly forgiving you for being a double-crossing asshole.”
“Astrid, you really don’t want to –”
“What are you afraid of, Jake?”
“Huh? I’m not afraid of anything.”
She smiled kindly. “Well… You’re not afraid to throw yourself at an armed assailant. You’re brave and strong. You could have any woman you want, but right now, you’re here with me. And for some reason, you can’t tell me what makes you tick. But if you want this woman – even only for one more night – then you’re going to have to open up to me, before I open up for you. Otherwise, let’s just forget it.”
He chuckled at her candid way of speaking. . “Right. Okay, if you really wanna know...” He braced himself, then blurted it out. “When I was fifteen, my best friend died, and I still blame myself.”
Astrid’s expression was full of compassion. “What happened?”
He gazed into her eyes, suddenly wanting to tell her everything. “We were playing down by the river and I bet him he couldn’t climb out onto the jetty. It was raining hard and the wood was slippery. He took up my challenge, and fell in the water and drowned. I jumped in after him, of course, but he was already cold and dead – lifeless – when I pulled him out.”
“And you blame yourself for that?”
“Well, if I hadn’t suggested he try it. He’d still be alive.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Jake. You can’t force someone to do that.”
“Easy for you to say.”
“So now you think you don’t deserve to be loved?”
“I never said that. That’s a huge leap to make.”
“But it’s true?”
He gazed at her, feeling closer to her than he’d ever felt to anyone. “You ever thought about becoming a detective? Or a psychologist?”
She chuckled. ?
??Nah, I’m just a woman with panic attacks.”
“You seem confident most the time.”
“I feel confident most the time. When I’m not in a trigger situation I feel fine – strong even. It’s just when I feel trapped, the fear arises and I get debilitated. It’s like I’m two people sometimes.”
“I feel like that too. Like two people. Like there’s a good me, and a bad me. It’s like there was this innocent kid called Jake, then the world got to him and fucked him up. But he still exists someplace. I sure wish I could find him again.”
“I guess we all feel like that at times. Like we were innocent – and then life happened, and people told us we were wrong, and the innocent files got corrupted. But you are worthy of being loved Jake. And what happened wasn’t your fault.”
