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I was red-faced and panting by the time I finished, feeling a bit vindicated. I had proven my point, told him I wouldn’t be forgotten and thrown aside like a sex toy. It was a nice, freeing feeling after so much misery that it took me several seconds to realize Fitz’ eyes still weren’t on me at all.
Dammit, what did I have to do to get him to treat me like a human again? And what the hell was he staring at!?
I turned my head and all of those nice, warm and justified feelings vanished as I realized a decent little semi-circle of people were around us, two different people with their cell phones out, filming.
Shit.
I stumbled back, eyes wide and feeling like an absolute idiot.
In my rush to smack down Fitz with my truth, I hadn’t thought about the consequences. And in that error, I had exposed our little tryst to the public.
Shit. Shit. Shit!
I hadn’t meant to, but that didn’t matter, did it? There were far too many eyes on us and I felt all the color drain from my face. For all my demands of deserving closure and better treatment, I didn’t actually want anyone else to be in on our personal matters. What went on between him and me was private, even if it broke my heart.
I took one last glance at Fitz’ face, who looked like he was still trying to figure out exactly what had happened, then turned on my heel and peeled out.
I had messed up. I had messed up big time.
If I had worried about effecting my job before, it was definitely ruined now.
I never should have taken the damn job.
Bev
I stared at my alarm clock, willing it to stop ringing so I could have a damn moment to think. Really though, I didn’t want to think at all. I just wanted to disappear into the ether and never resurface.
Ugh. Weekends had once been a nice thing, but lately they’d just been a chance to think and ruminate on whatever stupid thing I’d done on Friday night. And maybe that would be fine if the weekends stuck around, but eventually Monday always arrived and I had to face the consequences of my actions.
Which I really, really didn’t want to do.
I didn’t even go on the internet, afraid of what tabloids or other information I might find. I suddenly understood why Fitz valued his privacy even more than I did. The thought that such an intimate, embarrassing moment could be out there for so many to judge without the context around it was infuriating.
Would they think I was a gold digger? A jilted lover? Or would they see my round stomach and my cellulite through my leggings and think how could he ever be with her? It would be so easy to paint me as some delusional, desperate groupie. Because if I saw a picture of Fitz without knowing him, I would never think that I was his type.
My alarm went off again, insistent in its shrillness, so I forced myself out of bed. If I was going to be both fired and sued, then I might as well get it over with. Funny, for all my thoughts that the NDA was unnecessary, and I wasn’t one to kiss and tell, I had gone and broken it at the first sign of trouble.
I was an idiot.
But as I said before, I was an idiot who was going to face the music for my own actions. I got on the bus with my head held high and kept it there all the way along the march to my desk.
I’d never felt so far from Fitz’ office, tucked into the corner as I was. It was like the small expanse of space between us had stretched and stretched until it would take an entire expedition to cross it. Maybe I would luck out and security would soon come to get me and march me out of the building before serving me for violating the NDA. Yeah, maybe I would have to see Fitz at all and the look of betrayal he no doubt had on his features.
Or worse, what if he looked resigned? Like he had been proven right once again that he could trust no one. That thought actually hurt even more than the previous.
I felt my brave façade crumble a little, so I quickly booted up my laptop to distract me. Just like every other morning, I checked my email first and foremost.
I wasn’t sure exactly what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t an email from Fitz hanging there front and center. I had a wicked sense of de ja vu as he bade me come into his office.
My eyes flicked to the glass wall that separated me and the secretaries from him. The blinds were all closed again, shuttering him off in his own world. Was he going to give me privacy as he fired me? Strange. I didn’t feel as if I deserved it.
