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When I didn’t respond, Nichole continued with her rampage, “Give Jess up, Della. You cannot sacrifice yourself for her, and as much as you hate to hear it, she really does deserve better.”
I lifted my chin. “I’m sorry you feel that way, but Jess is mine and I won’t give her up. Ever.”
“I know you love Jess, but you can’t give up your own happiness for her. How do you think she’d feel when she grows up to know she was the reason you lost your greatest dream? Would that make her happy? Would you wish that kind of life where she put everyone else before herself for her? Would you?”
I was out of the room before she could finish her sentence, but her words were still ringing in my ears. My heart felt as if it was being crushed in my chest. Nichole called me to come back and stop being a coward, but I ignored her.
I found Jess in the bathroom standing on her pink plastic stool almost done with washing her face and hands. Her almond shaped eyes focused on me and immediately a big smile split her face, but it faltered and changed to one of confusion. “What’s the matter, Della?”
I shook my head and knelt next to her. “Nothing, honey. Nothing is the matter.”
She frowned at me, her little pink tongue sticking out slightly. “Then you gotta smile.”
I forced a smile and she immediately smiled back happily.
“You know, I’ll always take care of you, right,” I said to her as I brushed the thin blonde strands of hair away from her face.
Her answer was simple and without hesitation, “Yeah.”
My sister’s blood ran in her veins, but she was as much a part of me as my hands were. She didn’t choose any of this, and I’d be damned if I let her suffer any more than she needed to. No matter what happened, I would never give her up.
Gage
I felt like I was flying.
Going a hundred and twenty on the Harley, the highway wide open and the looming trees zooming past like ghosts. It was the only time I breathed deeply and felt my lungs fill with clean, smoke-free air. It was wonderful to leave behind the rage that usually consumed me. Here, I was one with earth.
I could forget the lying cheating human beings in my path.
In these moments, little else existed, but the possibility that it could all come to a crashing end … and then nothing would matter. The thought excited and terrified me and at the same time, a perfect adrenaline fest. So I sped on, until I tore past the county’s Chief Deputy’s vehicle. His sirens began to blare into the still summer evening. I thought about ignoring the interruption, but I knew better.
I slowed down.
Pulling up by the side of the road, I watched him drag himself out of the vehicle in my mirror. He came over, the swagger of authority was evident from his black shoes to his slicked back hair. I guess he was one of the good guys.
“You were going over the limit there—” He stopped suddenly as I pushed my sunglasses onto my head. There was no smile on his face. “Breaking the law on my turf, Miller?”
“It’s one of those days,” I responded.
Yeah, he understood. Nothing more needed to be said.
I slipped the glasses back over my eyes, and revved my bike back to life. Something that looked suspiciously like pity flashed in his eyes and instantly it turned my mood sour.
“Take it easy,” he said to me. “I’ll let you off this time.”
With a nod, I lifted my feet off the ground and was on my way. Something about the expression in his eyes had spoiled my mood permanently. Even the wind in my hair didn’t feel good anymore. I felt restless and angry. I could die tomorrow. And for what? My life was one long, lonely shit fest. Every day, I wallowed in the stink and the disgusting slime. What was there for me?
Easy, Gage, a little voice in my head warned, but I wasn’t listening.
Damnit, I needed something for me too. A little taste of sweetness.
Do you want to get both of you killed, you fool? the voice asked.
I hit the pedal hard and the bike shot forward. The world around me became a blur. Adrenaline poured into my blood. It calmed me right down. The weak moment passed away. Of course, I would never endanger her. The twist in my gut remained, a physical pain. I knew I had to see her again. Not to start anything. I wasn’t stupid. She was trouble. That much was clear. I just … I just wanted to look at her face again. One fucking look and then I’d be on my way. Maybe one day when all this was over, I would go back for her.
