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She kept talking, but I wasn’t really listening to her. I was focused on what this all meant and how it all could have started. Was I born like this? Or did events in my life make me this way?
Cade’s hand touched my thigh, and I flicked my gaze down to it, but I couldn’t quite make it out past all the blurriness. I swayed to the right, feeling myself becoming off-kilter and tried to push everything out of my brain, but it was all too much. Everything was too much.
“What have you done?” Mom screamed.
I pulled the covers over my head, trying to block out all of the noise coming from the living room, but it was no use. I could still hear every word.
“I didn’t do anything,” Dad told her, talking way too fast. “She needs a bike, Jan. She needs to be able to ride a bike. So I went and bought her one.”
“You used the rent money!” Mom shouted, and I could just imagine how angry her face looked. “And you didn’t just buy her a bike. You got yourself one, and then you went and spent five hundred dollars on clothes and accessories. What the hell were you thinking?”
“I want to set you up with a regular appointment as well, Aria. We’ll start with once a week and see how you feel. If you need it more than that, we can do it, but we won’t know until we start.” Dr. Bay’s voice broke through my nightmare, and I whipped my head up to face her, feeling tears streaming down my cheeks from the change of direction. “I can see this is a lot to take in.” Dr. Bay paused, and Cade’s hand squeezed my thigh. “Is there anything you’d like to talk about today? Any questions you have?”
“Stop asking me questions!” Dad roared, holding his head in his hands and pacing back and forth. “All you do is ask me questions.”
I wasn’t sure who he was talking to, but I stared at him with wide eyes and brought my knees up to my chest. “Daddy?”
“It can’t happen. I can’t do it.” He shook his head and ran toward the wall, not stopping until his body collided with it. “Get out of my head!”
My bottom lip wobbled, and all I wanted to do was get up and help him, but I was scared, so I stayed curled into the corner of the sofa.
He groaned and rolled over, his gaze connecting with mine right away. “Aria, they’re coming for you, sweetie. You need to hide again, okay?” His voice was different now, softer, more like the daddy I knew. “No! Stay where you are!” He shook his head and stood. “Don’t move, Aria.”
I didn’t know what to do or how to act. I had no idea—
A lock clicked in the front door, and hope rose within me. Mommy was home, she’d make it all better. The door swung open, and Mommy stepped inside. Her face was tired and sad, but I knew she’d protect me from Daddy when he was like this.
She stared at each of us, and Daddy started to pace again, shouting things I didn’t understand.
“Aria.” Mom darted toward me and picked me up. “Don’t come out of your room, no matter what you hear, okay?”
“Aria?” Cade’s deep voice shocked me out of my memory, and I shook my head. “Baby?” He lowered his voice. “What’s going on?”
“Am I like my dad?” I asked, but I wasn’t sure who I was asking as I stared at Cade. “Will I end up like him?” Cade’s dark-blue eyes swirled with emotion, but I wasn’t sure what it meant. Was he sad I was going through this, or sad he was stuck with me?
“I requested access to your dad’s medical records, Aria,” Dr. Bay said, and I turned to face her. My breath stalled in my chest, afraid of what she was going to say next. “Your dad had a lot of mental health issues. Bipolar disorder, yes, but he also had schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder.” Her brows pulled down into a frown. “Your dad stopped getting treatment and wasn’t taking his medication.”
“He wasn’t?” I asked. “Is that why he was so…” I took a breath and closed my eyes, trying to push all my thoughts away. “So…”
“Aria.” Dr. Bay waited until I had my eyes open to continue. “Your dad didn’t stick to his treatment plan, but had he, he would have lived a semi-normal life.” She shuffled forward on her seat. “With the combination of medication I want to start you on, and regular visits with me, I have no doubt you will conquer everything in front of you. But the trick is to stick to the treatment plan.”
“So I can get better?” I asked.
“Better isn’t a word I would use.” Dr. Bay flicked her gaze down to her notepad on her lap and then back to me. “Under control. You can get it under control. But it won’t happen overnight. It’s going to take time for everything to kick in and work.”
“And in the meantime?” Cade asked.
“In the meantime, you keep things as normal as before. Keep to your regular schedule, and don’t make allowances. If you feel sad, let yourself feel it. Don’t think you have to push it aside. Be in the moment with your sadness.”
“Okay.” I let out a breath, the first one that felt like I didn’t have an elephant sitting on my chest for. “And the medication?”
She explained what medication I would be taking and how often to take it, and then booked me in for a regular visit every Tuesday evening. Cade said he’d bring me to them until I told my mom what was happening, but I refrained from informing him that I wouldn’t tell her. I was afraid she’d think I was like my dad, just like I had.
Cade took the prescription for my medication from her as we exited, and once we had picked them up from the pharmacy and were on our way back home, I eventually managed to say, “Thank you.”
“For what?” Cade asked, glancing at me briefly and then looking back out the windshield.
“For helping me.” A small smile curved on my lips as I stared at him. “For believing in me and not letting me drown.”
